Letting Go of the Anger with Jennifer Wimer
Show Notes:
Not everyone who lives with Post Concussion Syndrome has a history of sports injuries, and today's guest knows all too well how easily you can get concussed from everyday accidents. This week, we speak with Jennifer Wimer, whose experience as a healthcare worker and love for the outdoors have informed her journey with PCS when it comes to managing her symptoms and maintaining her physical and mental health after multiple concussions. Jennifer is also the mother of two boys and two rescue dogs an, in today's conversation, we discuss coping with difficult, long-lasting symptoms. Jennifer shares how grateful she is for her co-workers and her work environment and elaborates on the ways they were able to actively accommodate her symptoms. Listeners also hear how Jennifer has managed parenting with PCS and what she has learned from communicating her symptoms to young children. Join us today for an honest conversation around anxiety, parenting, and the power of therapy!
Key Points From This Episode:
● Meet today’s guest, Jennifer Wimer.
● Why it’s so helpful to have compassionate co-workers.
● How her workplace and colleagues helped facilitate a working environment that was supportive of her symptoms.
● The difficulty of having multiple accidental concussions that weren’t related to sports.
● How therapy has helped Jennifer manage her anger, especially when her symptoms are overwhelming or feel inexplicably worse.
● Being an outwardly calm and patient person who still experiences extreme anxiety.
● Tips on being a parent with post-concussion symptoms.
Transcript - Click to Read
[INTRODUCTION]
[0:00:05.3] BP: Hi, I’m your host, Bella Paige, and welcome to The Post Concussion Podcast. All about life after experiencing a concussion. Help us make the invisible injury become visible.
The Post Concussion Podcast is strictly an information podcast about concussions and post-concussion syndrome. It does not provide nor substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. The opinions expressed in this podcast are simply intended to spark discussion about concussion and post-concussion syndrome.
Welcome to today’s episode of The Post Concussion Podcast with myself, Bella Paig,e and today’s guest, Jennifer Wimer. Born and raised in the wilds of Western Pennsylvania, Jennifer is a mom to two boys and also the mom to two rescue dogs. Equal parts adventurist and watchful, her recovery from multiple concussions led to an understanding of how to heal physically, mentally and emotionally from PCS. Jennifer’s perspective as a healthcare worker and devotion to the outdoors as an avid hiker and runner, guided her to a fulfilling path, life with PCS.
Her personal journey serves as a reminder of her strength and she hopes it inspires others to rediscover their own will.
[INTERVIEW]
[0:01:46.1] BP: Welcome to the show, Jennifer.
[0:01:47.4] JW: Thanks for having me.
[0:01:48.9] BP: Could you tell everyone a little bit about your injuries and what occurred to start?
[0:01:54.2] JW: Yeah, absolutely. I had four concussions in five years. None of them were sports related, of course, one was an auto accident and then all of the others were just in my own home. I hit my head on the doorframe, the window tilted in and hit me on my head and the other, I actually passed out and hit my head, it was just a weird freak thing and yeah, nothing, no cool story, no sports related fun thing, just all kind of weird instances, yeah.
[0:02:39.0] BP: Yeah, it’s tough when injuries are like that sometimes.
[0:02:41.2] JW: For sure.
[0:02:42.2] BP: Do you have any current symptoms that you’re dealing with?
[0:02:44.9] JW: Yeah, nothing like I was, it’s been almost two year since my last concussion but my current symptoms, headaches, pretty often, almost every day. They’re just kind of dull and there.
[0:03:00.7] BP: That’s still quite a symptom.
[0:03:02.6] JW: Yeah.
[0:03:03.1] BP: You consider not a symptom.
[0:03:06.1] JW: Yeah, just coming from –
[0:03:07.3] BP: I don’t have any symptoms, I have a headache every day.
[0:03:08.7] JW: Almost every day, right. I guess comparing to where I was almost two years ago, it’s – which is great. Yeah, huge progress. Yeah, headaches often, sometimes have trouble finding words if that makes sense like I’ll know what I want to say, it’s just not coming out. I still have some trouble with balance at times, light sensitivity sometimes, sometimes nausea, anxiety’s a big one for me but again they’re all things that are pretty minuscule to – compared to where I was a couple of years ago.
