Life After Sport with Connor Crisp
Show Notes:
For many professional athletes, their sport is their entire life. When tragedy strikes and their health is taken away from them, it is often a struggle to adjust to the new normal. Today’s guest is Connor Crisp, retired hockey player, post-concussion sufferer, and now real-estate agent. Connor's choice to retire was a result of multiple concussions that culminated in him missing an entire season. While struggling with post-concussion syndrome, he decided to leave the sport (a decision he appreciates to this day).
Tune in to hear how Connor handles his ongoing symptoms, and why it's important to approach all forms of therapy with an open mind. We hear from both Connor and Bella about how they realized that there is a life outside of their sports bubble, and why it's not worth sacrificing your mental health to continue to compete. Find out Connor’s tips for younger athletes getting into hockey, why he doesn’t watch hockey nowadays, and how his family was involved in his decision to retire. Press play now to join the discussion around post concussion syndrome!
Key Points From This Episode:
• Welcome to Connor Crisp, a retired professional hockey player, multiple concussion sufferer, and now real-estate agent.
• The lead-up to Connor’s post concussion syndrome and why he retired as an athlete.
• Visiting the Witchdoctors: Being willing to try anything and the benefits of an open mind.
• The vicious cycle of post concussion syndrome: How sufferers manifest symptoms on the good days due to anxiety about the bad days.
• Having your health taken away from you and how to transition out from life as a professional athlete.
• Leaving your sport on your terms and appreciating every moment.
• The importance of a supportive family.
• How hockey as a game has changed since Connor retired.
• Tips for younger athletes getting into the sport.
• Why loving what you do is so crucial for your dedication.
• How Connor is now: Why he values having a platform to speak about his post concussion syndrome.
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Transcript - Click to Read
[INTRODUCTION]
[0:00:05.5] BP: Hi, I’m your host Bella Paige and welcome to The Post Concussion Podcast. All about life after experiencing a concussion. Help us make the invisible injury become visible.
The Post Concussion Podcast is strictly an information podcast about concussions and post-concussion syndrome. It does not provide nor substitute for professional medical advice diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. The opinions expressed in this podcast are simply intended to spark discussion about concussion and post-concussion syndrome.
Welcome to today’s episode of The Post Concussion Podcast with myself, Bella Paige, and today’s guest, Connor Crisp. Connor is a third-round draft of the Montreal Canadians in 2013. He played 17 games for the American Hockey League’s Ice Caps over two seasons, which saw him plagued by concussions that sidelined him for long stretches.
At the age of 24, Connor made the lifechanging decision to retire from hockey, to focus on his own health. Connor has had to deal with side effects of suffering from so many major concussions as well as the underlying emotions of returning to his hometown of Alison, Ontario and transitioning back int other community and finding life after hockey as a coach and real estate agent.
[INTERVIEW]
[0:01:47.2] BP: Welcome to the show Conner. Do you want to tell everyone a little bit about your concussion injuries?
[0:01:52.0] CC: Yeah, first of all, thanks for having me. Played hockey all my life, I think as we mentioned we kind of chatted a little bit before, I’ve had numerous concussions, majority of which you consider minor. Concussions, I maybe missed five or seven days with, went to the process, felt okay and never had any overlying long-term effects from it. But I would say that my biggest concussion was my second last year playing hockey so probably 22 years old, I think I was. Let’s say, five years ago, four years ago.
I was knocked out in a hockey game, I missed the whole entire season and just never really fully recovered from that injury, which I’m sure we’ll get into a lot of reasons for why I think that is but ever since then I’ve kind of been battling post concussion syndrome, trying to treat it the best I can with multiple different symptoms, which I’m sure a lot of people who have went through concussions, it’s tough to pinpoint what works for you.
[0:02:44.1] BP: For sure. What have you tried? Has anything, you said it’s hard to pinpoint but what if you tried to help some of those symptoms, I know you said you had a lot of headaches.
[0:02:54.0] CC: Yeah, headaches are probably the number one symptom. Again, kind of, depends on the seasons, right? My summer time, my spring, when the sun’s out, the weather’s good, I feel relatively good. It’s kind of when the days get darker and it’s a little bit gloomier outside where I start feeling symptoms kind of spike a little bit. But in the sense of what I’ve tried, it’s probably easier to say what I haven’t tried just because I’ve tried a hundreds of different things.
