The Sensitive Brain
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The thing about brain injuries is that they're not like a broken bone, now I've broken bones that hurt after they have healed from too much use, but when a bone heals, it's easy to see. Usually, x-rays are completed, and you start to feel better within six to eight weeks! Now a brain injury is so much more sensitive and unclear.
My Relapse
Take me for example; I just experienced the four worst weeks I have had in months health-wise, and all it took was one small change. Whether it's more activity, a supplement or medication change, the weather, changes in your life, the brain reacts. Sometimes when it's something medical like in my situation, it takes a while to get things back to the way they were. So I spent the last four weeks questioning the amount of pain I've been in, questioning doing all of this. The blog, the podcast, the store (coming in a few days), but let alone a master's program that was about to start. My brain was on fire; I almost went to the hospital after being woken up at 5:00 am in extreme pain just a week ago, which I haven't done in years because in the years where I went weekly, it never truly benefited me. I was afraid, thoughts going through my head. What if this was all a bad idea? What if you really aren't up for it?
The Fear
School was about to start in a few days, and I was back to feeling that hopelessness, that inability to live a normal life. My Mom made a comment saying I didn't seem like myself, and it was true. I was nervous again; for example, I love to ride snowmobiles but chose not to because my symptoms were increasing. I was honestly afraid of getting another concussion (Read more about fear here) because, as I said to one of my best friends during these past few weeks;
"I honestly have no idea how I did this every day, and it was so much worse in the past, I feel like death."
It felt true I was boiling, in pain, and unable to think. Bad thoughts were popping up again the dark clouds were near again just like that. All it took was for me to go backwards physically to have my mental health go along with it.
The Realization
What all this made me realize is how important all of this work is! There are so many people who have been struggling for years and more to come, and we all need help. We all need understanding! I needed Post Concussion Inc; I needed to know I wasn't all alone. So I hope you check out our social media and podcast so you can get as much support as possible.
I honestly didn't realize how bad I had been doing mentally until the last few days when, after some new medication changes again, I finally started to feel better. We don't always realize how harmful our thoughts are until they stop.
If You're Struggling
To the ones struggling like I just was, please reach out, talk to someone and never give up hope! Though it can be so so difficult, and I am not going to lie, I've given up in the past I'm human, and I don't have a miracle solution to post-concussion syndrome, but I do have lots of tips and tricks some may help you some may not, but that's okay every brain is different so try, try again until you find something that does.
I may be back to myself, my normal, but that isn't symptom-free, and that's okay. The fears of doing things again are starting to fade, and I am in full swing on Post Concussion Inc work and my master's program. I may be in my 20's and need a nap to get through most days to prevent exhaustion. I may sleep with a weighted blanket (Check out Hush use POSTCONCUSSION at checkout). I may take ten plus supplements a day and carry earplugs everywhere I go, but I am back to being excited for tomorrow, and it feels so good!
Our brains are so sensitive, and sometimes setbacks happen; mine took a whole month to balance back, but that doesn't mean it won't happen again. I caught myself using techniques from therapy that helped me so much; remember, therapy isn't just about venting; it's about useful tools you can use every day. If I can prevent one person from going down the road I took, this will all be worth every late night and minute!
If you haven't yet, check out our podcast!!
One day at a time,
Bella
