Concussion Survivor Follow Up | Ben Morton
Show Notes:
Returning guest Ben Morton joins us once more, bringing an inspiring update to his post-concussion journey that began with us back in episode #63.
Ben's story is one of such transformation, as he opens up about the emotional and physical rollercoaster of his recovery since 2015. From the challenges of re-entering the workforce to the tender experience of moving back in with his parents, Ben's narrative is a heartfelt testament to the resilience necessitated by life's new normal after a concussion.
Listen in to an evolution of perspective as Ben and I discuss the path from a life once marked by unyielding pace to one that embraces a quieter existence. Together, we uncover the silver linings woven into the fabric of post-concussion life, celebrating the small victories often overlooked. Ben's insights echo the collective experience of many facing similar challenges, and together we acknowledge the peacefulness found in the imperfect journey toward healing.
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Please note episode transcriptions may not be 100% accurate!
Bella Paige
Host
00:02
Hi everyone. I'm your host, Bella Paige, and after suffering from post-concussion syndrome for years, it was time to do something about it. So welcome to the Post-Concussion Podcast, where we dig deep into life when it doesn't go back to normal. Be sure to share the podcast and join our support network, Concussion Connect. Let's make this invisible injury become visible.
00:26
The Post-Concussion Podcast is strictly an information podcast about concussions and post-concussion syndrome. It does not provide nor substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. The opinions expressed in this podcast are simply intended to spark discussion about concussions and post-concussion syndrome.
01:04
Welcome to episode number 127 of the Post-Concussion Podcast, with myself, Bella PaIge and today's repeat guest, Ben Morton. Before you listen to today's episode, make sure you go back to episode number 63. This is our first follow-up with a survivor. Ben suffered a concussion while on a work trip in 2015. Seven years later, he is back, living in Portland, oregon with his partner, Reanna, and their puppy Turtle. Ben has re-entered the workforce after a long journey of recovery and even though he's not completely symptom-free, he's cherishing the small victories that fell out of reach for so long. After bemoaning the hard parts of this injury for years, ben is taking solace in acknowledging the beautiful relationships that have emerged as a result of his injury. Welcome back, ben.
Ben Morton
Guest
01:54
Hey, thanks for having me back, Bella. It's great to be here.
Bella Paige
Host
01:57
So we're going to start with you kind of going back into your concussion experience for everyone. Do you want to talk a little bit about what that was?
Ben Morton
Guest
02:07
Yeah, so I don't want to repeat myself from what I said last time. But, in short, my concussion experience dates back to 2015. I was in New York City on a work trip and I'd run into a steel light fixture. It was something at the time that really shook me up, but for the most part I was under the impression I was going to get better and I finished out that work trip. I was having headaches, sensitivity to light, nausea, myriad symptoms that again, I thought were just subside when I returned back to Portland. But they didn't. So I returned back to Portland, tried to continue working. That proved to be too difficult and that's when things really kind of swept me up into the tornado of having that injury, which was living with my parents for gosh five, six years. Last time we spoke I just kind of was at the tail end of that point and re-entering the workforce. But it's been a heck of a journey and I now look out for all steel light fixtures and I'm a clumsy human by nature, but I'm definitely on higher alert than.
03:17
I was before.
Bella Paige
Host
03:19
It's that, the moving back. I remember we did talk about it before. It's really challenging to move like you've made. This accomplishment of moving out and then moving back in is like a lot of people have to do it. We have tons of survivors in Genghishth and K'nak that have either moved in with friends, family members, older individuals who have moved back in with their kids because they're not working anymore and maybe they're older, they're at the end of their career but they don't really like what else are they going to do? These types of challenges come up, and so it's been a while. By the time this comes out, it'll be not two years, but pretty close to when we recorded at least your last episode. So how are you doing, symptom-wise, since we last talked?
Ben Morton
Guest
04:04
You know I'm doing okay symptom-wise. Well, last time we spoke I got to be honest I'm sure I sounded more confident than I should have, but I thought I was going to crash and burn. So I got hired for this job that I had to explain this long, long work gap. I was probably the most surprised by that job offer and I was like, okay, I guess I'll try it.
04:24
And I went into really having a fear of looking at screens for long periods of time, the long hours kind of sitting at a desk, seeing how my neck pain was going to respond to that the first week I almost did crash and burn. I wasn't sleeping and I was kind of getting so inside my head on it I was like, oh my gosh, I don't think I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to have to bow out. And then my mind went to that place. If I'm probably going to go back living with my parents, I'm going to lose my partner, rihanna, and my new living situation. And one thing I will say on that is that if you are living with your parents or you're in a situation that maybe isn't the most conventional to where maybe people expect you to be at in your life. I felt so much shame and humiliation around that and it's weird now, bella, because I wouldn't give that up In fact, that's one of the most beautiful things that that injury afforded me was time with my parents that I find now that I'm back in this kind of work and worry cycle of life that I long for and I anyways I don't want to get too off track there but my symptoms, my eye strain, is still there.
