Losing Who You Are with Jennifer Margell
Show Notes:
Today’s guest is concussion survivor Jennifer Margell. Since her concussion, Jennifer has experienced many symptoms including non-epileptic seizures, PTSD, overstimulation, and chronic pain. She has found healing through practicing mindfulness, yoga, and making time for the things she enjoys. Jennifer shares details about the PTSD that effects her and how grounding techniques help calm the feeling. She is open and honest about the feeling of losing who she was as her concussion symptoms continued and the many ways it’s affected her life. Join us today to listen in to her very honest but relatable story.
Key Points From This Episode:
[00:01:56] Jennifer shares her concussion experience
[00:03:47] Jennifer explains her feelings of being lost with herself
[00:05:09] Jennifer shares her favourite therapy
[00:06:43] Bella explains the importance of keeping up with therapy at home
[00:08:52] Jennifer shares some useful tips!
[00:10:44] Podcast Supporter
[00:12:01] Bella & Jennifer discuss mental health and it's connection with concussions
[00:14:38] Jennifer explains her favourite ground technique
[00:16:04] Jennifer explains how meditation has helped her
[00:18:31] Jennifer shares about her support team
[00:19:43] Bella explains the challenge of explaining your symptoms to others
[00:21:39] Jennifer shares her final words
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Introduction
[00:00:00] Bella: Hi everyone. I'm your host Bella Page, and after suffering from post-concussion syndrome for years, it was time to do something about it. So welcome to the Post-concussion podcast where we dig deep into life When it doesn't go back to normal, be sure to share the podcast and join our support network Concussion Connect. Let's make this invisible injury become visible. The Post-Concussion Podcast is strictly an information podcast about concussions and post-concussion syndrome. It does not provide nor substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. The opinions expressed in this podcast are simply intended to spark discussion about concussions and post-concussion syndrome.
Podcast Introduction
[00:01:06] Bella: Welcome to episode number 99 of the Post-Concussion Podcast with my myself, Bella Paige, and today's guest, Jennifer Margell. Jennifer lives in the Ozarks with her husband and her dog, Paisley. She experienced her first concussion in 2021 when she was rear-ended in a car accident. Since her concussion, Jennifer has experienced many symptoms including non-epileptic seizures, P T S D, overstimulation and chronic pain.
She has found healing through practicing mindfulness, yoga and making time for the things she enjoys. Jennifer has found new passions after experiencing her injury. She is now a certified activities director and a yoga instructor in training. Jennifer is an advocate for those struggling with PCs and mental health issues.
Welcome to the show, Jennifer. Thanks for having me. So to start,
Jennifer shares her concussion experience
[00:01:56] Bella: do you wanna tell us a little bit about your concussion incident?
[00:01:59] Jennifer: Yes, I was on my regular commute to work, and I was hit from behind while my car was at a complete stop and I don't remember if I hit my head or not, I just don't remember. But as far as I know, I didn't hit my head. But I do remember the jolt being very violent and that's pretty much how it happened. I ended up going to the ER and I was diagnosed with a concussion and whiplash and I was really shocked at the concussion cuz I was I just didn't think you could get a concussion like that, or, I wasn't aware of that. I was shocked and little did I know what an adventure would be, so to speak. But yeah, I was diagnosed and they told me to just rest up for three days and then I could return to my normal activity after that. And the three days came and went, and by the fourth day I was having really bad symptoms.
I was unable to really hold a sentence with somebody. I had issues forming words and I spent about a month just kind of locked in a dark room. I mean, my husband had to help me with everything. Going to the bathroom, walking straight, you know. he would help me eat meals and when the meal was right in front of me, he would have to remind me to actually eat it. So for about a month I was really just out of it. And, you know, the symptoms just persisted. So later I was diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome, and really I haven't been the same since, so.
Jennifer explains her feelings of being lost with herself
[00:03:47] Bella: Do you wanna share what the same, like what do you mean by being the same since?
[00:03:52] Jennifer: Well, I feel like I've lost who I was prior to the accident. And certain things like skills and things I have worked on throughout my whole life. You know, I worked with people, I worked in public environments, and all of those things became really difficult for me to do. So it felt like everything that I had sort of put myself into, became very challenging after the accident.
And to this day, just being in a public environment's really difficult. I get really overwhelmed. and so I've kind of gone on this whole journey of like, well, who am I now?
[00:04:35] Bella: Yeah, I don't think you're the only one. I still have that feeling, even now. Yeah. Not trying to like scare people, but I think a lot of people have that feeling.