Everything from modern medicine to holistic approaches to some witchcraft stuff that I don’t even need to get into because yeah, for sure but you know, it got to a point in my life where I was — I was going through such a bad time that anything I could come across or any suggestions that people have that maybe worked for them or they heard that it have worked for somebody was something I was more than willing to try.
I’ve come across some pretty unique stuff but to be honest, there hasn’t really been something that’s honed in on exactly what’s going on for me.
[0:03:50.0] BP: Witchdoctors we used to call them.
[0:03:52.2] CC: Yeah, for sure.
[0:03:53.2] BP: I get the intense amount of things that you can try especially, I think being an athlete, you’re competitive so that kind of grows into your whole healthcare, your routine as well because you want to get better and you have a lot of reasons to want to get better and the witchdoctor thing I get, I saw quite a few of them because you are just willing to try anything.
That’s what my mom and I used to call them, we’re like, “Witch doctors because they’re not really doctors, you don’t really know what they do but apparently they can help so you try it anyways.”
[0:04:25.1] CC: Yeah, you know just like with things like that and a lot of treatments, you got to have an open mind, right? Because if you go in and your mind’s closed and you’re not open to new things then it’s probably not going to work especially when it comes to that kind of stuff but yeah, to be honest, along the way I’ve had some great experiences and met some really great people and I don’t regret anything I’ve tried, that’s for sure.
[0:04:45.0] BP: That’s really good. I get, you said, you healed really quickly from the first few. Was it a shock when this one, you didn’t heal as well as you expected or was this concussion seemed a lot more severe so you expected it to kind of not heal in a week?
[0:05:02.1] CC: Yeah, I don’t know if shock would be the word. I would almost say frustration, right? Because I’ve had so many in the past that were resolved so simply and this one almost, it’s just getting in my head so like I tell a lot of people, I almost feel like I got to a point where I woke up with a headache every single day that the days that I felt okay were the weird days, right?
Where I’d wake up and kind of say, “Okay, where’s my headache, why do I not have a headache, what’s going on?” and I would almost repeat that on my head so many times that I would manifest the symptoms back.
[0:05:37.1] BP: Okay, yeah.
[0:05:37.2] CC: You kind of get in this downward spiral of forgetting what normal feels like and yeah, for me, it was more frustrating than anything again because I’ve tried so many different things and stuff that had worked in the past wasn’t working anymore and concussions are tough, right? You don’t walk in with a cast on your arm, right?
[0:05:55.1] BP: Nope.
[0:05:56.1] CC: It’s kind of, it’s not six to eight weeks, it’s not four to six months, it’s whenever your body’s ready to heal and it’s just extremely frustrating.
[0:06:04.2] BP: Yeah, for sure. I know my concussions, I had a bunch of head injuries, kind of like you before where they heal, they didn’t really think much about them. One of them I think it lasted a few months, I had headaches over the summer and then the headaches started and didn’t stop.
What happened was I just didn’t tell anyone about those headaches because I was a competitive athlete. I was living at home and I hadn’t lived at home for I think two years at that point on and off and those headaches didn’t go away and actually now that the headaches have gone away, the first year that they disappeared like you mentioned, not having them, I didn’t know how to react.
[0:06:47.2] CC: Right.
[0:06:48.0] BP: I was like, “Wow, I don’t have a headache today, okay, will I have a headache tomorrow?” and then you kind of stress about it and then you end up with a headache and like you said, it’s kind of a vicious cycle on how that works. Something I really wanted to get into because it’s something that happened to both of us at different times was having your health take something away from you so for me, it was show jumping. When I was 14, I was told that “The Olympics are your career and you’re not going to be doing anything else with your life” and for you, it was hockey so how was that? Do you want to explain kind of the process of going through that and what it was like?
[0:07:27.0] CC: Yeah, I think every athlete would like to leave their sport on their own terms but I think in a way, I sort of did. I never really got an affirmative answer like, “You can never play again” it was always up to me it was how I felt. Again, because you can’t see a concussion on a scan, right? Doctors were more so taking my word for how I was feeling and interacting with people and such. For me, after missing an entire season, I tried to come back for a year and I just suffered through that year, I wasn’t sociable, I wasn’t hanging out with teammates, I was in a bad place and I just got to a point where it’s like, “This isn’t a way to live” so for me, as tough as it was to finally say I’m done, the months leading up, I knew it was coming.