05:26
So looking at screens eight, nine, 10 hours a day as I do, that's definitely a huge pain point that I'm trying to sort out and remedy. My neck pain is is definitely still there, but I have some new approaches that I'm taking. Maybe we can get into that later. But yeah, my symptoms are at a plateau where it's livable, but certainly always striving to make my quality life even better.
Bella Paige
Host
05:51
For sure. I think that's pretty like that's where a lot of people I think end up is like it's kind of symptoms get better and get better, and then they have symptoms but they can live with them, which I think is a good place. It's not a bad place to get. It's still frustrating, especially when you've had like a concussion and I've had over 10. So sometimes, like to me, it's like it makes sense. You know, like I've been hurt so many times and like I've had more concussions than that. So like in my head I can do the math. I think when you've had one really bad incident or one small one, you're like it seems like a lot more.
06:28
But you know, I'd like that you mentioned the family benefit aspect because I think that is one thing people share a lot in our community about how the one thing they've loved about this, if they had to pick something, was that it made them slow down on life. Right, because it kind of makes you you have to like physically, mentally, everything. So it really does make you slow down and kind of look at things differently and definitely gives you a different perspective on life and things like that. And so you mentioned doing different things for your neck and for symptoms. So what? What have you been doing?
Ben Morton
Guest
07:03
So I've become the biggest believer, Bella, in massage therapy, which is something I don't think I was really doing that last time we spoke, and not that I hadn't tried it, but it was something where I always kind of dabbled in it and maybe saw massage therapists once or twice within like two weeks or a month's time and I was like, you know, it's not really helping. There's some relief in the moment, but it just doesn't provide any respite from that pain outside of those visits. But massage therapy and and again, I feel really lucky that that my employer and my health benefits afford me that. But I now am on kind of a schedule where I get a massage at least once a month, if not twice a month, and I'm getting chiropractic care kind of in conjunction with that and I would recommend it. And it feels like a chore at times because it's like, oh my gosh, tuesday nights I got to go do this after a workday. But if I don't, in fact if I take a week off or a month off, that pain comes back in a way where it's like, oh, it's clear, clearly the culprit is me not kind of staying steadfast to this, this regimen.
08:07
So for anyone listening who's had any hesitance around massage therapy or chiropractic care, please don't, please jump in there. And then I'm also, every three months, getting Botox, kind of Botox for migraines. That is something I've been doing for, I think, since 2018, which I failed to mention last time we spoke, and I remember beating myself up. I was like, oh shoot, I forgot this one piece, this nugget. That's helped immensely. So, and that's really kind of my toolbox right now, which is massage therapy, chiropractic care, and then getting those those Botox injections about four times a year.
Bella Paige
Host
08:42
I love massage therapy. I sometimes forget how well it works until I get a massage and I'm like, oh, wow, like it's gone, especially because I don't really deal with severe headaches anymore. But, for example, I injured my arm really bad last year, twice my shoulder, and so I tore all the muscles in it and I couldn't sleep on that arm since I had done it and I had always slept on that side. And so I finally mentioned it when I went for a massage one day and he like did something in my arm like you know, found whatever, and then I could sleep on it. Ever since it's been fine and it's like all these things, but it is really important to go find somebody who's educated. These aren't relaxation massages, just to let everyone know they hurt.
Ben Morton
Guest
09:29
You know I find myself ready and going to see and her name is Zara. Huge shout out to Zara, who's who I go see, and she's amazing, but it is not something. It's not like a Swedish massage. No no, maybe. If that helps you maybe feel less adrenaline after this injury, then go for that. But I think your your spot on is finding that that good fit for you.
Bella Paige
Host
09:50
Yeah, and like it's not a relaxation massage, it's like a deep tissue type massage where they're really working in knots and nerves and all those types of things that could be pinched or overdone, like especially in the neck. I know there's a few things that I've gotten done kind of along with, like craniocacral work too, and it's really helped ease those things. Actually, one technique I did with a massage therapist for a long time was pinpoint. So what they would do is they would find a knot in my back or somewhere and they'd hold it and I would tell them what pain would start in my head and it would trigger instantly and I'd say like a 10, like a 10 out of 10 pain and they would work around that and get it down to a 5. And then we would do a new spot and so it was just releasing different parts of my body that was causing pain.