But I think after a concussion it's a lot more severe. Like I can't do a lot of the things I used to love. I feel like I'm not myself. And then you put all that together. It does really make you feel lost as a person. And so when you feel like that, especially when you're shocked that you even got a concussion and then I find like the shock of it not going away, it's also a really big deal.
Jennifer shares her favourite therapy
[00:05:09] Bella: So after, you know, you found out they had post-concussion syndrome, have you tried anything therapy wise? Has anything helped?
[00:05:16] Jennifer: Yes, I've tried a lot of things, I'm sure a lot of people have but what has helped me the most, probably going to physical therapy, just because I had a whiplash injury as well, so I had a lot of neck issues, and then the neck issues would give me headaches and it would just make everything worse.
So going to physical therapy kind of gave me a good guide as far as getting back to some sort of activity and, you know, luckily I don't really have any issues exercising. So that has helped me a lot just to be more active and to find the right types of exercises to do. So I'm really interested in restorative yoga. It's a much gentler practice and it's not so much geared towards having a certain type of body. It's really geared towards healing and that has really helped me a lot. It's something I, do every day.
[00:06:15] Bella: Yeah it's really important, physical therapy that's great. I'm glad it helped you. And I know a lot of people have done physical therapy. For me, the first time I experienced physical therapy was when I broke my foot as a kid, and that's where I learned that you actually have to do the exercises when you're not there. I think I remember it was like, oh yeah, when I started doing therapy for my head, I was like, remember, you have to do more than just like the once a week of showing up for your therapy appointment.
[00:06:41] Jennifer: That's the hard part.
Bella explains the importance of keeping up with therapy at home
[00:06:43] Bella: It's like, well I did therapy this week, but you did it once. Like, you have to try to at least do, they always give you like homework, for things to do at home. So, if I'm getting myself on about those things, it's really tough, but it is really important.
And then you can actually, hopefully see progress week to week. So I really like the aspect that you said you love yoga. I also love yoga. We actually have a yoga class on Concussion Connect now for, survivors and members just to join. It's kinda like a gentle, like you said, restorative yoga so you can get moving in a way that like is low risk, right?
[00:07:17] Jennifer: There's like a wide range of things you can do, but that's what's exciting to me because, you know, we have good and bad days, so I can always add more if I'm feeling good or do less but like you said, like just getting in the habit of doing it is really what makes the difference. When you find something that makes you feel better, you just wanna keep doing it.
[00:07:38] Bella: Also very true. It's hard to find things. I think, to find that really give you like, that, like relief of feeling like, I don't know if normal's the right word, but it makes you feel more like yourself. So you've done physical therapy, did you try anything else that you didn't find really work for you? Or was it that was really just your go-to and it worked?
[00:08:03] Jennifer: I mean, a lot of different things. I mean, I was on some medications for my headaches and those just didn't really seem to help. but honestly, a lot of things that I've tried have been beneficial. So I don't have a lot of things that didn't help. So I like to say like, it's good to be open. You might be surprised what helps and what doesn't. .
[00:08:26] Bella: Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for someone else and sometimes people need ideas. So you said physical therapy, medications weren't for you, which is seems to be pretty frequent across the concussion board.
There's the odd person that says like, this medication kind of helped me and changed my life. But there's a lot of people that aren't like that. So is there anything else that did help then other than the physical therapy since the meds did not?
Jennifer shares some useful tips!
[00:08:52] Jennifer: Yes well, I've learned, like if I'm going out and I'm gonna be outside or in a place with a lot of lighting I just have a cap with me. I wear caps all the time. And even though it's so simple, it, it really helps just kind of cut down on all the overwhelming things that are going on. And also there's, some medicated oils that I have used that I learned from through my acupuncturist and one is called Woodlock medicated oil, and it's kind of like biofreeze or something like just a muscle rub. But I have actually found if I have a headache or a lot of neck pain. I can just put that on and sometimes it'll even get rid of my headache without me having to take anything. So that's like a really good product and you can find it on Amazon it's one of my favorites, I use it constantly.
[00:09:47] Bella: Yeah, that's great. I think it's so important cuz trying to find things that help is so tough. That's why I find on Concussion Connect, people are always recommending from regular products that you could use in everyday life to try this therapy, try that therapy, see this kind of specialist, see that one because when you look into it and you have no idea, like you said, you didn't even know a concussion could do this.
