Facing the Challenges of Post Concussion Syndrome with Kelsey O’Connor
Show Notes:
When faced with the invisible challenge of post concussion syndrome, how can an athlete navigate and overcome the physical and emotional turmoil of this injury?
Today, we're joined by Kelsey O'Connor, a former D1 student athlete who has bravely battled multiple brain injuries and post concussion syndrome. Kelsey shares her inspiring journey, including the difficult decision to medically retire from her sport and the adjustments she made in order to prioritize her health.
Kelsey opens up about the struggles she experienced, such as sensitivity to light and noise, irritability, vision problems, nausea, pain, cognitive confusion, and emotional instability. She also shares her experiences of navigating college life with a concussion and the importance of finding support from professors, friends, and family. Kelsey's resilience and determination ultimately led her to regain her speaking abilities and find new purpose in her life.
Key Points From This Episode:
0:03 Navigating Life With Post Concussion Syndrome
7:44 Retiring From Sports and Prioritizing Health
14:22 Navigating College With a Concussion
27:14 Concussion Recovery and Finding Support
Watch Kelsey's Speech: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpMSa8vg-6I
Get in touch with Kelsey: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelsey-o-connor-623086248/
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Bella: Hi everyone. I'm your host, bella Page, and after suffering from post concussion syndrome for years, it was time to do something about it. So welcome to the post concussion podcast, where we dig deep into life when it doesn't go back to normal. Be sure to share the podcast and join our support network, concussion Connect. Let's make this invisible injury become visible.
The post concussion podcast is strictly an information podcast about concussions and post concussion syndrome. It does not provide nor substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. The opinions expressed in this podcast are simply intended to spark discussion about concussions and post concussion syndrome.
Welcome to today's episode number 101 of the post concussion podcast with myself Bella Paige and today's guest, kelsey O'Connor. Kelsey is a former D1 student athlete at North Carolina State University, after suffering multiple brain injuries and a career end in concussion her junior year of college, kelsey shares her experience as an athlete, the emotional and physical effects of suffering multiple concussions, medical retirement and how to navigate an invisible injury when the people around you don't fully understand. Kelsey recently graduated with a degree in social work and psychology and plans to work as a sports psychologist helping other athletes to transition out of sport so they can thrive in life after athletics. Welcome to the show, kelsey. Thank you for having me. I'm happy to be here. So, to start, do you want to tell me a little bit about your concussion experience, and we'll go from there?
Kelsey: Yes, so I have had a couple concussions. I guess I'll just tell you kind of a little bit how I got them When I was a sophomore in high school. I've played softball all my life and so my first concussion I was playing outfield and I dove for a ball and kind of suffered some whiplash from that and then shortly after I was hit in the head with a helmet. So that was kind of like the first time that I experienced like back to back concussions. My senior year of high school I was also playing softball and I was running to first base and was closed line. So like the first baseman stuck her arm out and so I ran into her and then like landed face first on the ground.
By the time that I got to college my most severe concussion was in college. I was a junior on the softball team and I was running to second base and essentially when short stops are turning a double play they're supposed to like pick a side of the baseline and our shortstop didn't really do that. So I was sliding into second base and kind of all of her momentum was coming forward towards me So as I was sliding down her like whole body and knee first kind of right into my face And so that's kind of how a lot of those concussions happens and kind of like the first one, not that long after that one, i was in a really horrible car accident that happened so soon after that really severe one that it impacted the healing of the first one and all of that. So definitely a mouthful already of the concussions. But yeah, that's my experience.
Bella: I get that. Thank you for sharing. It is really hard for me. My concussions it's actually I can I actually not explain all of them? I think I have a list in my phone So when people ask I can go through them, but I've had so many that it gets really tough to actually okay. Okay, so this is how I got this one, this is how I got that one, and the list goes on. But thank you for sharing. Do you wanna talk a little bit about the symptoms you experienced after those concussions?
Kelsey: Yeah, yeah. So after my ones in high school, it was kind of all of the main ones that you would see. So those first two back to back, it was sensitivity to light, sensitivity to noise, irritability. I was having some vision problems, so seeing double from 20 centimeters away or whatever that was, depth perception, was out the window. So coming back into sport, the vision was all messed up, nausea, that kind of stuff and then, honestly, just pain.
