Identity, Mental Health, & Recovery with Bella Paige
Show Notes:
So much of what concussion, and traumatic brain injury survivors experience, is invisible. While the physical symptoms of a TBI and post-concussion syndrome can be debilitating and difficult to live with, the invisibility of the injury can contribute to, and worsen, feelings of isolation and depression. In today’s show, Bella unpacks what she has learned from living with an invisible injury, and shares what she wishes she had known during her recovery. Bella reflects on how her identity was changed by being a concussion survivor, how she became attached to that identity, and interrogates the work she has needed to do to move on from her identity as a survivor. Next, we spend time talking about the tools you might need to function in the world, whether it’s putting on headphones mid-conversation, or wearing a hat, and break down why you shouldn’t have to hide these tools and methods, even if they seem unusual in certain settings. Tuning in you’ll also hear more about our concussion toolkit and how to find support for your mental health when traditional therapy is prohibitively expensive. Join us for this reflective episode on identity, mental health, and recovery, and remember that even if you’re experiencing something invisible, that doesn’t mean that you’re invisible.
Key Points From This Episode:
● How you can support the show.
● Allowing your identity to change after you have suffered a concussion.
● Understanding that your friends and family don’t have complete insight into what you’re going through.
● The importance of recognizing the invisibility of a brain injury.
● How medication has helped Bella’s condition and why she chose to stop hiding it.
● Why you shouldn’t have to hide the things that help you function.
● How this podcast serves as a guide for anyone who is suffering.
● The Concussion School Toolkit and tips for how to cope with online school and work.
● How going through recovery from a brain injury can affect your mental health.
● Why it’s important to seek help, and how depression presents differently in individual cases.
● How to access therapy if the financial cost of traditional in-person therapy is too overwhelming.
Follow Post Concussion Inc on Social Media to stay up to date on the podcast
Transcript - Click to Read
[0:00:05] BP: Hi, I'm your host Bella Page and welcome to the Post-Concussion Podcast. All about life after experiencing a concussion. Help us make the invisible injury become visible.
[INTRODUCTION]
The Post-Concussion Podcast is strictly an Information Podcast about Concussions and Post-Concussion Syndrome. It does not provide nor substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice, or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. The opinions and expressed in this podcast are simply intended to spark discussion about Concussions and Post-Concussion Syndrome.
[0:01:03] BP: Hi everyone and welcome to the Post-Concussion Podcast with just me, your host, Bella Paige.
Today I'm going to go over a few things. Something I just wanted to mention and remind everyone as if you are really loving the pod, as much as we are loving all the feedback. We have clothing available including hoodies, crewneck, t-shirts as well stickers because I love stickers and all those things definitely help cover the cost of the show because it is expensive to run and it is all out of my own pocket and every single little bit of donation is so helpful. We have a ‘support the podcast button’ at the end of every episode description and on the website. Even just $1 or $5 makes a huge difference.
So if you could take some time out of your day today, if the podcast is really helping you or any of the social media. Please consider donating as it will help us keep going and allow us to help more people and reach out to more people who are suffering from Post-Concussion Syndrome or persisting concussion syndromes or mild traumatic brain injury, whatever you want to call it because to me, we are all suffering and that is all that matters. Please if you do have a moment of your time please do consider checking out our clothing or making a quick donation to help support the show.
Now, I wanted to talk about letting your identity change. As we become survivors, sometimes our symptoms do not go away and things prolong more than just a few weeks, maybe a few months, maybe a few years, maybe longer. But our identity changes and we sometimes really cling to that survivor identity. I think that it is really important to let our identity change in and out of that idea if things start to improve.
I am a concussion survivor. It means a lot to me because it’s really changed who I am. It completely defines my purpose now and I think that is really important. But I am not suffering any more, like most. I think that is important to realize and I think it is important to let myself grow out of that suffering identity that I had. I have been cloud over with this whole time and I think it is really important that others realize this because sometimes we hold ourselves back from getting better without even realizing it because we are focusing so much on everything else that has been going on but we do not realize that we may have been doing a lit bit better if we start to just let go of some of those things.