10:39
Because you might as well and you carry a lot of tension when you're ill in the mentally aspect of it too Because, like you know, your shoulders usually sit too high, because you're kind of protecting your head and your body's just really tense a lot of the time. So that's not helping either. So it's definitely a good way to go, and so bow talks. How has that been? You're still doing it, so you are finding relief.
Ben Morton
Guest
11:02
Yeah, In a huge area that I just recently realized that it's helping is eye strain, Bella, Because last time I had my visit at OHSU here in Oregon our Portland my appointment was about two, three weeks later than it usually was, so it had time to wear off and my ability to look at screens had diminished noticeably. And then, once I had those injections within a week's time I was like, oh wow, my eye strain's gotten better. And I asked my neurologist I was like, is that a thing? And she's like, absolutely, that is definitely an area where this should be helping out.
11:35
So the injections themselves I don't love. You know, it feels like bee stings, like 33, 34 little bee stings. It's definitely different than I think, cosmetic bow talks I've never had that done, but I imagine that's just like two, three, four pokes. But then it's totally worth it for the relief that I feel for the next two, three months or so. But yeah, eye strain and just kind of sensitivity to light and it also just promoting that relaxation like you're talking about. I'm such an anxious person by nature and so anything that can help me make those muscles and the areas where I'm tensing up just kind of relax is always, Always a huge benefit.
Bella Paige
Host
12:12
I think it's huge and so I really want to kind of get into you know how your concussion is affecting some different aspects of your life. But before that we're going to take a quick break. We have so many five star reviews coming in for the post concussion cookbook on Amazon. This cookbook was something I had been looking for. It pairs nutritional information specific to concussion recovery with tips for symptoms, and the recipes are delicious. My husband and teenager loved it too. Very grateful to have this resource. If you bought the cookbook, make sure to leave a review and if you haven't, make sure you find yours on Amazon today. I'll do the link in our episode description.
12:50
Welcome back to the post concussion podcast with myself, Bella Paige and today's repeat guest, Ben Morton. So we've talked a little bit about you know how you got injured, of course, and you know some of the things that you've been dealing with, like symptoms and things like that, and so you kind of mentioned that your concussion is affecting your life. Do you think it's changed your perspectives on life? Like, how do you think having your concussion has changed how you act now or how you see the world? I guess, wow.
Ben Morton
Guest
13:19
I love that question, Bella, and I want to answer that as best I can. Let me think, you know, I think, Ben, before the concussion, they happened to me when I was 24 years old and at that time I think my mind was like, hey, I have these relationships, I'm taking stock of my friendships which I feel like are at a good place, I am living in a situation I'm comfortable in. I think that Ben was still so anxious and kind of unstable in ways that I didn't really recognize at the time. You know, I think I was just kind of racing through life and you echo this so much, Bella, on your platform but just slowing life down, which I think is harder than ever, Even if you don't have a concussion. Right now it's probably you're just inundated with messages all around and social media is taken over and all these pieces that kind of add to the busyness of life. But I think my perspective and I'm still working on this, I don't want to purport that I have it figured out but I think in those five, six, seven years not really working, listening to birds hanging out in my parents' backyard, taking long walks, listening to music, really removing myself from that work and worry cycle. I think now it's my perspective I lean more easily into slowing down.
14:36
And I think also just relationships. I think my perspective around relationships, more than anything, has evolved in a really positive way that I wish I could have gone back and told the Ben at the time. There's a silver lining here. That's. The piece, too is I'm just learning how hard it is to assess these good parts in life and these bad parts, Because when I had the head injury, my response to everyone else's knee jerk response is this is a terrible thing, and not to say that they're good things.
15:06
But I wish I could roll the tape sometimes on the life where I didn't run into that light fixture and see what Ben's doing, because my fear would be that Ben is still just anxiously running through life and not taking on the responsibilities that maybe he should take on, or he's just still settling for surface-level relationships. And I feel like I've been able to connect more deeply with my beautiful partner Rihanna, my friends now my family members. So that pain, which is something we all experience, whether it's a head injury or not, it lies to you, but the way to get out of that hole is just connected with other people, and I think that's my biggest perspective shift is like hey, you can connect with other people who've been to that abyss, or maybe who haven't, but you can start to speak with them in an arena that lends itself to more meaning, I think.
Bella Paige
Host
15:59
Yeah, I really like that. You added the little. You don't have it figured out and I think it's important that people realize that, like sometimes people think I have this really figured out, that's really not the case, like for example a few days before we recorded this, I've been going to the gym and so I had a pot's flare up at the gym.
