No Recovery Timeline with Nathalie Pavao
Show Notes:
Sharing your experience with those who’ve never had a concussion before can be a source of immense frustration and a breeding ground for anger. Here with us today to reflect on this experience is Nathalie Pavao; wife, mother to four boys, advertising graduate, home hairstylist, and concussion survivor. Our conversation unpacks Nathalie’s experience of the open-ended timeline that an invisible injury like a concussion can have, from her unexpected holiday fall to the effects that her symptoms have had on not only her day-to-day life but her role as a wife and mother too. Don’t miss out on this candid and inspiring conversation. Tune in today!
Key Points From This Episode:
Nathalie shares her most significant concussion experience.
Why she didn’t go to the hospital right after the incident.
What happened when she finally went to the hospital.
The different types of treatments that Nathalie tried (and which ones helped).
Nathalie shares her frustration with not having a timeline for her healing journey.
Comparing her concussion experience with that of her husband.
How Nathalie navigates dealing with others who are trying to understand her ‘invisible injury’.
How the concussion has affected her life as a wife and a mom.
Parting words of encouragement from Nathalie.
Connect with Nathalie on Instagram @nathalie.pavao
Schedule a One-On-One with Bella Paige
Post-Concussion life can be extremely difficult to manage. These one-on-one meetings are not only for survivors but their family and loved ones as well!
Get help with navigating post-concussion life, retiring from a sport, finding specialists near you, next steps, and much more!
Follow Post Concussion Inc on Social Media to stay up to date on the podcast
-
[INTRO]
[00:00:05] BP: Hi everyone, I'm your host Bella Paige. After suffering from post-concussion syndrome for years, it was time to do something about it. So, welcome to the Post Concussion Podcast where we dig deep into life when it doesn't go back to normal. Be sure to share the podcast and join our support network, Concussion Connect. Let's make this invisible injury become visible.
[DISCLAIMER]
The Post Concussion Podcast is strictly an information podcast about concussions and post-concussion syndrome. It does not provide, nor substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice, or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. The opinions expressed in this podcast are simply intended to spark discussion about concussions and post-concussion syndrome.
[EPISODE]
[00:01:14] BP: Welcome to episode number 79 of the Post Concussion Podcast with myself, Bella Paige and today's guest, Nathalie Pavao. Nathalie is a mother of four boys from 10 to one. She has been happily married for 10 years. She is an advertising graduate, gone hairstylist graduate three years ago. Nathalie went back to school with three young boys and now has a home salon. She loves music and feels very connected to spiritual guidance and energy healing. Welcome to the show, Nathalie.
[00:01:45] NP: Thank you. Thank you for having me.
[00:01:47] BP: So to start, do you want to tell everyone about the concussions you've experienced?
[00:01:51] NP: Yeah. So I've only experienced one that I guess you could say is the most significant. I've had the usual, you slip on your bum, and you fall, and minor little things like that. But the one that has really, I guess you could say affected me, was family day weekend two years ago. I was out with my husband, and we do our annual trips, one weekend or one night, I should say out of the whole year that we kind of spend just the two of us, and usually, it's for our anniversary. This year, we had kind of postponed it because of 2020. Basically, went away, had – we were going for a dinner reservation after spending like all day.
To my amazement, as I'm kind of walking to our table to be seated, oil was found on the floor, which I guess at the time, I mean, obviously I didn't see. But my legs slipped out from under me, causing me to basically fall backward. I guess sideways, sorry, not backwards, on to a table and a chair that were not being occupied. So I ended up hitting my head three times. At the top of my head once on the table, then following lower, I hit it on the part that basically kind of connects that soft area to your neck, to your head, and your spine. And then that was on the edge of the chair, so kind of right where the corner is. And of course, to my luck, these chairs had, the legs were kind of like round posts that kind of stuck out, so they were a little bit elevated from the actual part that you sit on. So I hit that one specific area on the lower part of my neck. The third time was when I landed on the floor basically under the table. I didn't black out completely, like I wasn't unconscious at all, but it definitely took me a couple of minutes to get my footing.