So the first one being whiplash, they ended up diagnosing me with occipital neuralgia, which is just some nerve damage in your neck, and so, really, just as someone who's had multiple concussions, there's so many ways that the pain can come out Like.
I had migraines for a year and sometimes it was shooting and sometimes it was nerve pain right at the base of my skull, where your neck meets your head, and so shooting pain, driving pain, firing pain, all that. My concussion in college was a whole different ball game, though. It was all of those physical symptoms plus cognitive symptoms, and I had my one in college. There was a two or three month period where I was struggling to speak without stuttering and I would pause a lot, and that was the scariest just utter confusion When I was speaking, just fog, emotional outbursts. I would like I'm not an angry person, i don't think I'm an angry person, but I would scream at my family and then I would cry about it and then I would forget what I even said. Just a whole range of cognitive stuff that I had never even experienced before.
Bella: Emotional instability, like when you explain the lash outs and things like that. It's something that a lot of survivors deal with. I dealt with it for a while and I would just yell. You know what hurts people. You always know what to say and I would just, i think a lot of the time, like you said, like the pain was so significant that I just didn't really think right. It was kind of what would consume a lot of my thoughts. It was all I could think about and I had a hard time doing a lot of things because of the pain for me. And so you were in college for that one.
Do you want to talk a little bit about what made you take a step back from sports? As I know it's a very difficult decision for a lot of people to make.
Kelsey: Yeah, no, of course, when just to touch on what you just said too, like I think there's so much guilt that comes with those emotional outbursts and personality things, and like I would always say like I felt, like I was safe, like it was an out of body experience to be so emotionally different, and I think that that played a lot into my decision to leave sports. I was kind of influenced by multiple things, just because essentially there were also other issues.
So being on the softball team, there were kind of issues already just within our program, and so a little bit prior to that injury, i had gone to our athletic administration with like a psychologist and our trainer and basically addressed some issues that were happening in the program, which is a whole different story, but kind of leading up to that injury, there was some tension there And so it was kind of a case where the day at practice that I was injured, like half of us were base running and essentially they started substituting almost every single player out but me, and so I continued to run and then I got injured, hit in the face, and as I was leaving one of my coaches was just like good job, move on.
And like the very next morning called into the office and essentially the injury overall just wasn't handled with kindness and I ended up getting kind of cussed out by teammates And there wasn't a lot of support, in my opinion, from staff and from what I thought was my family in that program, and so really it just kind of ended up being deemed that I was faking the severity of the injury and being selfish and traumatic And so I tried to explain some of those things just cause like there was jaw surgery on the table And so that kind of treatment ended up really like taking a toll as I was recovering And so kind of that decision I ended up having to medically retire anyways because of the symptoms, and the decision at first didn't even really feel like mine.
It was almost kind of like how am I gonna decide between continuing my softball dream and then living a long healthy life?
Like at the end of the day it was like there's no way that I could go back out on the field and jeopardize my brain anymore. It's just no question, it can't be, cause I was a different person and I was struggling in school now and I was treating my family different and my emotions were different, and so already it was just a scary reality of am I gonna heal And if I put my brain in jeopardy like, could it be worse? And so initially that decision was just it was crushing, it was so crushing, it was the most crushing decision I've ever made, just because of all those factors. But now, being a year out from it, it was also it was empowering at the time to kind of leave that situation in general and like just treat my brain with kindness and kind of step away from all those other stressors while I was healing, but also the strongest decision that I could make to prioritize my brain health and my relationships and how much the concussion was impacting my entire life outside of sport.
Bella: It is amazing how much they really do impact, like all of you you know, like from one side of you to the next. And so you mentioned guilt actually at the beginning, and guilt is something I actually just released a help series video we have on concussion connect, released them like every Friday on guilt, because guilt is something a lot of survivors deal with, and in that video I talked about like managing guilt, kind of why we feel guilt and what to do about it, because it is something that we experienced in so many different walks of life, with relationships, with our friendships in school, with ourselves, maybe, things that we expected ourselves to be able to do and then no longer be able to do. So that's really important.
