From Darkness to Light with Michael Lashomb
Trigger Warning: Mention of Suicidal Thoughts
Show Notes:
Ever thought how a traumatic experience, like a severe concussion, can alter someone's life path completely? We explore this notion through the captivating story of our guest, Michael Lashomb - a musician and concussion survivor. This episode peels back the layers of his experience, offering a profound insight into the medical landscape of 2001 when he was initially diagnosed, as well as the advancements in understanding and treating concussion since then.
The invisible impact of a concussion is often underestimated, affecting not just the physical but also the mental and emotional aspects of a person's life. Listen closely as Michael reveals the challenges he faced post-concussion. We delve into his struggle with depression, the lack of access to crucial therapies, and how he had to reframe his reality around his condition.
In a surprising twist, the conversation takes a spiritual turn, unearthing a powerful transformation in Michael, brought on by his concussion. From grappling with darkness to discovering inner peace through mindfulness, meditation and music, Michael's journey is nothing short of inspiring. We conclude this episode reflecting on how brain injuries can lead to personal growth, even through the darkest of times.
Tune in to this riveting edition of The Post Concussion Podcast and witness first-hand how invisible injuries can significantly shape lives.
Find Michael's Music: https://www.annieinthewater.com/
Join Concussion Connect
Concussion Connect is a great place to feel less alone. I'm so happy to feel like I don't get judged for my situation, I can ask questions, give my opinion, and be honest without being stressed that someone will tell me I'm wrong or making it up. Thank you so much Bella, I love it here! - Member
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Bella Paige
Host
00:03
Hi everyone. I'm your host, Bella Paige, and after suffering from post concussion syndrome for years, it was time to do something about it. So welcome to the post concussion podcast, where we dig deep into life when it doesn't go back to normal. Be sure to share the podcast and join our support network, Concussion Connect. Let's make this invisible injury become visible.
00:29
The Post Concussion Podcast is strictly an information podcast about concussions and post concussion syndrome. It does not provide nor substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. The opinions expressed in this podcast are simply intended to spark discussion about concussions and post concussion syndrome.
01:06
Do you feel constantly overwhelmed by your concussion symptoms and life changes? This is where Wombat. Wombat can help you A new breathwork and somatic therapy app powered by neuroscience. Let's slow down those racing thoughts and give ourselves the ability to breathe. Wombat is designed with an understanding of the impact of trauma on individuals, ensuring a safe and supportive environment for users dealing with stress, anxiety or post traumatic experiences. Go to their website today at hellowombatcom. Welcome to episode number 114 of the Post Concussion Podcast with myself, Bella PaIge and today's guest, Michael Lashomb. Michael is a touring musician in the Americana Jam Band Annie in the Water. He is also a practicing astrologer and avid snowboarder. When he's not traveling or touring, he spends his time working with astrology clients or getting lost in the woods. Welcome to the show, Michael.
Michael Lashomb
Guest
02:04
Yeah, it's great to be here. I appreciate you having me on.
Bella Paige
Host
02:07
So, to start, do you want to tell us a little bit about your concussion experience?
Michael Lashomb
Guest
02:11
Yeah, so my concussion experience was one initial concussion. What's actually interesting is it started when I was very, very young, with less information, and then the big kind of impacting concussion happened when I was about 15. But when I was a child actually when I was about a year old and some change I had fallen down a flight of stairs in the basement and I was having concussion symptoms, head injury symptoms, but I was only a child and my mother didn't really know what to do and they actually assumed that she had actually hurt me and so it was kind of this whole interesting kind of traumatic situation that got iced out. But luckily I healed from that and years, years later I had my first concussion that was diagnosed and that also was recognized as a very large medical issue. Since it was, I was having severe symptoms. I was unable to go to school, I was unable to compete in sports, I was messing with my appetite, it was my ability to see, so I was having a visual field complications. So it happened when I was 15 and I was in high school playing at a lacrosse tournament and I was going in for a shot. It was a fairly aggressive player, so I was going to make the shots that anyway could, without seeing what was happening around me. And the impact happened.
03:38
And you know, instant it happened it changed my life. You know, it was the way that I explain it. That was so kind of interesting for me was I had a life that I had known. You know, I had kind of a trajectory and a train track that I had been on that I knew I could recognize myself of who I was and I was Michael and I was an athlete and I was a kid and I was just having fun. And when that happened it really changed the trajectory of my entire consciousness and my ability to recognize myself as who I was. So that first concussion was very profound, in that I had an awareness of who I was and then suddenly that all completely changed and I had to kind of reformat who I was but also recognize that I was going to be living life in a different way. So that was, that was the first experience, and that was around 2000 and that would have been about 2001.
Bella Paige
Host
04:34
Yeah, it's changed a lot since 2001. It's interesting that you mentioned the one year old story, because it's actually something I've never shared on the podcast and I'm at over 100 episodes.
Michael Lashomb
Guest
04:49
Really.
Bella Paige
Host
04:49
But when I was one, I flew down the stairs and I was actually unconscious and was turning blue and my parents raised me to the hospital. So it's just kind of interesting. I've never shared that, I have thought about it and I've mentioned it to doctors on if it ever, like, affected me like now.
Michael Lashomb
Guest
05:11
Yeah, totally.
Bella Paige
Host
05:12
Yeah, I've never shared that one, that's so interesting.