[00:03:39] BP: Yeah, I bet it did. It's not really like slipping and falling. People always don't realize how severe it can be, or how long term it can affect you. We've had a few people on the podcast where they're like, “Oh, I just bumped my head. It's what it felt like,” but it was actually more severe. So did you go to the hospital after that?
[00:03:58] NP: So I'm a mom of four, so of course, first thing that I thought was, like you said, I thought, “You know what, I fell, I hit my head. It's not a big deal. There was no bleeding.” It's sad to say that there were no open wounds that needed to be tend to at that time. I'm thinking I just bumped my head, like I've done – you know, you hit it here and there, whatever. You have little bumps and bruises. I was like. “Okay, it's a little bit more of just a bump,” but I honestly only felt like one pain basically on the side of my head.” It wasn't like I felt all these areas kind of isolated. So I didn't go to the hospital that night, probably should have. But when they asked me about the hospital, my fear was, kind of kicked in that if it was worse than I thought it was because of you know, my head was starting to hurt. I was starting to feel nauseous. I was almost scared that if they told me I had to stay in the hospital. I was about two and a half hours from home.
So now, my husband would have me in the hospital, where we were, and then two and a half hours away would be all three at the time of my kids with their grandma. So I was like, “How's that even going to work?” My brain just didn't even want to go there. Like I just – I was like, “You know what, if it's that bad, I'll go to the hospital tomorrow, I'll go close to home. Like, at least you know, if they keep me for a few hours, or they keep me overnight, then at least I'm close to home.”
[00:05:21] BP: Yeah, it makes a lot of sense, because you don't want to be – your brain thinks ahead, right? You're like, “Well, then, how long am I going to be in the hospital? What if it isn't a quick visit? How is this going to work?”
[00:05:32] NP: Yeah.
[00:05:32] BP: All those types of things.
[00:05:34] NP: Like I don't want to be like – I didn't want my husband to have to be, “Okay. Well, I have to go back here, or do this, or do that, and then, the kids.” So I was like, “No, it's okay.” I'm like, “You know what, I put ice on it. I'll go to the hospital when I get home if I need to.” But again, I don't even think I really ever thought I'd have to go to the hospital the next day. I'm thinking, I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to sleep. I'm going to sleep this off. I'll be a little sore tomorrow, but I'll be okay.
[00:06:02] BP: When you did go to the hospital, how did that go?
[00:06:05] NP: So my plan of sleeping just went out the window that night. My husband didn't want me to go to sleep right away, so we kind of went outside and like I went back to our hotel room, change my clothes so that I could be comfortable. Then we basically, he made me go walking for a bit just to get fresh air and not fall asleep, right? I think he knew more than I did at that point, that it wasn't just a regular bump on the head. We woke up, or we got up the next morning. I tried to have breakfast, because he wanted me to eat something and I was like, “I can't eat. I can't do this.” I’m like, I don't even want to look at food, I didn't want to smell food, I didn't want to be anywhere, like I just wanted my glasses on and I wanted to hide under a blanket.
We ended up leaving the hotel that morning, we drove all the way back home, and we got close to home, we went to the hospital. The minute that – I think I got there, it must have been like, around 11 in the morning. The minute that I told them about my injuries, they basically made me sit in a wheelchair, they wouldn't allow me to walk. I was kind of like, “Okay. This is a little dramatic.” I wasn't thinking like, you know, “Why are they making me sit? I'm fine. I walked in here.” I will say the car ride back was horrible. I made my cousin sit in the front seat, I sat in the back and I laid across the pull back seat with a blanket over my head the entire two-hour ride home. I wouldn't even let them turn the music on, because I was like losing my mind. That’s how bad my head hurt.
[00:07:34] BP: Yeah. I get that.