You know, team sports is something I never really did, except for when I was really young, and so when I retired, it was all about me. There was no oh, you're faking it. There was no, the pressure was all on myself. But I know in team sports it gets really difficult because you know people look at you and they're like, oh, like, aren't you gonna? like this is a team sport, like why aren't you participating or why are you complaining or why aren't you back? Like those things start to occur where that's not something I had to deal with because luckily with individual sports that part you get to skip.
But it is really hard to make the decision and that health versus sport is a huge decision to make. I find I really struggle. I still struggle with that. Actually, i decided to retire from show jumping, but Now I'm doing another adrenaline junkie, which is super dangerous. But I had to decide that for myself, and that was at the point where a lot of all of my symptoms, other than the permanent ones that are sticking around, that aren't really they are related to my concussions. But that's a very complicated conversation. I've decided that you have to pick and choose what you do And at some point though sometimes you do have to take a break.
I think taking a break is really healthy. Who knows if that your break is five years, 10 years or maybe a year or two, and then you start in something else. There's lots of safe sports. I wouldn't say there's never a chance of you getting a concussion, because we have survivors that come on here that got their concussions. Walking into a door frame, getting hit with beer can, flying across a room doors, car accidents You can get one anywhere, but really choosing to put yourself at risk is definitely up to you, and now we are going to take a very quick break, but when we get back we're going to talk about going to school and then some of the emotions you can feel after your concussion.
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Bella: Welcome back to the Post-Concussion Podcast with my self fellow page and today's guest, kelsey O'Connor. Something we were talking about on the break is actually when you retired from a sport is how much time you have on your hands. If you have ever been someone in a competitive sport, you realize that your life is so dedicated to something else. Even if you are in school, you have a job or you have a family, when you're in a sport it takes up a lot of your time.
So something Kelsey did as well as I have done in the past is explore different sports or try to figure out what to do at that time. So what did you do after that, kelsey? Therapy is sometimes things people get into, but you need something fun in your life too.
Kelsey: No for sure. Like we were just talking about, i did a lot of trial and error with yoga and I tried running but that gave me headaches. So, trying to find my limits, i ended up really loving cycling. I tried to take, because I was still in school, some of the free fitness classes. Once it was like probably like nine or 10 months out from the concussion I like focused on the therapy, physical therapy, whatever. But then I really just started trying every single other group fitness class because I also realized how much I just didn't like working out by myself anymore And I really just wanted to work out with other people. So, yeah, i tried to do yoga and cycling and some other outdoor activities, i guess, but kind of like you, just trial and error of some different things.
Bella: Yeah, And it's a really good mindset to have that. You know, okay, I had to take a step away from you know something that you really love, but maybe there's something else that I can find love with. I'm not telling you you're going to find something that gives you that same obsession of love that you had in the past for a sport, but you can definitely find something where you have passion for it, where you know it gives you something else to think about, It gives you something to work towards, which is really nice. \
I love to have goals that aren't related to work, regular life or therapy. It's really nice to have like sport type goals if you are an active person, Even if it's like how far you walk or how big of a hike you do, it doesn't have to be something crazy, because I think goals are really important to have with other things, because therapy goals with concussion recovery is really tough because there is no.
It's a lot easier to have a physical goal with you know sports and timeline than one with therapy and concussions. So I did want to talk about school today because you've gone through school while this has all happened. So do you want to talk a little bit about your school experience, because I know a lot of people are going through this while they're in school. Yeah, absolutely.
Kelsey: So especially kind of focusing on the concussion happening like peak of college, that very initial time. So my concussion happened in October and so kind of even just from October to December that that fall semester I was really struggling to turn things in because I was attending appointments. I was struggling to read. There's so much reading. I'm a social work major and psychology minor, so it's like a lot of papers, a lot of reading and writing, and so like reading the same line over and over again, and so that was really tough. And then leaving leading into the spring, even, like I said, with some of those speech issues, bumps, whatever I would be like presenting, and then like stop mid sentence and like forget that I was even saying anything or like have nothing, that's like going through my head anymore to even say. And so it was so difficult because I kept like I felt like I was crazy, like I felt like I was stupid, i felt like I couldn't do it anymore. My grades kind of just tanked for a little bit.
