Family and Post Concussion Syndrome

Now there are often two types of situations that occur when you have post-concussion syndrome. Either your family does not believe you because they can not see the challenges you are struggling with, or they're loving and supportive. I have been lucky enough to have an incredibly supportive family but will be sure to discuss having an unsupportive family in the future. 

My Parents

My parents believed me and tried to help with every problem or symptom that came up, making a world of difference. They believed me when I said I was having trouble remembering things, especially when reading, so they got me neurological assessments done more than once throughout my schooling to ensure I could succeed just like everyone else. I came up with ideas or found doctors online, and they would do everything in their power to get me there. Growing up in a more remote city meant traveling to specialists often, which wouldn't be such a bad thing if flying was easy like it used to be. The planes' air pressure often heightened my pain to an extreme level, but I'd go anyway just for the shot of someone helping.

My Dad researched into different everything, asked everyone he knew, and supported me in every way especially when it came to trying different treatments. My Mom was the one who slept at the bottom of hospital beds as I'd wait for doctors or wait and wait in the ER to get help. She was also the one who calmed me down when I had my pain attacks, which were like a panic attack but seemed a lot more intense, especially to watch. My Mom is the one I was around most and was also the one that got me at my absolute worse. Situations where I'd be laying on the floor crying in pain, taking all of my anger out on her with no control of my emotions. She got the cold snaps of

"I'm fine," "Stop asking," "Leave me alone"

when all she was doing was trying to help. I wish I could take back many of the things I said to her, but I know there's no way to make up for it. I am one of the most fortunate people to have parents like mine.

One of the hardest things for me was watching my parent's faces when everything they were trying was failing. The look of hurting parents just wanting to help is crushing, I know they did their best to hide it, but it wasn't always possible.

My Siblings

My siblings all handled my situation differently but were all supportive of everything I tried. I remember the odd comments of "why do I have to go to school if she's staying home" which at the age we were was pretty fair because other than living in sweatpants, I really didn't look ill, and often, I was feeling best later in the day though that still wouldn't be considered normal.

One memory I have is scaring my older sister when she saw one of my pain attacks for the first time. It was at least -20^oC (-4^oF) outside. I was in shorts and a t-shirt hanging out the back door, trying to catch my breath and cool down. My body's temperature control was poor, and I was boiling, unable to breathe, but I looked as faint as a ghost. She freaked, called our Mom, telling her I needed to go to the hospital and that I looked like I was dying, all while I was trying to reassure her that this was just something I dealt with on a weekly basis.

My siblings were the greatest, allowing me to always be surrounded by their energy and the constant idea of leaving them kept me from taking my life when in the worst pain of my life. They loved me even if they needed to give me rides just to see my horse because I wasn't up to driving or when all of our parents' attention was on me. Though it wasn't truly all on me, it was often the common topic of conversation, and without amazing siblings like them, I know many others may have resented growing up with an injured sibling, but they love me and always helped to make the dark times lighter. 

The Struggle of Having a Supportive Family

I struggled with having such a loving family because I knew that they often absorbed how I felt, primarily my Mom; she's an "if you cry, she cries" type of Mom. So I kept things from them, not wanting them to know that I didn't want to wake up in the morning for years. That the pain never went away, but I just got better at living through it, that I was heavily depressed and needed help. I just didn't know how to not hide it behind a smile, for their sake. Though I learned years later in a hospital bed, I should have reached out because the people who were going to save my life and support me through anything were around me every day.

Tips if you are the One Struggling

• You're not alone; understand that your family and friends are there for you.
• Try to apologize if you lash out, not at the time, but when you're feeling up to it, saying a simple sorry or giving a hug can go a long way.
• Tell the truth; keeping things to yourself only hurts you in the end.

Tips if you are the One Caring & Supporting

• Believe them; no one is making things up.
• Understand and remember that when someone is struggling with an invisible illness, they may say things they do not mean.
• Come up with a different question than "are you okay?," they're not okay, so here are some alternatives:
  • Is there anything I can help you with?
  • I know you're not okay; I'm here if you want to talk.
  • How are you doing?

If you do not have a loving, supporting family as I do, please reach out and send a message if you need someone to talk to! Also be sure to share this article with anyone you think it may help!

One day at a time,
Bella