[00:07:35] NP: But again, I wasn't thinking anything of it. I was just like, “My head hurts. I have a headache. Like I hit my head. It's normal, right?” When I was at the hospital, when I saw the doctor, he basically told me, he's like, “I have to do x-rays of everything from the top of your head down to your legs.” I didn't understand it, and I'm like, “Why?” He's like, “Well, I have to do x-rays of your whole spine, because for all we know, you could have fractured something.” He's like, “You could be walking around with your spine fractured.” I'm like, “Oh.” I was like, “I didn't even think of that.” Right? Because, I mean, I'm thinking, I just bumped my head, like what's my spine have to do with it. But it ended up being that, where I hit on my neck was actually within an inch or so of, potentially, I could have paralyzed myself had I hit a little bit differently or landed a little differently.
[00:08:20] BP: Wow! It's always scary when you get told that. I know. I went to the doctor; tell me I was lucky to be alive after one head injury. I was like, “I don't know if that’s supposed to make me feel better.”
[00:08:30] NP: I know, right?
[00:08:31] BP: But it doesn't.
[00:08:33] NP: I was just sitting there and I'm like, “What do you mean?” Like I said, I didn't even think about it that night, like it didn't even process that that was something that potentially could have happened. I'm thinking, I slipped, I fell. I hit my head/ I'm going to be sore for a couple days and I'll be good.
[00:08:50] BP: Yeah. Obviously, things did not go back to normal like you hope or like you expected. What type of treatments have you tried? Did you find anything that helped?
[00:09:02] NP: Right off the bat, I have to say – now. this was basically February of 2020, COVID, hit hard, I guess here in Ontario, basically close to the end of March of 2020. For that month, guaranteed, I was basically at home. My husband had to be home, because I want to basically say. I was useless. My biggest task in the morning was getting out of bed without throwing up, and being able to move myself out of my bedroom and onto the sofa in a dark room. My husband used to try and make me eat, and I would just eat and then I would take Gravol right away. I lived off Gravol, because it was the only thing helping me subdue the nausea to a point where I could realistically open my eyes and function enough to take care of myself.
Right off the bat, because of COVID hitting I basically had that first month of like recuperating, like trying to get myself back to even being able to function as a normal human being. Let alone be home and take care of my three kids alone without my husband having to be with me. Then of course, COVID hit. So it kind of really – I want to say it made it really difficult to get really any form of treatment as far as medically. Other than, like I mean, going to my family physician and trying to get him to help me, obviously, like I had to take time off work that month that I should have been working, I basically couldn't work. I'm a hairstylist, so I couldn't be standing doing clients, focusing on cutting their hair, when I could barely stand up, let alone function long enough to brush my teeth and make myself breakfast. I don't think people are going to be very happy with their haircuts, had I done that and force myself to go to work.
It made it hard for me to really get any treatments as far as doctors wise in clinics. I did find a couple places that were doing massage. I tried doing those. I mean, they helped in the sense of relaxing my back, and my neck, and helping with the tension of just how stiff I was. But I wouldn't say that they ultimately helped with my recovery.
[00:11:04] BP: Yeah, that's fair.
[00:11:05] NP: More recently, in the last, probably about nine months or so, again, now that you know, things have opened and doctors are seeing new patients. I've been able to kind of explore a few more avenues. So my husband and I, actually in December of last year purchased a therapy tub, a hot therapy tub for outside. I was recommended by my concussion specialist here in the GTA, that aqua therapy would be very useful for me. I do love the water, and it has a very calming effect just in general. So we purchased a therapy tub with a lot of – it has a lot of major pressure points in the jets, like it's not just a regular have fun, sit in it hot tub. It focuses on a lot of the main areas of the body that you'd have tension. Shoulders, back, neck, and more specifically the neck area that I have, which is hard to get any real jets on.