I think being a humanities major, though, and being in social work in a field that like is preparing mental health professionals, was such a game changer because all I had to do was talk to my professors about it And they were some of the most compassionate, patient people ever And so when I told them what was going on, like they were so kind and so patient and like worked with me on it, and so I felt so supported. And I think if I didn't have that kind of reaction or support from my professors and like academic staff, it would have been completely different, because it was already just challenging in itself, but they were just so wonderful about it.
I think it was just hard anyways, because even weeks would go by and you don't tell your professors everything, and so I would still be embarrassed about messing up speech and like not knowing what to write and messing up my spelling and sentences and just like random things. That I was like I should know that This is crazy, this isn't me And I really needed just help. I got academic support from my family And, yeah, i just needed help through those two semesters because it was so hard.
I was scared that I would never recover the same. I was like there's no way I'm going to finish college, like I can't even read and write in the amount of time You're helping me now, but if I don't recover, like it's not happening. But that wasn't the case at all. It was again just like that blurry zoned in like brick wall. That happens when you have a concussion and you can't see past it And you're like what if I never get better? And I did, and now I'm graduating and I'm actually I'm speaking at our like large commencement, like next week, and so it's been such a 180 of like not being able to speak in front of like five people to speaking in front of thousands. So I guess I also just want people to have hope, because most of the time I'm like it was so hard, it was impossible, but it did get better, if that makes sense.
Bella: Yeah, for sure. Did you ever get official accommodations done while you were in school?
Kelsey: Yes, so I have extended time accommodations which were so helpful for me Just as far as being able to process like I just really that extra time was really helpful And I had reduced distraction space. So both of those I officially got from the resource office, the disability resource office, and so those were, those were also super helpful as far as being able to succeed.
Bella: And, like you said, it's really hard when you have a school that isn't as supportive. I definitely find college, university level, are actually better than high schools to go through this, because I find they have so many students that you're not usually like the only person they've had that's ever experienced this. So there's like a higher chance that you're not the first person coming up to them with like an invisible illness and or disability at the time. That, like a lot of the time it's hard about concussions is, you can't always say it's permanent, because it is something that's not supposed to be permanent. You know we want this to get better here in therapy. So getting accommodations, i used to get new ones every year And for me, going through school and not being able to read was really tough.
I remember I went to school and they'd be like, oh, read all these chapters. And I was like they like who did the readings? And one of my friends would always look at me. She's like Do you ever do the readings? And I was like No, i was like I don't think I read anything once.
I read things for tests, i read things for the assignment, as I did it, but I just couldn't. I didn't have the capacity to do it. I was in so much pain all the time with headaches, and mine was over four years of pain.
So there was a very long time to not be able to read, or a lot of time I'd read something and, like you said, read it at the same sentence over and over again, because your brain's not recognizing what you're even reading. It can get better. Having accommodations is definitely worth it. I remember I would go study with friends and then we go to a different place to write a test, because my midterm would be in, like you said, the reduced distraction area and they would be with everyone else. But that made a really big difference for me because being able to write without that person tapping a pencil or everyone's papers flipping all the time really helped me so that I could focus. Because I remember once I was even in a room I think that here's a heater in there that was loud and I still had to move again. It's the smallest thing sometimes.
Kelsey: Ya, No for sure.
Bella: So thank you for sharing. I'm so glad that things have turned around so much for you. That's wonderful that you're doing a big presentation And you mentioned that can't see forward emotion and feeling. Do you want to talk a little bit about how that was for you while you were going through all this?
Kelsey: Yeah, yeah for sure. Honestly, it just kind of feels like this fog or this brick wall is up, and what got me through that last really severe concussion, when softball ended and I was just trying to get through school, was just like trying so hard to let time do its job and just heal. Like just heal because I couldn't see past anything. I was like so stuck in how much pain I was in. It was like my brain was like a puzzle and was like jumbled up and like so many pieces were missing And so like not being able to see past the fact that you don't know when you're going to heal because concussions are so all over the place.