Like, I had headaches every day. I know that is no joke but trying to think about it less or stress about it less did a big difference mentally for me. Maybe not physically exactly but mentally I was able to handle a lot more by not being so worried about all of my symptoms all the time. Now when it comes to that, do not forget no one knows your whole story and I like to talk about this because I think it is really important. Even your parents do not know your whole story because if you were like me. You did not tell your parents every single thing you did as a teenager or everything you felt as a kid or an adult because it is not how it really works. You have to remember that talking with siblings, best friends, friends, colleagues they are looking at the cover of your story.
They are looking at what you have told them and if you have told them the first few pages and maybe Chapter Four and Chapter Six and nothing in between try to remember that when they respond to you. Maybe in a way that you did not expect, because maybe they do not know you are suffering in the way that you are because this is all invisible and it takes time and a lot of time to get over the fact that this is invisible, it took me a long time.
I really do not know what to do and like I talked about it in the first episode. I built up a brick wall and you were not taking that down and I did not tell anyone what was going on, and that did not help me at all. To remember the people that do not know your whole story, like there is times that people would say things to me like, the biggest comment I mention here a lot, because it is bigger that hits me the hardest every time for some reason.
Some people used to wish they were suffering like me. It is not like they were wishing they are suffering, it is like they were wishing they were getting I guess the benefits of suffering, if you want to think about it that way. Like not going to school or losing a bunch of weight or having excuses to never leave the house, or things like that. They were really not excuses; it was health reasons. Sometimes people do not realize what is coming out of their mouth when they talk, I swear. I think we have to forgive them a little bit to a point because otherwise we get really angry at the world and that is not healthy for us or them.
Now, something I actually got asked to talk about today was learning not to hide what is invisible. I mentioned the pills, I take pills. I would like to say I take them but I can also say that I do not because I am a horrible patient. I can be honest; I am the worst patient. Probably why I dealt with this for so long. I would do therapies for months and then it would be so irritating and I would be so done with therapy as a teenager that I would just give up and get angry and that happens with me and my pills because taking vitamins and different supplements and different medications sometimes it is exhausting, but they do help me.
I do my best to make sure that I am actually taking them and staying organized with them. But for the longest time, I never took them in front of people. Example, I started hanging out with a new group of people in the last few months and I do not take my pills in front of them or I did not for the first month. I really never thought about it, but I was just not taking them without thinking. I would just take them after we had hung out or take them before we went biking or something and I would kind of hide it. But then, I started to realize, what am I hiding? I am hiding who I am. I am hiding what allows me to function. I am hiding what allows me to be here. Without these pills, I would probably be in bed or I would definitely not be outgoing and as happy as I am right now, because they help me to get out of bed every day. Like my little headphones, the little ear pieces I talk about them lot that I put in my ears. I secretly would put them in my ears. But then I started to realize why? Why am I secretly putting headphones in my ears? So that I do not have to leave. Why am I ashamed of something that I cannot control? I do not think about it as shame. I think about it as I do not want the questions. I do not want somebody that was like, why are you taking these pills? Or the look that people give you when they realize that you are sick.
Even though I do not consider myself sick anymore or that look they gave you when you go out to do something that is out of the norm. Like putting headphones in a restaurant and carrying on a conversation is not exactly the typical thing to do. But a really loud restaurant I really hard to tune out those high frequencies for me. My headphones allow me to do that. It is really hard to hide things about yourself and start to accept that this is who I am. So I really advise you did not do that. I do not mean just the pills and I am also telling you, you do not have to answer everyone’s questions about them either and why you wear headphones everywhere you go or do not wear a hat or maybe you have different things that help you that you do to get out of the house.