I find that aqua therapy does help in, again, in the sense of relaxing. The only, I guess treatment, you could say I've tried that – I could say it gives me more help, I guess is acupuncture to be completely honest. Coincidentally enough, when I found my acupuncture doctor, he practices strict Chinese medicine. It's not just go and get needles put in, be there for 20 minutes and then get sent home. He really does focus in, and I tell you, he beats you up like you feel like you've gone to war when you leave there. But he does everything, like he does the acupuncture, then he does like [inaudible 0:12:36], then he'll do massage and point into area, like works them in as much as they hurt. He really does get in them. I find that that does help. It gives me like – from when I see him, I get about two weeks max of like somewhat of alleviation of symptoms. I don't want to say they're completely gone, but they definitely feel a little bit less.
[00:12:55] BP: Yeah, I get that. I used to always just be desperate for that. Just anything that would kind of even just get them to like slow down a little bit, and I was like, “This is worth it.”
[00:13:07] NP: Yeah. Honestly, I was going once a week, like for a good six weeks. I've been trying to go like once a week, just because I know that it helps, it makes me be able to function a little bit better.
[00:13:19] BP: Yeah, I used to go to one appointment, which was a mix of craniosacral work and maybe like Reiki and something else. I don't know, but it was like a combination of things. But I could go, and I wouldn't have a headache for like maybe a few hours that day, or half the day or whatever it was. But it was like the only time I was headache free, so I would call like twice a week. I think I was going three times, because otherwise, I didn't have a break from the headaches at all. It was like the only thing working. Every medication, and even like strong pain meds, nothing cause any relief except for that. I was like, “This is my favourite thing now. I'm going to be here all the time.”
[00:14:02] NP: I know, right? Even if you get a little break, it's like anything. I'll take anything at this point.
[00:14:07] BP: Yeah. Interesting how that happens and sad. So something you mentioned a little bit when we talked beforehand was, one of the hard parts was having no timeline. So, do you want to explain that a little bit and how that felt?
[00:14:21] NP: Yeah. I mean, to me just having like, not having a timeline of like, okay, you know. Let's say for example, you break your arm. I mean, you know that you're six weeks in a cast. I've never had it, but I've had one of my little guys that fractured his wrist and it's like, you're six weeks in a cast, you're doing physio after for two weeks, you're wearing a brace. Like they give you like a breakdown when you go in, and they're like, “This is how long it's going to take. Then you know, three months from now, you'll be completely fine and you won't feel it and you'll be good to go again.”
It's like, “Okay, great. That's awesome.” But like, you go in with a concussion and like, they tell you. “Oh, well, you know, you should have you know less symptoms in a couple of weeks.” It was like, I always heard from my doctor, “Well, a couple more days, and you should be feeling better.” It was like, “Well, a couple more days, and I'm like, “I'm two years out. What do you mean? Your timeline is not working for me. How had my injury followed a timeline? I should be better. I should be back to the way I was two years ago a I'm far from it.”
I think the frustration of that is what gets to me the most, it's because I know what my limits were two years ago, pre this accident. I'm not even close to them, like I feel – you almost feel angry with yourself. But you – it's like, I didn't do this to myself. It was an accident. It was something that I couldn't have prevented. I mean, it's not like I purposely fell and decided, “Oh, I'm going to hit my head today, just for fun.”
[00:15:52] BP: Yeah. I used to deal with anger too, and my anger was, I've explained it on the podcast before. It was kind of directed at a few things. One was at myself, mostly because at the time I was an athlete, so I strongly believe a lot of my symptoms ended up being so bad because I ignored them for so long. I was riding with headaches; I still didn't stop even once they started. I could barely go to school, but I would somehow make it to the barn a few days to ride a horse, that type of thing and I just wouldn't give up. I used to get mad at myself, but I used to always just be really mad, that I wasn't better yet, and that I couldn't – that I didn't know when it was going to happen, I guess.
Like even to this day, I couldn't tell you why things all of a sudden started getting better or what I did exactly. I always wished sometimes, I had like the magic answer, like what switch flipped that made everything started to go down where I could actually live my life. But I don't have the answer to that, and it can be really tough. But we've talked about a bit so far. We are going to talk about being a parent, of course, while dealing with this and a few other things, so make sure you're still here when we get back.