16:20
So I'm like doing step ups with a holding weight just onto a box, up and down, and all of a sudden my heart rate's like 198. And I'm like, oh, like the whole world's spinning and I like sit down and I'm like what did I do? Like, why am I having a pot's flare up? Like you know, I'm pretty good with managing it and sometimes things happen. It don't matter how much we prepare, how much we try to manage all these health things and all these things that are life. Sometimes you can't control it all, and so I just had to like end my workout a little early and just kind of, you know, relax, lay on the floor after, get my heart rate to relax, and then, you know, move on.
16:59
And you know I've had pots flare ups where it's way worse. Even one of my girlfriends was like, oh, did you need to like get a ride home? And I'm like, no, that was actually okay. She's like, oh, like, if you needed a ride home, you could have called me. And I'm like I know I could have. Thank you, because, like, does anyone want to call someone for a ride home from the gym? No, does it happen? Sure, and could anybody else tell that's what I was going through at the gym? Definitely not.
17:22
I just looked like, I was like out of shape, you know and I am, but it's like?
Ben Morton
Guest
17:26
no, I am. And do you find it hard on yourself, like, like, just in an unfair way to yourself?
Bella Paige
Host
17:33
Oh yeah, it's like the pots flare ups happening. I'm like, oh, like I got to finish my sets, Like you know, it's just like in your head.
17:41
Like oh, but I had like other exercises planned and I'm like, do I do them, Do I not? So I cut out my whole cardio for the day Because, like, that's obviously not going to help my heart rate at all. So you know it's okay and it's okay to change the plan. I think that's like the biggest thing that really does also happen after a concussion is it's okay, Because I think we get really stuck on this. Like you know, life has this set of rules that you're supposed to walk through these steps, but it doesn't always work out that way.
18:10
And I like that you mentioned the ability to relax, because just in support group yesterday actually, we had a member say well, how do you do that? And I'm like, what do you mean? Because I've been crocheting gifts Just like. Well, how do you do that? And not feel guilty? And I'm like feel guilty about what she's like, about not doing like therapy and like focusing on, like you know, things that I'm supposed to be doing. And I'm like who said you're not supposed to do it? Like you know, it's okay to do a puzzle at night or, you know, skip your physical therapy one day and take care of your mental health, Because I think that's like.
18:46
The other thing is we get so focused on taking care of our health that we forget that our health has two parts, and so we really have to address that as well. And the last thing you mentioned was just that connecting thing, and I understand that more than I think I could even describe, because that's exactly what this podcast has done. It's exactly what Congestion Connect has done. It's exactly what, like you mentioned, all these social media messages has done is I get people more than I ever thought I would ever understand someone. Ever Like I don't think I ever really thought of people the way I think of them now on, like all the different things they could be going through, even though I talk to them every day.
Ben Morton
Guest
19:25
Yeah, I think trying not to beat yourself up in the midst of this injury is one of the hardest parts, and in reli I mean, I'm still figuring that out Even before my injury it's like how do I relax in this world? How do I feel, um, established any form of like equanimity in this like chaotic life, and then this injury happens and it just further removes you from that possibility. And then I just do the thing and it sounds like you do and so many other people who have this injury where it's just this really ugly spiral where it's like, oh, I can't do this exercise that I used to be able to do or that would come more easily to me, and then I beat myself up over that and then lightning strikes again some point down the road where I then beat myself up and feel shame or frustrations there. So it's, that's a daily practice. I feel like I have to put a lot of executive function and conscious effort into not tearing myself down.
Bella Paige
Host
20:23
Yeah, I agree it really goes with that, like it's not giving up, it's just doing something else, because I think a lot of time we are in program that it's giving up. Like I think we're raised like this, like society kind of does this like in school, if you don't complete something you're giving up. But it's not always the case, and I think that's one of the biggest problems is like you know you get sick and you don't complete this. You don't do that. My symptoms flare up at the gym. I don't finish my workout. Your symptoms could flare up at work. You don't finish something. They flare up cooking, cleaning, you know daily tasks, going for a walk. You know you go for a walk and you have to cut it short, all these types of things. And so we feel like we're giving up. But we have to look at it differently. We have to look that we're taking care of ourselves instead, you know, but that doesn't happen overnight.
21:13
I would have used to get so mad. You know, it happened at the gym and even in my head. Even after all these years I'm like oh, maybe, maybe not. Like I have to like kind of question, like think it through, like do we keep going, do we not? And then I'm like no, like we're going to stop, we're going to go home. And I didn't get upset about it. But I used to Like before that would have ruined my week. I would have been so upset that I was done.