You do not have to hide it from anyone because you should not have to hide it. You should not hide what allows you to be there, like going to a family event. I talked about this a little while ago. Most family events for me are too long. If they start in the morning or in the afternoon and go all day and past dinner or all night. I just really do not last that long very often, at least because the afternoon is more kind of where my brain likes to shut off. So what I like to do is take a nap and I have no shame in napping but it is kind of hard to be like I am going for a nap and disappear from a party.
I can do that around my family because they understand what I am going through and they know what I am talking about. Do not be ashamed if you have to leave and then come back. It does not matter if you tell the truth and say, “I really need to go lay down but I will be back in an hour” or you know “I need to go out and do something but I will be right back”. Do not be ashamed to leave and come back. If you are in an event all day because that is life and you have to do what allows you to be there, it allows you to function and be happy while you are out as well.
Learning not to hide what is invisible is really important and it takes time. Some people are just naturally great at it and a lot of us are not because it is already invisible. Just take your time and do your best not to hide it because we are trying to make this injury less invisible. We want people to see what is happening because there are so many people out there suffering just like you and you do not ever realize it because it is invisible.
Like I said and you do not see them that they are suffering too and maybe they are not suffering in the same way. Maybe they did not get a brain Injury or a concussion. Maybe they just have bad mental health or maybe something else is going on in their life that they are not talking about. Maybe they have to take pills for something but they have never talked about it before. By you opening up, it allows them to open up. Which is why I love being a concussion advocate, because being an advocate helps you create a survival guide for others with all of the mistakes you have made which is what essentially this podcast is for myself. It is a full guide for all of you because I did not have any of this and I think it would have really made a big difference in my life if I did and probably a really big difference in my family in partners in life because if I would not have been able to know how to talk through what I was going through rather than just bottling it all up and carrying on like everything was fine. So just remember that you can be your own advocate in little ways like learning not to hide what is invisible or talking about what you are going through. You do not have to tell everyone. I always encourage this or I guess I always vouch for this: not everyone you know needs to know everything going on in your life. It is okay to have privacy, but those people that matter, is it important to tell them because it can really make a big difference in how they interact with you and how you interact with them. Maybe there is something they are bottling up too.
[0:12:04] BP: With that, we are going to take a really short break.
[0:12:11] BP: TheraSpecs are therapeutic, blue light glasses for people with brain injuries, post-concussion headache and photophobia. They filter up to twenty-five times more of the light that causes pain and other symptoms. Making them more effective than typical blue light glasses. Fluorescents, screens or sunlight feel too bright will trigger your symptoms try TheraSpecs risk free for sixty days and see if you can find the protection and relief you need. Visit TheraSpecs.com/bella and use code bella15 for $15 off your order.
[0:12:50] BP: Welcome back to the post-concussion podcast with myself, Bella Paige and today's solo episode is all about school now because a lot of us suffer when being in school and it can apply to work too. But I think these things would really help. We have our concussion toolkit that is out and was just released this week and if you missed it already you can still get it. There is a link in our episode description or you can find it all over the website or on our social media right now.
What it involves is three things or four things I guess. One of it is kind of my experience and just gives you a brief overview of what I went through. My school experience is eventful, but the next part are tips for things that and help you get through online school, in-person classroom work or how to handle homework when dealing with symptoms and all those kinds of things.
We also have tips for parents for how to understand what your kid is going through. How to talk to them and how to help them get the support that they need. We also have a little bonus letter for teachers that you can add a little bit to. It is a template that you can take and give to teachers when you need to explain what is going on because sometimes it is really hard to explain what’s going on in the right way. Sometimes this letter is enough to be like, this is what is going with me and I need you to understand that I am doing my best as a student, and my best is going to change every day.
So that is our concussion school toolkit and there are a lot more things in it but you can get access to it on our website in the episode description and so many other ways. Do not forget to check it out because I really think it can help you. Even if you are not in school and maybe you are working in an office setting or you work at home. A lot of the tips for students might help you too because there are a lot of tips for being on the computer, working with paper, working through symptoms so make sure to check it out.