I was kind of soaking it all in, realizing this may be my last season and yeah, certainly the toughest decision I’ve ever made in my life, especially up to this point. It is what it is and I’m in a good place now. I think I made the right decision, whether I made it too late or too soon, I’ll never know but I think that I guess, where I am now, I’m in a great place and surrounded by great people so that’s all that matters today.
[0:08:35.2] BP: Yeah, for sure. I get that my doctors — well, some of them said no. Some of them were like, “This is a bad idea.” The other ones were like, “You can still ride” so I would and I kind of did the same thing, I went back and I had not competed heavily for a few years or I guess, two years and I went back in and I lasted about a month and over that month, I was just getting worse and worse and all my symptoms were coming back that had started to go away.
I remember talking to my friends because I wasn’t living at home and I would send them messages and say, “I don’t know what to do. I feel like I moved away from home to do this again” and I was like, my whole career was like, “Okay, we’re starting this again” and the headaches were back and I was over a bucket and I felt like I was going to puke after riding multiple horses a day and at the end of that month, I had a big talk with my coaches and I was like, “You know what? I have to stop?”
No matter how much I don’t want to, it’s like, “I have to put my health first because I want a future and this is not the way to live”. I can’t be living in pain every single day and my mental health is going way down after I’ve been working on it and all those types of things, so it was just, “Okay, what do I want from the rest of my life other than this and can I think of those things right now?”
Because when I was a teenager, I couldn’t. I honestly, there was nothing else, to tell me that, “Well, you’re going to have a life after this” I was like, “No, I’m not. No, this is my life, what do you mean, after this?” It kind of was a big adjustment but do you have any tips for making that big choice and then how to be honest with like you said, your teammates and your coaches and things like that?
[0:10:18.1] CC: Yeah, I think the biggest decision, the biggest process of it all is making decision to just cut it off and say, “Okay, this is my decision, there’s nobody who is going to persuade me, this is what I’ve decided” but the hardest part for me was telling my family. Obviously, I’ve had tons of teammates over time and everybody understands and I think a lot of teammates that are close enough to you can understand and recognizes that something’s not right.
You’ve gone form being a very social guy and active and fun and on the ice to kind of to yourself and quiet and obviously, different people go through concussions in different ways but for me, that was the case. For me, telling my parents was the toughest part and everything leading up to it. It’s like an everyday stress, right? When you get over something, you kind of laugh at it and say, “Well, what was I so worried about this for so long for because everything worked out just fine” and that was kind of the case for me too, right?
When I told everybody, it was my last season, I wasn’t going to play again, the amount of support and love and all the stuff that I need at that time that came in made a huge difference and I think that people, even players and friends, old friends that came out from not speaking to them in years had reached out and said, “You know, we’re happy for you. You had a great career” et cetera, I think it is just important for people to realize that life after sport is really good. You know, there is a lot out there to be offered to you and to make another career and to be successful, it’s kind of like what you touched on.
It’s no way to live living in fear and that’s how I lived for a long time, so yeah, just kind of realizing that everything will be okay and just to trust yourself and commit to a decision is the biggest thing.
[0:12:04.2] BP: Yeah, for sure and I think like you said, no one can make it for you and you have to decide because once you decide it gets a lot easier, you are not being forced to quit. You know, when people are worried like I remember talking to my mom and her face would be so concerned, where I would be like, “Oh, I’m going to go do this” and she’s like, “Really? Okay. I am being supportive” but I could see it in her eyes.
She is super stressed out, she’s like, “If this doesn’t go well” I think she is more concerned like, “Can you handle this mentally?” Physically, we’re not sure how this is going to go but mentally, can you handle getting back into the sport and stepping back again because the last time I stepped back, it was like a really big adjustment for me and so once I made that decision, once you made that decision, it’s kind of like, “Okay, this is what I’m doing” and then everyone — my whole family was super supportive through it all and that makes a really big difference for all of this.
