The Struggle to Read

Everyone always recommends reading. "Oh, you can't get out of bed; why don't you read a book to pass the time?" I wish they could have understood I could not read.

I used to LOVE to read. I brought a book or two everywhere I went when growing up. I loved jumping into another world so quickly, but my concussions caused things to change. My head was in so much pain I could barely get through a page.

I was a student both in high school then in university, which requires even more reading. In my first year of university, I took an English course involving the mandatory reading of a complete book every week, which you then had to analyze and write about. It was around seven weeks in. I was so behind I knew it was not possible for me to catch up. I could barely read, let alone read novels and remember what they said while completing other coursework. I ended up dropping the course completely after writing a midterm on two books I'd never read. It wasn't long after that I moved back across the country, knowing I wasn't okay. University reading requirements were something I could never keep up with, so I had to strategically plan what to focus on, which often was limited. I also had to decide to use the reading energy that I had towards school, leaving nothing left to enjoy other books.

Losing my ability to read felt like I lost a part of myself. I couldn't escape into another world anymore. With so many other aspects of my life being taken away (including my inability to leave the house for long), I believed reading would have been a perfect avenue to get a break from the reality of my situation. Still, it did not work out that way.

Three main problems occurred when reading.

The first was the pain. My head hurt all of the time, and reading made the pain even worse. Even today, when I don't have a headache, I can read but still not to the same extent as in the past.

The second problem was my memory. If I did manage to read a page or chapter, the odds of remembering it by the time I finished was unlikely. This led to me rereading, again and again, causing frustration and taking away the enjoyment.

The third problem was blocking out noise. I grew up in a very loud house, and I could sit in the same room with all my family talking, zone out all the noise and read. I lost that ability; even to this day, it's not an option. I can't tune out sounds around me in the same way, so to read, I need silence. (Check out noise sensitivity here)

So now I listen to audiobooks which I genuinely love! Though audiobooks miss some of the unique aspects to reading, like curling up in a comfy spot with a good book. But the difficulty I had reading is precisely why, in our membership program coming this summer, all of these blog posts will come in an audio format! (Click here to read more)

Make sure you don't miss out on this week's podcast episode when we discuss eye therapy!

One day at a time,
Bella