[0:03:48.7] BP: For sure, it’s amazing how used to it you get, like you don’t realize that I guess it’s not – that was my thing when I first started, I didn’t realize that no, not everyone around you is having a headache, right? It’s not normal but when you’ve suffered from something way worse, you start to feel like it’s not so bad anymore which is, it isn’t.
[0:04:12.4] JW: For sure, I’ve had tinnitus for a couple of years as well.
[0:04:15.5] BP: Look at that.
[0:04:17.1] JW: It’s just there, it’s just part of me now. I actually mentioned it to a friend recently and he said, “Gosh, you have that every single day?” I said, “Oh yeah, it’s no big deal to me anymore, it’s just there” It’s like, “Oh, that would drive me crazy” I thought, “Oh, I don’t know, this is just my life now.”
[0:04:35.0] BP: It’s just me. No, that’s funny, I actually learned about my tinnitus in a university classroom because I’m sitting there and my girlfriend was next to me and I’m hearing this buzzing, it’s really loud and I’m looking at her and she’s not looking around and I’m looking around and I’m like, “Do you hear that?” She’s like, “Hear what?” I’m like, “Are you sure? There’s no ringing, buzzing, you're not hearing anything?” She’s like, “No”. I’m like, “Alrighty then”
[0:05:03.9] JW: Right.
[0:05:05.1] BP: Great, I learned something else, I’m hearing what other people aren’t. That’s actually how I figured out that there was often – then I started to notice it more where I was hearing this sound that nobody else is hearing and I just always remember that that’s how I realize it, this is a bigger thing that I thought.
[0:05:23.1] JW: Right, yeah.
[0:05:25.7] BP: You work in healthcare, do you find your co-workers have a better understanding toward your injuries because I find a lot o four guests have a lot of trouble going back to work afterwards.
[0:05:36.3] JW: Yeah, I don’t know if it particularly has to do with the fact that I work in healthcare or if I just work with – I work with awesome people.
[0:05:45.3] BP: That probably helps.
[0:05:46.3] JW: I mean, I think that’s the bigger, the more helpful component here because my employer’s just amazing and my co-workers are amazing and I mean, with my third and fourth concussion, I needed some accommodations at work and they were just 100% willing and even now, it’s been almost two years since my last concussion and my boss would come to me every now and then and say, “How are you doing?” Because you don’t say anything about it. I mean, obviously –
[0:06:18.0] BP: You don’t see it
[0:06:19.2] JW: Yeah, you don’t see it and I’ll be honest about my symptoms and some days are worse than others and – but they’ve just been amazing to work with and I’m so thankful for that because I really – I love what I do and if they weren’t amazing people, I don’t know if I would have been able to continue working like I did.
[0:06:43.5] BP: For sure, it would have been a lot tougher. What kind of accommodations did you get?
[0:06:48.3] JW: If I was having a tougher day, they would work in healthcare, I’m on my feet a lot, they will give me more things that I could do sitting down or a few weeks where I worked in an office with a lamp on in the corner because I just couldn’t do bright lights at all.
[0:07:08.3] BP: Okay.
[0:07:09.3] JW: If a lamp was on in the corner, I could still do my work.
[0:07:12.8] BP: Like this offset, not –
[0:07:14.0] JW: Yeah, rather than the very bright harsh lights. Things like that just meant the world to me and I mean, my co-workers’ kind of had to just deal with it for a little while.
[0:07:27.5] BP: Yeah.
[0:07:29.8] JW: Because there were days that that’s the only way I could work. I was thankful that I could still keep working but just little things like that wouldn’t have been able to happen, there’s no way I could have worked.
[0:07:43.8] BP: No, for sure. I actually never thought of it but I know I have like lamps in my room and then there’s overhead light and I never used the top, the ceiling light because I like the lower light, I often like, one of those people that sit in bed and write because I do blog articles and I find, if I sit and write, I find that overhead light drives me nuts so I like the side light, I’ve never thought of it like that.
[0:08:10.8] JW: Right.
[0:08:11.7] BP: It really did help quite a lot.
[0:08:14.1] JW: it makes a big difference, it seems silly but for whatever reason, I was able to be a productive employee.