[0:12:59.0] CC: Yeah and like I said, I think it did. When I told my parents, I knew they were going to be supportive but a side of me was thinking you know and I always use this line that it is much my career as it is theirs. The amount of time and effort and money your family puts into and dedication, so for me to retire from hockey was more of my family retiring from hockey and them never being able to travel and watch me on TV, et cetera, et cetera.
That was the hardest part was that I was feeling like I wasn’t only ending my career but partially theirs too and like I said, it’s…
[0:13:30.1] BP: For sure, yeah.
[0:13:30.2] CC: When I did it, the relief and the weight that came off my shoulders and how okay they were with it and surprisingly, you know, how they expected it, right? Your parents know you better than anybody else and they had kind of seen it coming, so yeah, like I mentioned it is just realizing you have the support there and everybody is going to back you in a decision like that.
[0:13:53.0] BP: For sure. Yeah, my family definitely knew before I did. They probably knew a few years before I did, which is fine but yeah, when I told them I was like, “Yeah, I know I need to do something else” and they’re like, “Okay, that’s fine” and like you said, it’s a lot like I put years, tons of money, tons of time and all of that into the sport and live at a home for a really long time because of it.
It takes a bit to adjust because you get in that world and then stepping out into that world, you’re like, “Oh” it’s like you’re in this bubble. You’re in the hockey bubble, I was in the horse show bubble and you realize that there is a lot more than the bubble and it takes time to step out of that, right?
[0:14:35.2] CC: Yep. Yeah, no doubt.
[0:14:37.1] BP: With that, we’re going to take a really quick break and then we’ll be right back.
[BREAK]
[0:14:47.1] BP: I just wanted to say thank you. The podcast is just over six months old and I couldn’t be happier with the response. If you truly love the podcast, please consider leaving a tip in our support the podcast tip jar down at the bottom of our episode description. All tips are greatly appreciated and help cover cost of the show.
[INTERVIEW CONTINUED]
[0:15:12.1] BP: Welcome back to The Post Concussion Podcast with myself, Bella Paige and today’s guest, Connor Crisp. Something I really wanted to ask that I like to ask when people retire from sports is how do you feel about hockey today?
[0:15:25.2] CC: You know, it’s interesting because hockey is a sport that has we can say evolved or changed so dramatically since I stopped playing. You know, when I played I was a power forward and I love the physical aspect and now today’s game has kind of shifted to more fast-speed skill type of game. For me, I don’t have a favorite team. I don’t necessarily say I’m not sure if I’ve sat down and watch the full NHL games since I’ve stopped playing but for me to follow, it’s about following friends and guys I’ve played with and people I want to see succeed.
You know, I kind of lived through them at this time but yeah, as for the game I think it’s changed a lot. I don’t think it’s changed in a way that I necessarily support. I would like to see the same kind of game being played as it was in the 80s but you know, that’s something that’s changed and I don’t see it coming back. Hockey is a unique situation just in the sense like I mentioned, it’s evolved so much in the last year itself alone, it’s continually changing but yeah, for me I like to support the guys and keep in touch with players who are still playing and succeeding and making a name for themselves.
[0:16:29.2] BP: For sure. Do you have any tips for young athletes who are in hockey or any other sport that they might be pursuing as a career type thing?
[0:16:40.2] CC: Yeah, you know what? Just like commitment, right? I run a hockey program now and I always tell players if you have a 50 minute practice, just give me 50 minutes, that’s all I’m asking for out of your day and I don’t think that’s a lot to ask. You know, to make tons of money in a sport that you love to commit a few hours a day to it, you know, it’s a lifestyle and like you kind of talked about with the bubble situation, you certainly do live in a sort of bubble like that amongst people that you know but it’s a good life, right?
As soon as you step outside and you start going on the wrong track and find something that may suck you out of that bubble, it is danger territory I guess you could say, right? I think just being committed to your craft and loving it every day, you know? There is some days for sure I didn’t want to go to the rink. I was tired, I was sore, I was injured but you go in and you work out and you get your body moving and you get home and it’s that feeling of gratitude where you’re like, “I’m happy I went in today and I’ve seen my teammates and I treated my body like a temple the way it should be treated and I’m looking forward to doing it tomorrow.” So just enjoy the process, commit to it and don’t give yourself any bars.