Ben Morton
Guest
21:37
Absolutely. This made me think Bella of I remember when I was really down on myself. I had downloaded the Calm app and I was doing like a 30 days like a meditation package. God, I forget the guy's name, he's great.
21:50
But there was one episode and I think it was called like self love bomb and in it he was just like mentioned how you should talk to yourself and he's like the way I look at it is, I just have like little me who's like it's okay, little buddy, like you're going to be okay, and sometimes that's how I now have to speak to me. And also, in conjunction with that, maybe identifying the double standard, where it's like, if you came to me, bella, and you're like, hey, today I have a headache, or today I can't do this Exercise, I'm just feeling not well, I'd be like, oh my gosh, bella, what can I do to help out? Or and don't be yourself up about it Whereas if it happened to me, I'd be so harsh and so critical and crying to not be saddled with that. That sort of approach is hard.
Bella Paige
Host
22:36
For sure. And so what are you up to today? We talked about it a little bit before we started recording, but how is life going?
Ben Morton
Guest
22:45
You know life's going well. I still struggle every day with symptoms, but I think if you looked at it on paper, compared to Ben three, four years ago, it would look like a miracle, because you'd be looking at a guy who was unemployed, was living with his parents and not to say these are bad things. That was just what was needed at that time in this injury, and if you're in that place, that's what you need as well. But right now, in the last two years since we last spoke, me and my partner, we bought a house in Portland, which was really exciting. It's like 115 years old. So every week is us trying to fix that sticky wicket that's causing us headaches.
23:22
But we got a dog named Turtle. That's probably been one of the most exciting things that's happened since we last spoke. She is pure chaos, but also so sweet, and if you would have told Ben four or five years ago that he'd have a dog ever and that that would be a responsibility that he was welcoming into his life, I wouldn't have believed you. And so just to love that dog as well as I do, my partner and my family. I'm spending a lot of time with them. I'm probably working more than I should. I think that's maybe a resolution I have for 2024, which is trying to establish a better work life balance, because I have my head in a computer again more than I would like, and so that's really exciting on the basis of me being able to do that again, but also just kind of not what life's about. So, and outside of that, I wish I could report other things.
Bella Paige
Host
24:14
I that's all great. There doesn't need to be life Like. I think sometimes people forget. But like.
24:20
People always ask me like, oh, like what's your favorite thing about a relationship? And I say the everyday stuff. And they're always like, what do you mean? I'm like I love going to the grocery store together. I love waking up on the weekend together and making breakfast or making dinner and handing things across the house, like I love sitting in the garage while my partner works on whatever he's working on. I love that stuff. Like it doesn't always have to be. I think we social media does this. We picture life as like these big grand events, but I love the like. What people would consider the mundane, like everyday little things are my favorite part and I think learning to love those things makes life just 1000 times better. And so you've shared a lot, and I'm so grateful that you've come back on the show because it means so much to me and I'm sure listeners are really going to love getting a follow up from you. And so is there anything else you would like to add before we end today's episode?
Ben Morton
Guest
25:18
You know, I just want to thank you, bella. You are an inspiration to me. It's just an honor to be back with you and I was thinking about this morning before we spoke. It's like I get to speak with my friend Bella again and get to share the space with each other, which is so exciting and, I think, just for anyone listening, as I hope I emphasize last time it's just really be compassionate toward yourself as best you can. And this injury we say it all the time, I hear it here all the time it's nonlinear. There's going to be ups and downs, there's going to be twists and turns, but eventually you're going to get to a place where it's like, wow, this plateau is imperfect where I'm at now, but it's infinitely better from where I used to be, and you're going to love the version of you that didn't give up. So just take it easy on yourself. I'm going to try to do the same and we'll make a pact.
Bella Paige
Host
26:08
I love that. Well, thank you so much for joining us today and sharing again.
Ben Morton
Guest
26:13
No, thank you, Bella. It's always a pleasure and it's just the best.
Bella Paige
Host
26:18
Need more than just this podcast. Be sure to check out our website postconcussioninkcom, to see how we can help you in your post concussion life, from a support network to one-on-one coaching. I believe life can get better because I've lived through it. Make sure you take it one day at a time.
The Post Concussion Cookbook is getting amazing reviews!
This cookbook was something I had been looking for! It pairs nutritional information specific to concussion recovery with tips for symptoms, and the recipes are delicious!! My husband and teenager loved it too! Very grateful to have this resource! - Halli
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