[0:08:21.3] BP: Yeah, for sure. No and it works. If it works, it works. Something we kind of started to touch on but didn’t get deep into was all of your injuries weren’t as you mentioned, from sports or something that you kind of put yourself in a situation where there’s the possibility that you're going to get injured like getting on a bike or – how did you find handling all the – did you have a lot of anger towards not putting yourself in those situations?
[0:08:49.1] JW: For sure, yeah. Especially the fourth concussion, I was just – I had finally gotten to a point after my third that I was feeling pretty good and then, I had a fourth one and my symptoms were just back and I had different symptoms that were way worse than I had experienced before, a lot of vestibular problems and I was so angry for a long time. Just angry that it happened again and angry that I sort of had to start over. Again, I had finally gotten to that point that –
[0:09:27.8] BP: Pretty sure.
[0:09:28.7] JW: Okay, I can do more things and I’m not exhausted after I do X, Y and Z and so it was hard when I was really in the thick of the injuries after my fourth concussion because I was already upset that I have the other concussion and it was just, there’s a lot of anger.
[0:09:48.9] BP: For sure. No, I get it, I had a lot of anger towards so many things actually.
[0:09:54.1] JW: Yeah.
[0:09:55.0] BP: I was angry at myself because I – unlike you, I kept putting myself in situations to get hurt and I was young and I never really thought of how much it would affect the rest of my life.
[0:10:07.4] JW: Right.
[0:10:09.1] BP: Then again, I was talking to someone the other day that I think if you had told me what was going to happen, I probably wouldn’t have believed you as a teenager anyways.
[0:10:16.8] JW: Sure.
[0:10:17.6] BP: I would have probably kept doing it because as a teenager, you’re super stubborn and you think you're invincible.
[0:10:23.8] JW: Absolutely.
[0:10:24.7] BP: I had a lot of anger at healthcare because I was like, “Well, we can fix so many things, why can’t we fix my brain” and I didn’t understand it enough then and now I understand how complex it is but then I was like, super angry, we fix all these things, I’ve had broken bones, I have torn muscles and you can’t fix this.
[0:10:44.1] JW: Right.
[0:10:45.8] BP: That can create a lot of anger. How did you get past the anger?
[0:10:50.9] JW: Therapy has helped a lot.
[0:10:52.1] BP: I love therapy.
[0:10:53.4] JW: Therapy’s awesome, it really is. I mean, I still have some dark and angry moments but not – they’re not nearly as intrusive as they once were. Yeah, it’s something that I’m still working on with my therapist. Sometimes if I have maybe a sequence of days that are just more symptoms and I can’t really pinpoint the why, why did I have an increase? Then it kind of sneaks back in. Why is this happening? I’m so frustrated and angry about it but yeah, the biggest thing is just therapy.
[0:11:35.2] BP: Yeah, for sure.
[0:11:36.4] JW: Time as well.
[0:11:39.1] BP: Yeah, time helped me a lot but I get the – as someone who has had severe depression and a lot of those kinds of things, the thoughts like – I wouldn’t say I have severe depression anymore but I wouldn’t say that thoughts never show up and I’m just way better at making them go away than I used to.
[0:11:55.1] JW: Right
[0:11:57.9] BP: I also, when my symptoms get bad, actually, this was two weeks ago now. I had a headache for three days and like an extreme headache and I hadn’t had a headache like that like I couldn’t remember when and I remember I went to my dad’s office actually, to visit and I had to do like a couple of things and I remember, I just broke down, just completely – because my brother is looking young, he’s like, “Well, you don’t look good” He’s like watching me and then my dad is like, “You don’t look good.” The second somebody really asks then you're just like, that’s –
[0:12:31.1] JW: You can’t ask anything like that. Yeah, if you’re just teetering there, yeah.
[0:12:36.2] BP: Breaking point of like breaking completely and you’re just like, trying not to step off that edge and then somebody ask, “Are you okay?
[0:12:45.7] JW: Forget it.
[0:12:46.3] BP: I just fell apart because I was like, I don’t know why this is happening, I didn’t change anything, I didn’t do anything, are they keeping track of everything, I didn’t skip any of my like, I’m on – I probably swallowed 10 plus medications and supplements a day, I didn’t screw this up, I didn’t eat a ton of sugar because that causes my headaches and I remember just being so frustrated.