[BREAK
[00:17:11] BP: Have you joined our support network, Concussion Connect? Did you know we do monthly giveaways? Next month is a custom Post Concussion Podcast Yeti water bottle. Just for being a member, you get entered to win, become a member, and get the support you need by going to concussionconnect.com.
[INTERVIEW CONTINUES]
[00:17:34] BP: Welcome back to the Post Concussion Podcast with myself, Bella Paige and today's guest, Nathalie Pavao. We were talking actually on the break a little bit about what happens when talking and trying to communicate with others. Something Nathalie said was how your brain is almost fighting against you. I just really liked that, because that's what it feels like. It always feels like you're trying to succeed, and then your brain is just like in the opposite position against what you're trying to do every day. I wanted to ask a little bit about how comparing your own experience with your husband's has been? Because I know you've mentioned, he's had a few concussions, but he didn't go through what you’ve gone through.
[00:18:18] NP: Yeah. I mean, I always laugh because I say, my husband's a Portuguese, like he uses his head for everything. He's ha like – I've literally been around when he had the levels fall on his head, and he broke the level, and nothing happens to his head. Let me like, yeah, he's had more concussions than I can count. Even he'll tell you – he still has symptoms, don't get me wrong. His eyes are extremely sensitive to the sun and stuff like that. But he's never had the long term as far as like, the nausea, and like the mental – this is what I basically call it. It's like a mental delay. That's what I feel like my brain has. He doesn't have the long-lasting side effects that I have. I'm like, “How does that even make sense? You've hit your head more times than I think I can count.”
I mean, yeah, like I said, he deals with the small side effects of having a concussion, and he does get the migraines, and he has had times where he's had weeks to recover, but he's always recovered. Then I'm like, “I fell one time, once, and it's like why am I two years out and still like dealing with this? It's just ridiculous.”
[00:19:29] BP: I feel your frustration and comparing is really tough. I always really advise not to do it. I just wanted to talk about it, because you're dealing with it every day. I remember I had that feeling a lot when I used to write, because I'd watch friends have horrific falls in comparison to some of mine, or they would ride young horses, and get thrown off a lot, and things like that. It’s like, “Why are you okay and I’m not okay?” It’s not that I don’t want you to be okay. I want to be okay too.
[00:20:02] NP: Like when you look at someone, I’m like, “I want to be back to normal. I want to feel like normal again. I want to feel like me.” I mean, not to say any of us are really normal.
[00:20:10] BP: Like you. Yeah, you want to feel like you. I agree. I always say that to people.
[00:20:15] NP: Yeah. I want to be back to my normal, I want to be back to the way I used to function, I want to be able to multitask again.
[00:20:23] BP: Yeah. I still don't multitask the best and my friends know. Because if they're talking to me, and say I'm on my phone, sending a message, I don't hear what they say. I was like, “You know I can't.” So I was like, “Just give me a second. I told you I had to answer someone, and then talk.” Because I know, some people, they can text and like have a conversation, and I cannot. It's too – like my brain is looking at my phone, so that's where all my attention is. Then, I'm looking at you, and that's where all my attention is. I can't do both. My brain – I can't pick up both. It just doesn't work.
I've worked really hard on also being able to focus, because for a long time, I lost that ability. Where if someone was talking to me, I couldn't even read like a sentence on a wall because my brain was just like, it was too much going on. I'm happy I'm able to focus, but multitasking is not a thing that I can really do. I have to focus on one task, and just accept that, and it is okay, but it can be hard especially.
[00:21:23] NP: It’s exhausting. It makes life so much longer when you can’t multitask.
[00:21:30] BP: Mm-hmm. So the things we're talking about are really hard to understand if you haven't gotten through this. How do you find that dealing with others, trying to understand what you're going through, especially because they can't exactly see it?
[00:21:45] NP: I think part of it, I think that's probably been probably one of the worst parts of it, is explaining to – like I've had full out like arguments with family members. I've had full of arguments. I had one with my own father about him not understanding just the severity of what a concussion is. I think especially, older generations, they used to hear about concussions, severe concussions with athletes. They think like, “Oh. Well, you just fell and hit your head. You didn't play professional football or professional soccer and get knocked out.”