It's like you're starting blind you know, you're kind of like, where do I start? Where do I go? Especially in the beginning, it's like you're lost. And you know, a lot of time we go to our general practitioner, but that's usually not enough. You need like real specialists who understand how concussions work and then how to get better but a lot of time for the first, like three to six months or year, we don't find that because we just don't know where to look. So I think it's really important to share those things. And one thing I really wanna talk about today is mental health, but we are gonna take a quick break before we get into that.
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[00:11:52] Bella: Welcome back to the Post-Concussion podcast with my myself, Bella Paige and today's guest, Jennifer Margell.
Bella & Jennifer discuss mental health and it's connection with concussions
[00:12:01] Bella: So something I kind of mentioned before was mental health, and as everyone that knows who listens to the show, mental health is my favorite topic that I can talk about, and that is because I find you can't get away with it not affecting you after a concussion as either a caregiver or as a survivor yourself, because it's just so much of your life's affected, like you said, trying to find yourself.
So, do you wanna talk us to us a little bit about how your mental health was affected after your concussion?
[00:12:32] Jennifer: Yeah, so I've struggled a lot with my mental health after the concussion. I have struggled with trauma in particular, surrounding the accident. And I have also developed, non-epileptic seizures, which, you know, they're different from epilepsy because they stem from psychological reasons.
And a lot of times people with P T S D will have these types of episodes. Just kind of waking up and having seizures all of a sudden was just so much to deal with, let alone just coming out of the concussion and all that. It was, it was a lot to take on. I started just, researching about, you know, how to help mental health and how to help P T S D in particular because that's something new that I have never dealt with until now.
And so I started learning about mindfulness and grounding techniques in particular, cuz oftentimes, even now, I'll have issues in the car. I'll be like looking behind me, making sure nobody's there, you know? I struggle with it. And so learning the grounding techniques has really helped me and it's just to remind you that you're in the present moment.
You're not there, you know, even if you feel threatened, even if you feel scared, it's just reminding yourself that you're here. And mindfulness has been a great tool as far as even just getting sleep because I've struggled with insomnia and things like that. I can do a, a nightly meditation and it kind of gets me in a better place, my mind in a better place so then I can get a good night's sleep. and those are tools that I've just adopted now. They've become part of my routine, and they help me a lot.
[00:14:29] Bella: Yeah, I think it's so important that you did find things that help, and mindfulness is a really big one, plus those grounding techniques.
Jennifer explains her favourite ground technique
[00:14:38] Bella: Could you share like an example or two of what type of grounding techniques you like using? Cuz there is so many.
[00:14:46] Jennifer: Sure. I mean, I use a pretty simple approach. I'll just kind of look around me and I'll say, well there's a tree and then I'll start looking at the leaves, what are the leaves doing? They're blowing, oh, there's this sky.
I just sort of orient myself to my surroundings. and that's, that's a pretty basic grounding technique, but it works pretty well, honestly.
[00:15:11] Bella: Yeah, it actually sounds a lot like the one I like, but I pick one object and then take it from like basics to like the most fine details. Cuz it kind of helps me, like you said, like you're right here and you're okay. You're not anywhere else, it's actually not that bad right now. Like you're doing okay. And all these thoughts can like calm down and go away. So I do find it's really helpful and for mindfulness you said meditation. How did you start meditation? I find a lot of people, you know, we want to do meditation. For myself, took me forever. Honestly. Like I can say there was years where I'd be like, you should meditate. And I'd sit there and then I'd sit there and then I'd sit there and I'd lay there and nothing would change. And I couldn't figure out the breathing part. I couldn't stay on track like five minutes later I'd be thinking about my grocery list.
Jennifer explains how meditation has helped her
[00:16:04] Bella: So how did you start meditation and what helped you, get into it?
[00:16:08] Jennifer: I started, I actually took a mindfulness course, I took that course and which really helped. It told me that, if you have a thought while you're meditating, kind of think of it as like, a boat that's like passing by on a river, it's just a passing thought and just because your mind is going elsewhere does not mean you're not meditating correctly. And that's has really helped me because our minds, they do wander that's what they do and instead of just kind of making a big deal, like, oh no, I'm not focused. Oh no. You know, you just kind of let it pass and then, get back to the meditation and just kind of that alone has helped me be able to meditate. And I also really like guided meditations and body scan meditations.
it's just helpful to have a guide and have a voice there to keep you in that moment. So both of those things have really, helped me as far as meditation, and through taking that course, I learned more about mindfulness and how you can practice mindfulness when you're not meditating, just when you're washing dishes, when you're brushing your teeth, you can practice mindfulness anywhere.