[0:13:09.3] JW: Yes.
[0:13:11.1] BP: Therapy has taught me a lot of things to calm down after that but it still happens sometimes.
[0:13:15.4] JW: It sure does. Yeah, it’s a lot of coping mechanisms and with therapy, at least for me, it’s working on – anger and anxiety are the biggest issues and also coming to the realization and dealing with the realization that this might be me forever now.
[0:13:38.0] BP: Yeah, that’s hard.
[0:13:39.1] JW: It is.
[0:13:40.6] BP: Are you supposed to accept it? I don’t know.
[0:13:43.1] JW: Right. I remember, gosh, probably a year and half ago now, meeting with my doctor and I was so frustrated because I’m not better yet and she said, right, you might not be for a while, what do you mean? It might be years and maybe not even then. I don’t want her to sugar coat anything with me because I want to know the truth but I thought, “Oh my gosh, what do you mean?” It could be years or maybe not ever, so dealing with that with my therapist has been super helpful in just different coping mechanisms with anger, anxiety because it is here to stay.
[0:14:25.1] BP: Well, for sure and when you do have headaches, I find anxiety is like really high. I guess I never realized how high mine was until I clued in that I never have left the house without a hat on because I didn’t like when someone touches my head, my whole entire body still freezes to this day and I don’t get a headache every day anymore.
[0:14:45.4] JW: Yes.
[0:14:46.6] BP: Just the idea like my brother, I’m really short so he’ll go and touch my head because he is really tall and he’s like, “Right, don’t touch the head.” I’m like, “Yes.”
[0:14:56.2] JW: We’re the same way. I’ve never heard anyone else say that like my co-worker will come by and just with a piece of paper and now I know a piece of paper is not going to do anything to me –
[0:15:09.3] BP: But the anxiety of it.
[0:15:11.0] JW: Yeah, it sends this wave through my body and I just get so tense like please don’t do that. It’s crazy.
[0:15:19.9] BP: Yeah, it is no and I never really clued into like how that’s anxiety because I was like, “Oh I’m such a calm person” like you know?
[0:15:30.2] JW: I can put on the good calm front too.
[0:15:32.6] BP: Yeah, you’re like, “Oh you’re so patient, you’re so calm” when crazy situations are happening and I am the person that’s like, “Yeah, it will be fine” you know? I’m always that person but then at the same time I have extreme anxiety from other things but I never – it took me a long time to put the two together.
[0:15:49.9] JW: Yes.
[0:15:50.3] BP: Because my personality on the outside is not anxiety but on the inside there’s a lot of it.
[0:15:56.5] JW: Yes.
[0:15:56.9] BP: Yeah but that’s funny, the paper thing, yeah that’s another thing, just like anything, anything close to my head, and I am better now but when my head did hurt a lot I would snap, instantly snap like you were asking for me to yell at you or to tell you to get out of my life because I was already in so much pain, so the idea that you are going to create more was not okay with me.
[0:16:22.9] JW: Absolutely.
[0:16:24.1] BP: With that, let’s take a break. Be sure to stay tuned to listen in on our conversation on being a parent while living with PCS.
[BREAK]
[0:16:37.6] BP: Want to create awareness for concussions? Want to support our podcast and website? Buy awareness clothing today on postconcussioninc.com and get 10% off using “listenin.” That’s “listenin” and be sure to tag Post Concussion Inc. in your photos. We’d love to see them.
[INTERVIEW CONTINUED]
[0:17:04.1] BP: Welcome back to the Post Concussion Podcast with myself, Bella Paige, and today’s guest, Jennifer Wimer. We’re going to get into parenting and having a concussion, which is a whole realm of things to talk about but do you have any tips just to start while being a parent and living with post-concussion symptoms?
[0:17:23.4] JW: Gosh, yeah. My biggest tip would probably don’t be afraid to ask for help. That’s number one and I think a lot of parents are used to trying to do it all or always being the person to do it all and I know at least for me, there were months where I couldn’t do much at all and it was hard for me to accept that because that’s not who I am as a person but I had to just be honest and say, “I can’t. This is what I need to eventually be better” or at least the best version of myself eventually. Yeah, the biggest part is just being honest in saying, “I need help with the kids. I need help with dinner or shopping” or whatever it is.