[00:22:21] BP: Get knocked out.
[00:22:22] NP: It’s like, “You hit it two years ago, like come on. Okay, you've got some –” and it's like, “No, like you don't.” I don't even wish I could, because I would never want someone to go through what I go through on a daily basis. But just for them to understand for five seconds what you live like on a daily basis compared to what you used to. It's like, I almost wish I could do a playback for them. Like this was me two years ago, this is me now, and you could have a side-by-side comparison. Because it's like –
[00:22:49] BP: Yeah.
[00:22:51] NP: Yeah.
[00:22:51] BP: Like a lot of YouTube clip.
[00:22:52] NP: Can I show you a clip of what I was, and then what I am, like – and it's not –when people say it's like the invisible injury or invisible, I guess, yeah, invisible injury, it really is like. I think the fact that you feel so isolated from it, I mean, I'm lucky in the sense that my husband does understand to most extent what I go through. And he really does understand the side effects and how it has affected me, not only as a person, but as a mom, and as a wife.
We've been together for 10 years. This year, married. We've known each other since we were 15. I'm going to be 35 this year. He's known me for most of my life or the majority of my life. He understands concussions, and he's been through it, so he kind of has that. That little bit of a window into understanding what I'm feeling when I tell him I have a symptom that day, or how I feel. But it's so irritating that people just don't get it. I think that one argument that, like to this day, it just sticks out in my head. It's like, I can't remember what it was. I think I was looking at like –
My doctor had basically told me, there's a couple of different avenues for worst off concussions, treatments that he kind of advised. I said to him, “Well, I'm going to look at possibly having Botox done.” Because Botox nowadays is not just something for the luxury cosmetic treatments, they're using it for a lot of different treatments as far as medically wise, like TMJ injuries, and migraines. Because of that, there's a lot of experiments, and kind of like trial treatments going into. Does it help with other injuries? Does it help with other recoveries?
Because of where my injury is, there's a lot of nerve damage to it, that kind of has a lot of my symptoms tied in. So you know, I just kind of mentioned that and he's like, “Well.” He kind of came out and said, “Well, you just hit your head. It’s just headaches. You can deal with them on a daily. I was like, “My head just wanted to pop off my shoulders and explode.” I was like, “What do you mean it's just –?” I had to honestly remove myself and just walk away, because to hear somebody say it's just headaches, it's just, like just deal with them. It was like, it's just my life. This is on a daily basis. If it was just a headache, I would deal with it, but it's not.
[00:25:23] BP: Depending on the person, like lots of people in Concussion Connect are like this as well. The headaches aren't just like a pain that you can ignore. Sometimes you do get good at ignoring it, but other times, it's this overwhelming pain that prevents you from, even like thinking like, what colour is that in your brain? It’s like, I don't know. Like, what colour is that? Is that blue? Oh, okay. It’s blue.
[00:25:46] NP: Like the stupidest thing is like your biggest challenge.
[00:25:49] BP: Yeah, yeah. Your ability to think goes away, your ability to read and process information. So many things that are a part of daily life are kind of taken away. Or the pain is so severe, like mine was for a few years where it didn't matter if I could do those things. Because the pain was so intense that I was lucky if I was able to walk across the house, and not collapse or fall. I used to talk about it before where, I used to get in a bed, walk 10 steps, sit down, get up, walk another 10 steps, sit down. That is how I used to travel through my house. Because if I slept for too long, the pain was so intense that my legs will kind of give out. That wasn’t very fun. Explaining that to people is hard. I like how you asked or mentioned when people say, “When did you get your head injury?” “Oh, it was two years ago.” I always don't like when people ask, because mine were – now, I think I'm at three and a half years since my last concussion. I always just say, I've had lots. Because for me, I have had lots, so that's my answer. But I don't think people always understand that it doesn't matter how many, it doesn't matter how you hit your head. There's a lot more to it than that, and they are working on researching it. But the answers kind of are blocked right now, but they're working on it. So, how has been being a parent these last two years? I'm sure it's been a bit of a roller coaster. But how are things going? Have things improved at all?