I think that really contributes to that feeling because, especially having multiple, you kind of get to a point where you're like did I just reach my max? Like did I reach one where there's no going back, where I'm not going to recover from these symptoms, and you just start to kind of like lose hope in your ability. At least I did. I started to really lose hope in if I was ever going to be the same person or if I was ever going to have the same emotional capacity or just anything like just being able to see my future where I wasn't injured was really hard, because all I could see was like this very broken version of myself and I was so present in my pain that I couldn't see anything that was going to get better forward.
And I think that's what's so hard, i think concussions and brain injuries in general. I think I would love to learn more about what that is and why that happens and why I can get so just dark during those recovery times.
Bella: That is really challenging and that fear is really tough because we don't get. You know, there's the odd therapy that they're like oh, in a few months you might notice getting better or you will feel better, but there's no, you will be better. There's the odd you know specialist that you'll see and they're like I can help you and that's great. But it's not very often that you get I can make you like you used to be. You don't get that a lot of the time from therapists because it's a very big, very big promise from any doctors and I don't believe doctors should be making that promise just because they don't know your history.
A lot of the time concussions, a lot of things from the past tend to come up because your whole body is kind of flared up. A lot of your nervous systems are kind of overreacting to things. So maybe old anxiety, old depression, old trauma tends to come up after concussions. So it's really important to realize that. You know we don't know when it's going to get better, but we do know that it will get better. Sometimes we don't know what that better is.
For me it was a very complicated situation. I've had over 10 concussions. They were very severe. I was in the hospital in and out for two years. I couldn't walk, i couldn't function And I could kind of talk, and then there was times where, like, i couldn't even think of words and I couldn't remember a lot of things that were around me. And so you know, these challenges are so different for everyone. Some people, you know, it is a very life changing thing, even if it is only for a few months, because it does mean a lot. It's a lot to go through where, for me, i do have permanent illnesses from my concussion which are something that are very new to actually be diagnosed with.
But at the same time, sometimes it's okay to know those things because then you can get help. And I'm not saying that happens to everyone. Most of the time it does not. I'm very rare had too many. I don't know if that's the answer, but you know that's where a lot of people get.
Like, what is the number? You ask a lot of healthcare professionals, they don't know. You talk to one neurologist, it'll be three. You talk to the next, they say one. It really depends on who you talk to And that's where it gets kind of scary to go through this And it is your brain And, like you said, knowing more about it can really help you.
It's something that helped me going to learn about neuroscience and understanding why this is happening, why they don't know what to do about it. Those types of things really helped me because I felt really like, really like why, why, why, like I had so many questions And so getting some of the science background can really help.
We do have tons of podcast episodes with guests who have talked about a lot of that, but it is something you have to take time to do yourself because you know doctors appointments sometimes are 10 minutes long. You're not going to learn that much. You do have to do the research yourself, or at least do your best to do that, and so you have shared a lot so far, from symptoms to retiring from a sport, to emotions and school. Do you want to talk and share anything else before we end today's episode? I guess?
Kelsey: I also just want to like thank you and also say I think it can be so hard talking about concussions and also just talking about the recovery of them, because it's just hard and it's just such a confusing path for each person, and so I think even the fact that you're bringing guests on to just talk about it, i think it's great just to be able to talk through it, and I would say for anybody that's experiencing a concussion, like the best thing to do is to have to seek out a community of people for support and also just protect your brain and nurture it and love it. And so long I was like at odds with it and I was like mad at it for like wronging me, i guess Totally So like, yeah, exactly Once I started to like try to protect it and that sounds cheesy, but like so true I felt like I could, i could heal. I really just want to say thank you for having me and I think your recovery inspires me and I just appreciate you making the time for me.
Bella: Yeah well, thank you so much. And yes, finding a support community is great. That's why we have Concussion Connect, because it's a support community full of other concussion survivors, which can be a great solution. But I do want to thank you so much for coming on today and sharing some of your life post concussion. Thank you so much.
Need more than just this podcast. Be sure to check out our website, postconcussioninccom to see how we can help you in your post concussion life, from a support network to one-on-one coaching. I believe life can get better because I've lived through it. Make sure you take it one day at a time.
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