[00:17:24] Bella: Yeah, I think that's great. It's wonderful that you took a course because we hear like mindfulness is like a buzzword now. You know, you hear it everywhere, but what does it mean? Like, how do you do it? You see like the photo where it's like mindfulness versus mindful and like the mindfulness is like them walking and you can see the trees and the road, and then the mind full is like, you know, all the thoughts in your brain, kind of all over the page and, but trying to get from one to the other isn't that simple and I think it's great that you took a course. It's a great way to kind of find those types of things in yourself. Like I said, that's why, we've been adding courses to Concussion Connect, cuz sometimes you need like that extra like, okay, that's great that I need to do this, but how do I do it?
I also love the guided meditations and things like that. Like Headspace, for example, is my favorite app cuz I love all the like people and it's super friendly, it's super easy to use it does have a monthly charge, but it's pretty low for what you get.
There's so much in it. It's actually overwhelming. I haven't even gotten through probably half the app.
Jennifer shares about her support team
[00:18:31] Bella: So definitely something we're checking out and how have been your relationships and things, you said your husband, how has that all been since your concussion, since it's changed so much of your life?
[00:18:44] Jennifer: My relationship, so my husband has been very good through all this.
He's very supportive and he honestly just jumped in and did what he needed to do to take care of me, especially when I was very bad. It meant a lot to have that support. About a year before my concussion, my husband and I actually moved away from all of our families, so,
[00:19:10] Bella: Oh, wow.
[00:19:11] Jennifer: Yeah, so this happened and it was just us. That was a challenge. But I do have a really supportive family even though they're not close by. So I'm very, very lucky in that regard. For sure. but I don't go out. Like I used to, and I don't get to socialize in the ways that I did before.
So in that regard, some of my friendships and things, you know, I'm still friends with my friends, but we don't get to see each other as much as I would like.
Bella explains the challenge of explaining your symptoms to others
[00:19:43] Bella: Yeah, that's great about your husband and your supportive family, even though you did perfect timing of moving away. yeah, but the friendship thing is a really hard thing and I like talking about it cuz I think a lot of people don't always know what to do about it.
Sometimes their friends understand, sometimes they don't. Sometimes explaining what you're going through is really hard to be like, no, I'm still not okay. And you're not, okay. Wasn't that a year ago or six months or a few years ago? So then you're like, yeah, I know. Like I know it was a while ago, but I'm still not me yet.
I'm still not okay, but I don't know how to explain to you that I'm not okay. Especially when you don't look it right? Like that big factor of this is that it is invisible. So when they see you, you don't look a crazy ton different than you did before.
[00:20:31] Jennifer: It's very true. And yeah, I mean, I've had some people in my life be surprised, that I'm still struggling. But I could understand why they don't understand, because it's a difficult thing and it's very, you know, head injuries. There is no one like the other. So I'd understand why it would be difficult, but I do also look for compassion and understanding from people. It's just important to, even if you don't understand something, I think you can still be compassionate towards somebody.
[00:21:05] Bella: That's a really good point cuz. Like I used to wish I explained it better when I was younger, but at the same time I didn't understand it myself. Like I didn't know what was going on, so how was I gonna explain it to someone else about what was going on if I didn't get it myself?
So that didn't mean that people couldn't have been compassionate. And I do like that thought because it's really true, there's no reason. Just because they don't really get it doesn't mean they can't try to or at least, like you said, be nice about it. Exactly. But that's not always how society works, but that's definitely how we want it to work.
Jennifer shares her final words
[00:21:39] Bella: And so, is there anything else you would like to add before we end today's episode?
[00:21:45] Jennifer: Yeah, I would just like to add, that things can get better. For me, it's been a very slow progression, but I have always been progressing and getting better, even though it has been slow. And I think for me personally, the patience has been the hardest part. And so anyone out there that's struggling, I would just say be patient and be open to trying things, , and still try to find things you enjoy, even if certain things aren't available to you like they were before.
[00:22:18] Bella: Yeah, that's some great advice. And like you said, you can find things you enjoy even if they're new things. And I always like to say, trying new things can be a hobby too if you can't do your old hobbies and try to fill up some of your time that way. And so I just wanted to thank you so much for joining us today and sharing some of your life post-concussion.
[00:22:37] Jennifer: Well, thank you for having me. I'm glad to be here. I'm a big fan.
Need more than just this podcast. Be sure to check out our website, post-concussion inc.com to see how we can help you in your post-concussion life. From a support network to one-on-one coaching, I believe life can get better because I've lived through it. Make sure you take it one day at a time.
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