[00:27:21] NP: Honestly, I think most of my frustration comes from just how it has affected mainly being, kind of like I touched on before, mainly being a wife and a mom. I know what my limits were before my concussion. I know that I used to be able to multitask. I used to be able to have my kid next to me, talking to me, and telling me something that they want to tell me and not burn dinner. Like something as stupid as burn a toast that I have. It's like I can't anymore. There's a lot of, I guess mom guilt too that goes into it. Because there's been days and I'm – like I said, I'm two years out, and there's still days like yesterday where I basically just have to lay down on the couch. Even the smallest noise of my kids laughing. We were in the car ride, and my head was hurting so bad, and my nausea was so bad that I had errands I had to get done. I mean, I'm blessed, my husband always driving. For the most part, if I have to go out and do stuff, I do get him to drive if he's home, just because it's one less thing to deal with, and I don't have to force myself to now focus on the road, the kids and everything else.
But my symptoms were so bad yesterday, that even just them laughing in the back of the car and joking around. I had to be like, “Guys, mommy's head's going to explode.” Then there's like the mom guilt that comes back. It's like, but they're laughing, they're not fighting. They're not – they're being kids. They should be able to be kids. I shouldn't have to tell them to stop, or not be laughing, or joking, or playing with each other. I mean, especially they’re three boys. My oldest – three. Well, even my youngest one. They’re four boys. But the older three are really close in age, and they're always horse playing, being clowns. It was just like, it kills you, because you're like, they shouldn't have to adjust their way of life, and being kids because my head hurts or my nausea is out of control.
I did have to take my oil and I mean, I'll be honest, my CBD oil is probably the only thing that gets me through daily functioning somewhat of a normal life. It was something that I know it's still experimental. I know that my concussion specialist in Toronto that I spoke to, and I dealt with is still looking at how it helps, and how much it really helps, and what the - there's a lot of research still going into it, but it's the only way I function. Especially days like yesterday, it kicks in within 20 minutes. I'm starting to, the symptoms are a lot less. I mean, that's just personally for me. Again, everybody has different avenues that I'm sure they've tried, and what works for them. It’s sad because you kind of have to experiment. Your body almost becomes like a lab where I feel like you have to try and you're desperate, right? I mean, most people as sad as it sounds will try just about anything to get, like we were saying before, even 20 minutes of relief.
[00:30:13] BP: Yeah, it's true. I would try anything. Like I had my parents sending me everywhere, anyone I could find to go try. Even if I thought it was like crazy, or like the most out-there treatment to try. I'd be like, “I'm down. Let's go for it. You're going to shoot lasers at my brain? Yeah, okay. Sure.” Whatever you think it's going to work, I will be there.
[00:30:34] NP: Even if there’s like a 1% chance, you’re like, “Okay. Sign me up. I’m good.”
[00:30:38] BP: Yeah, “Less than 1%. I was like, “I'm there. I will take it. I will try it.” Like my dad would buy these funky devices for headaches and things. I'd be like, “I'm trying it.” Oh, there was one time he bought this massage helmet, and he put it on his head. He's like, “It kind of feels like kind of relaxing.” I was like, “Okay.” I put on my head, and I screamed. I had to take it off, just because my head is so sensitive at the time, that I was like, “No, no, no.”
[00:31:10] NP: Yeah. You’re like, “No, thanks. Take all of that.”
[00:31:12] BP: And he was just shocked, he was like, “That's how sensitive your head is.” I was like, “Yeah.” He's like, “I didn't even have it on yet. It was just like sitting around your head.” But like all the little bulbs that moved around your head, I was like, I can't handle that. So it was interesting.