[0:17:48.0] BP: Yeah, for sure. Well, it is really important to love it because you have to love it and I think that’s something I mention to people a lot is when you love it, it is a little different. Yes, you don’t always want to do it every day even though you love it. I remember there’d be like a Friday and all my friends would be going out and like, “Okay, I have to go ride horses before I go out so I’ll see you all later” but I have to do this even though I really don’t feel like it today but once you commit, you’re committed and you have to stay that way but it is also important to put your health first and remember that there is a life after sports.
It’s something that we’re really not teaching kids yet but I think it is something that will hopefully slowly start to get pushed that there is a lot more out there than just the sport that you are playing. Especially when you do become a very competitive athlete, you don’t realize that there is the bubble and then there’s a bigger bubble around you like your family and your friends and maybe a different career that you might take instead and it is important to not forget that when you are being an athlete.
[0:18:52.2] CC: Yeah, absolutely and then you know, there’s a lot of sacrifices you make along the way too and kind of like you said, you miss a Friday or Saturday night going out with your friends and you may be jealous of and you know, you fear on missing out on something but put yourself inside of their head. They may be feeling the same way about you, right? Like, “Oh man, he’s so lucky to be going to the rink” or “She’s so lucky to be able to ride a horse today” or don’t be so single-minded.
Think outside the box and think about how lucky you are to be spending your Saturday doing something you love, right? Sure, you may think it is a sacrifice but in other’s minds, you’re the luckiest person alive.
[0:19:27.3] BP: Yeah, exactly. How are you now? You said you are doing great now, so do you want to tell us a little bit about where you’re at today?
[0:19:36.0] CC: Yeah, again, things are good. I still suffer from probably daily headaches and it is something that I just learned to manage and I live with and you know, I’m optimistic that one day things will be fine and I will never have a headache again in my life and that’s my goal but as for now, I just try to live a positive life, right? I try not to stress, I try to just take everything in stride and don’t take things for granted, right?
Because I think sometimes, playing sports or whatever it maybe, a job you love or travelling, you may take moments for granted that you may never have again, right? For my last season when I kind of knew it was leading up to the end of my career, I was emotional because everything I did in the back of my mind I’m like, “This is the last time I’m going to do it.” For me, now I just take everything in. I do it slow and I do it right and I appreciate everything that every opportunity that I am given now.
[0:20:26.2] BP: Yeah, that’s so great and it’s so important to kind of accept that this is my life and it’s not a bad life. I always try to tell people that I had a headache every single day. I don’t anymore, I did for about seven years and I don’t have those headaches anymore and even when I do have those headaches, it doesn’t mean I’m not happy. It doesn’t mean I am not enjoying life. You can enjoy life while suffering from an injury or symptoms.
It’s just a lot of it, it is perspective and working on your mental health and getting to that point. It is not instant. It didn’t happen to me in a day but with work and time and help from professionals, I was able to kind of become and lift that cloud off of all the mental health stress that I was dealing with and be happy even though I still deal with symptoms some days. Is there anything else you would like to add before ending today’s episode?
[0:21:19.0] CC: No, I don’t think so. It’s great, I appreciate coming on. I think we touched on a lot of good things. I think that is the most important thing is for people to be self-conscious of your body, right?
If something is not right, you know your body better than anybody else so just take initiative to see somebody and to work things out and just be confident and I think treating your body, you know, find joy and find happiness and then treating your body well and feeling healthy because it’s a good feeling and you just have to have a good read on things. But yeah, I think it is a great thing you’re doing and I wish that more people would kind of come out and speak about stuff like this and just make awareness.
Because I know when I went through my problems, there wasn’t a lot of people who would touch base on concussions and I didn’t have a lot of resources and that was a struggling point for me, so the more people, the more interviews you can do and the more people that come out and it is helping a lot of people whether they tell you or they don’t, it is for sure.
[0:22:07.2] BP: Yeah, for sure. Well, thank you so much for joining and sharing your story today.
[0:22:12.0] CC: Yeah, thanks Bella. I appreciate it.
[END OF INTERVIEW]
[0:22:16.1] BP: Has your life been affected by concussions? Join our podcast by getting in touch. Thank you so much for listening to The Post Concussion Podcast and be sure to help us educate the world about the reality of concussion by giving us a share and to learn more, don’t forget to subscribe.
[END]
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