[0:18:21.8] BP: Little things, dropping off a kid at soccer practice, right?
[0:18:24.9] JW: Absolutely, yes.
[0:18:26.3] BP: That’s really important and it’s really hard to ask for help when you’re going through this and then it’s really hard to ask for help from people who don’t understand it as well because they will look at you like you’re okay but you’re not okay, so you just had to kind of accept that you might get that look but still try to ask for help as best as you can.
[0:18:46.2] JW: Yes.
[0:18:47.1] BP: Did you explain to your kids your situation at all like when you get hurt, re-hurt?
[0:18:55.3] JW: Yeah, they’ve been around for all of my concussions. I’ve always been pretty open with them about it. I mean the first was after an auto accident and they knew that my head hurt and you know, I just didn’t feel great. Now that they’re a little bit older, they can understand a little bit more and I’d be able to be a bit more specific with the symptoms. I remember my younger son at one point, I just said, “You know, I don’t feel good. I just feel sick” and it’s from when I hit my head and he was worried that he could get sick from me.
He wasn’t worried so much but I had to explain, “No, this is just me. It’s because I hit my head so it’s only affecting me. You cannot feel this” I had extreme nausea for a long time, so you can’t get this from me and so –
[0:19:55.5] BP: I’m not contagious.
[0:19:56.8] JW: Right and when you’re little, I mean that’s hard to –
[0:19:59.9] BP: It’s hard to understand.
[0:20:00.8] JW: Understand because you think other than this, if you see someone sick, “Okay, we’re going to make sure we’re going to stay away from them and let them rest” because we don’t want to get it. Well, this is just different.
[0:20:13.6] BP: How did explaining it go? Did you ever sit them down and have a talk or you just kind of casually would mention how you were doing at times?
[0:20:23.5] JW: I think it was more casual because after my fourth concussion, I mean the symptoms were pretty intense for a long time but even now, there are some days that are just worst and I’ll just say, “Oh I’m just having a bad concussion day” and sometimes they’ll say, “Oh my gosh, still?” “Yeah” but it is not – then I’ll remind them, “Remember a couple of years ago when I was really feeling crappy all the time” and they say, “Oh yeah, I do remember that” and then now you’re not, right? It’s always been a little bit more casual I guess that’s just how my family is and you know –
[0:21:07.8] BP: Yeah, I know every family is different, I was just curious because people – it hard to explain to kids but it is also good that they have at least some kind of knowledge of what is going on so they don’t feel like they’re mommy is always laying down or can’t play with us or daddy can’t do this.
[0:21:25.5] JW: For sure.
[0:21:26.2] BP: Those kinds of aspects definitely I feel like would occur, right?
[0:21:29.3] JW: Absolutely. I remember it was maybe four months after my last concussion and we went to an amusement park and I was not ready to ride any rides. I don’t think I am yet and it’s been almost two years. Spinning and lights and it just – I don’t know.
[0:21:49.1] BP: I have done it because I love rollercoasters but I paid for it for about a week.
[0:21:54.6] JW: Did you really?
[0:21:55.6] BP: Every time I’ve gotten.
[0:21:56.7] JW: Yeah, I also love rollercoasters but I haven’t ventured there yet.
[0:22:00.4] BP: That’s okay.
[0:22:01.0] JW: Yeah, I want to eventually. I really do but the day we took the kids I said, “You know, I’m going to be here but I am not going to be able to ride anything” and I think that was a little hard for them because they really wanted me to ride with them but oh my gosh, I just – I had trouble watching the rides at that point. It was a lot for me to just be there but I think eventually, we’ll all be able to go and ride things together but I do remember that day.
It’s like, “Come on mom, let’s ride” and of course, it was like some extremely spinny like flashy ride. I just, “I’m going to be over here, how about I go get French fries instead?”
[0:22:44.4] BP: Yeah, sorry, yeah. Do you find you’re a lot more cautious with your kids now than you were before?