I just want to talk about one more thing, that is mental health. I love talking about mental health and it is true because I would not talk about it ever. So now bring it up all day all the time and I think that is why. We talk about our concussion and when people find out what I do or how I helped people with concussions and survivor life or post-concussion life or post brain injury life whatever you want to call it. I get this comment about, it is interesting, it is like I have all of this concussions. Do you ever talk about how you do not feel about yourself after? Do you ever talk about the things that the doctor does not say? Like how I was really sad. Do you ever talk about mental health? Do you ever talk about how to get better because it does not feel like that after a few weeks or a few months? I think it is just an eye opener to me.
Every time I hear other people are suffering from this and in just casual conversations Like yesterday, for example, I was talking to someone I just met and the first thing they said “do you ever talk about the depressions and stuff?” and it just kind of hit me because no one is talking about this. Well some people are but definitely not enough and we really should be. Many people are struggling on that part of concussion and brain concussion recovery. I think it is very important that we are helping people get through this and talking about mental health because it is such a big piece of all of this. It is so hard to explain what mental illness or mental health is like because everyone’s situation is so different. To me, it was just like these dark clouds followed me around, they were so heavy and everyone shows depression differently.
I was not messy; my room was not. I did sleep a lot, but I also had headaches a lot and you would not know that when I was out. I was smiling, I was happy and that is a problem with mental illness. Is that it is invisible just like these injuries and I just like to put some light on it. If you were suffering, talk to someone and I often talked about getting professional help, like speaking to a therapist. Something that is really important to realize it is not cheap and I get that, because Canada is a little bit different and a lot of these services can be provided and covered but in the US it is a little different and other countries it is different as well. Outsourcing mental health therapy can be very expensive and I understand that.
Start talking with a friend. Maybe see if there is a support that works out there. Like check your brain injury community. Most states and countries have alliances or networks available for you to talk to, and maybe there are a few free sessions that you can start with and maybe that is enough to just get you motivated or maybe make you realize how much it is worthwhile. Try things like online therapy, there is text therapy though your phone. There are apps that provide therapy for very low rates a month. Think of alternatives, and do not let the price turn you away from therapy because there are other ways to access it. I understand it can really be daunting if you are unable to work right now. Try to think outside the box and do not be afraid to reach out here to the podcast.
We connected someone with a therapist the other day because they needed help and they needed financial help as well. We tried to find a solution that would work for them. We are always here for that. I just wanted to thank everyone for listening today. If you have questions, please reach out. If there are more things you want me to cover, more things you want to know about me, please reach out. If there are guests you want to hear from, and you want to know what they are going through and what their stories are, please send them our way because we love more guests. Even though, sometimes it is overwhelming with all of the guest requests. It is really important that we can get everyone’s story across. Do not forget to reach out and take everything one day at a time.
Thank you so much to everyone who have supported the podcast so far. Whether you bought some clothing, gave a small donation or you have just shared the podcast with your friends or wrote a review, it all makes a huge difference.
Do not forget to click that support the podcast button at the bottom of our episode description. If you do have time today because every dollar counts and it makes a big difference to help us keep going.
Thank you, hope you all have a wonderful morning, afternoon or night whatever time you are listening to this. Just remember you are living through something invisible or maybe your partner is, or maybe your best friend is, and that is okay that it is invisible. That does not mean you are invisible. Keep your head up and I hope everything continues to improve.
I just wanted to say thank you, the podcast is just over six months old and I could not be happier with the response. If you truly love the podcast, please consider leaving a tip in our support the podcast tip jar found at the bottom of the episode description. All tips are greatly appreciated and help cover costs of the show.
Has your life been affected by concussions? Join our podcast by getting in touch. Thank you so much for listening to the Post Concussion Podcast and be sure to help us educate the world about the reality of concussion by giving us a share. To learn more do not forget to subscribe.
[END]
OTHER CONTENT YOU MAY LIKE