But you talked about mom guilt, and I know, I think parents have that no matter what, but it can definitely be hard with a concussion. I know, I often take care of my sisters, three little ones. Some days, I have to say like, “I know I'm here, but I have a quiet day. We’re going to have a quiet day. Auntie has a headache. Auntie needs a little bit of a quiet day, so we're going to build puzzles, and we're not going to play baseball. We're going to try to like be a little bit under the radar for the energy levels if we can.” And then they forget all the time, because they're little. They’re kids.
[00:32:04] NP: Yeah, they have fun. They want to – the get carried away.
[00:32:05] BP: I say something, and they're good for about like 20 minutes, we’re quiet. Then all of a sudden, there's like someone screaming or someone like jumping on top of me. I'm like, “Okay, remember.” And they're like, “Oh, yeah.” But they're little and they’re kids. It's a cycle, but it can be hard, especially when you're dealing with lack of emotional control and things like that.
[00:32:26] NP: Yeah. I mean, even like, my oldest is 10. He'll be 11 in January. I see how he knows. He knows my triggers. He knows – you know, and it's crazy, because he'll say like, “Oh, mom. I know you forget things, your head from when you hit your head.” It's like, my kids have now had to adjust their lives because of an injury that I have. Their childhood has been altered, really, because it has been. If he knows, if I don't feel good, he'll be like, “Mom, do you need to go lay down? Do you want to go lay on the sofa? I'll sit with my brothers, don't worry.” He legitimately has had to as much as I try to not get them to kind of play that adult, big, big brother kind of role, he very often or takes it on. It's crazy how he really sees how I am different. I'm not like I used to be.
I mean, his younger brothers don't really know any different because they were too young to kind of remember. But they'll say – my youngest might say, “Mommy, you said something funny. That didn't make sense.” He's like, “Well, mommy hit her head, remember. Her brain doesn't always say what she wants to say.” He does recognize that and I'm like, “Oh my God, you're 10. You shouldn't like – this shouldn't be a thing.”
[00:33:43] BP: Yeah. The only thing I could ever say is sometimes it's hard, because it's like, “Oh, my kids are changing because of this.” But also, like your kids are very empathetic because of it and learn, like there is beneficial qualities to learn from understanding how someone can be ill, and how their days change, and how we don't always see it [inaudible 00:34:02] things.
[00:34:02] NP: No, definitely.
[00:34:03] BP: But you've shared so much today about being a mom and dealing with this invisible injury, and all the craziness that goes with it. So is there anything else you'd like to add before we end today's episode.
[00:34:18] NP: No. I mean, honestly, I just want to say thank you. Because, I think, honestly before finding this page on Instagram, and I don't even remember how I found it, to be completely honest. I want to say that, it was brought to me somehow, some way by someone that really knew I needed it. But I want to say thank you, because honestly, before seeing your page, and your group, and everything, I really did feel like alone in this whole thing. So it gives me a sense of not so loneliness in unity, and knowing that I'm not completely isolated and the only one dealing with this. Even just with some of the quotes you post, and the pictures you post and the messages. I'm like, I always take them, because I'm like, it gives people a little bit more of a window as to what we go through on a daily basis. So I really do appreciate it and all the hard work that you've put into this group and this page. I can tell you; it really does make a difference.
[00:35:14] BP: Well, thank you. If I could explain how much it means, I don't think people would understand. Because there is always the odd day where like, “I can't. I am also healing.” So some days, it gets harder than people think. But I am so glad that it's helped you so much and help so many people. I just want to thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and some of your life post concussion because it always is helping others.
[00:35:39] NP: Thank you. Thank you for having me.
[END OF EPISODE]
[00:35:43] BP: Need more than just this podcast? Be sure to check out our website, postconcussioninc.com, to see how we can help you in your post-concussion life, from a support network to one-on-one coaching, I believe life can get better because I've lived through it. Make sure you take it one day at a time.
[END]
The Post Concussion Cookbook is Launching Soon!
Get the FREE ebook when a member of Concussion Connect
OTHER CONTENT YOU MAY LIKE