[0:22:52.6] JW: Perhaps a little more, yeah. I’m definitely, oh my gosh, if one of them hits their head on something, I am just, “Oh my gosh, are you okay? Do you need to lay down? What are your symptoms?” it’s immediate like, “I’m fine” but like, “Are you really?” If this – if your headache lasts more than – I don’t know –
[0:23:14.6] BP: You just start yeah –
[0:23:15.3] JW: Very nervous about it but I don’t want that for them. I don’t want it for anybody but especially not my children.
[0:23:21.4] BP: Totally fair.
[0:23:22.9] JW: Yeah but my younger son is interested in playing tackle football and –
[0:23:28.3] BP: Okay, yeah that would terrify me a little bit on the inside.
[0:23:32.7] JW: Yeah and I am a big football fan and I would love that but at the same time, I don’t know.
[0:23:42.3] BP: Yeah, no that’s okay.
[0:23:44.4] JW: I don’t know if I can happen.
[0:23:46.2] BP: I was just telling, because I myself, if I see a kid or when I’ve had students like fall off a horse or I would now I spend a lot of time in a dirt bike track so I see a kid crash right there and then I am checking on them the next day. To me it is not just about right now, it is how do you feel in the morning. Are you okay? Should you be on a dirt bike again? I know you’re little but your head is not supposed to hurt, so is your head hurting? Can you tell me how you’re feeling?
When they are really little, I try to phrase the questions differently because sometimes they just kind of look at you like you’re – “What are you talking about? I’m fine.”
[0:24:27.8] JW: I’m fine, right.
[0:24:29.3] BP: You also don’t want to ask so many questions that all of a sudden it’s like when you run to the screaming crying kid and then all of a sudden they’re crying, it’s louder when you show up. It’s like finding the balance but also being concerned about their head like my family, they know because I’m definitely the first person to run and jump when a kid falls really badly because I’m a little bit more paranoid than I – I am so pro-sport, pro all of that I think it’s really important but I am also very like, “I need to make sure you’re okay.”
[0:25:01.2] JW: Right, I think that’s reasonable especially after everything you’ve dealt with.
[0:25:07.0] BP: Yes. I am not against riding like my dad is now but I have a niece and she’s little and she loves horses. She comes to see my one that’s retired all the time and he’s like, “I’m never helping fund that sport again.” He’s like, “I can’t do it” and I get it because he watched me suffer severely but in his mind, that’s part. He has to blame some of a bit on the horses because they have their own brains, so we get it from a parent perspective but like it’s the horses fault but yeah, I know. It definitely changes your perspective of people getting hurt and I was just wondering like having your own kids, I feel like you would definitely play a role there as well.
[0:25:52.3] JW: Oh, for sure and actually I guess concussion talk has just become so normal in my house. We’ll be watching like those funny home video shows and you know someone –
[0:26:05.6] BP: Yeah, those make me cringe. No, not what they do.
[0:26:06.7] JW: Right, even my kids. We’ll be watching it together and they’ll say, “Oh, that’s a concussion.”
[0:26:14.1] BP: That’s cute actually.
[0:26:15.7] JW: Yeah, probably he has a pretty hard hit.
[0:26:20.2] BP: Yeah, that’s funny. Is there anything else you would like to add before ending today’s episode?
[0:26:27.1] JW: I mean the biggest thing I can say to anyone whether it’s a parent or anyone dealing with post-concussion syndrome is just do what’s necessary for you to feel better. If that’s laying down, if it’s going for a walk, whatever it is, you have to do it. It’s not selfish, it is a 100% necessary to get where you want to be and I think sometimes that’s hard to wrap your head around because maybe taking care of yourself might feel selfish but it’s not.
[0:27:03.3] BP: No and if you really want to be able to be there for the people around you, you have to be okay first, right?
[0:27:09.9] JW: Yes, absolutely.
[0:27:12.1] BP: Well, thank you so much for joining and sharing your story on life post-concussion.
[0:27:17.5] JW: Thank you for having me.
[END OF INTERVIEW]
[0:27:21.4] BP: Has your life been affected by concussions? Join our podcast by getting in touch. Thank you so much for listening to The Post Concussion Podcast and be sure to help us educate the world about the reality of concussion by giving us a share and to learn more, don’t forget to subscribe.
[END]
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