Michael Lashomb
Guest
05:15
So I know, yeah, I know that when we kind of had a conversation before the podcast, you know you had also had your injury when you were 15. And then we didn't even talk about that either and I didn't talk about it at all either. But you were like first impact and I was like wait, my mom told me that story and I was like I actually, when I was very young, you know, had a very intense head injury. I knew I was 15. Luckily I had a really amazing doctor, that's Dr Rieger. I'm infinitely grateful for him. He really helped me get through a lot.
05:46
But you know, besides him he was, he was helping me with kind of rehabilitation side of it. But as for other doctors that were working with me when I was in high school and then when I continued to play in college, it was just becoming like a push button kind of situation. But there was still minimal understanding of rehabilitation, of how to diagnose them and the protocol. You know the protocol was hardly ever there as well either. So it's drastically different as to how, medically, a concussion or a head injury was seen back in 2001. As compared to now which is great, you know, there's so many more resources, which is fantastic, and there's a lot of strides that are being made that I'm really excited about Like, for example, you know how I kind of got connected with you and my experience having worked with the same foundation.
06:36
You know they're focusing on rehabilitation, focusing on raising funds to support rehabilitation and programs, and that's for me, that was the biggest thing, because I didn't have any of those resources. So I think that is really one of the wonderful things about where we're at now is the amount of resource. Just like your podcast, it's an opportunity for people to share stories, but that's important because each individual head injury is so drastically different from the other persons how they cooperated from it, how they recoiled, how they understood who they were and how they took care of themselves, you know. So I think it's really wonderful that you're doing this to shed light and give more resources for people.
Bella Paige
Host
07:17
Yeah, thank you very much. It has changed a lot since 2001. It's changed a lot since I started this about almost 11 years. So for me it was a lot of head injuries and then when I turned 15, it was too many head injuries essentially, and eventually that's when the headaches didn't stop and after I turned 15, they lasted for about seven years. So it was definitely life changing and you talked about that, your life changing and not knowing who you are. That's something that's actually come up for myself lately, which is kind of new for me because I've dealt with it in the past. So to re-deal with it is definitely something that is something that's ongoing. But when it has to do with your health it adds a lot more factors into who you are.
08:05
I always identified myself as someone with sports Like. I always identified myself as someone with one thing, one really strong passion. I was a horse jumper, I was an archer, I was a dirt biker. I like put all these terms so strongly against who I was that I kind of forgot that there was a lot more to me than just those things. But that can be the big challenge with doing sports and things like that, when concussions kind of take over. So you talked about who you were and how it changed. And then you know, recovering. You were recovering in 2001. So 2001,. Concussion, or recovery, was pretty vague. Basically, whoever was helping you was creating it as they were helping you because it's not like there was tons of research studies out there. Considering there's not a ton of research studies out there now compared to other different illnesses. So when you dealt with that, did you deal with, like, the balance of pushing and pulling? You kept playing lacrosse in college so you didn't stop at 15. So how did that go?
Michael Lashomb
Guest
09:10
Yeah, it really ties into a lot of what you had just said is the it's identifying yourself. And I think when you're so young in it was just because of curiosity or essentially something I felt internally and I felt driven by and I think I had also had I'm very driven by visions or dreams that I have that I put in front of myself and you know, I think we're all susceptible to. It really is it's this kind of tribe mentality of being kind of identified as something and being pushed as a certain way. And when I was 15, I just was always in competitive sports. I'd always been a standout player, whatever team I was on, whether it's basketball, football, baseball, lacrosse. When I was 15, I just had so many coaches telling me you know, you're going to go D1, you're going to Division one. Lacrosse is, you know, in college is the highest level. So it's something that I'd always dreamed about participating at the highest level, and I would be dreamed about winning a championship or always dreamed about the big moments. And suddenly I have this head injury which just completely obliterates all the momentum towards that and the ability to even see that vision. And it was really challenging because I had become, you know Mike, this lacrosse player, and it was in a sports player. I'd always been an athlete, I was going to stand out athlete and that became really kind of shattering for me. But because that was in my head and in my psyche so much my subconscious, like this need to perform on a field and be seen with that particular talent, I think it became this driving fuel in my mind to tell myself to keep going so that I wouldn't let the depression overtake me.
11:02
Because when I had my concussion, like I said, I just went home. They were like I will have to sleep at home. But I couldn't handle sunlight, I couldn't handle the sounds, even I couldn't watch tv, like my eyes couldn't do that. So I was in a dark room for months. You know, I just had this overwhelming focus of being like I'm gonna get back, I'm gonna get back on the field, I'm gonna keep playing, I've gotta keep playing. You know, and I don't know how much of that was kind of old subconscious programming of what I needed to do or not, but I I felt that that was the thing to pull me out of depression.
11:38
But during that period I had taught myself how to play guitar, just you know, a couple years before my concussion and I was always really into playing and practicing it whenever I had time, I just. But I always thought it was like a hobby, which is this thing? And when I had my concussion I had been. My mom noticed it more than I did actually, because I was just in a space of going day by day by day. She was the one that was able to kind of like put things in front of me to say, hey, this is where you've been, this is what's been happening with you. She kind of kept time for me, just accounting for what I was doing and how I was day by, day, by day to help me out. So that's where, like, music had started for me. You know, it started as this, this little passion of mine that luckily was, this passion was luckily kind of giving me a different direction.
12:25
So as time went on with lacrosse, I just kept it compound my head injuries compounded more and more and more just from my lifestyle, and I was depressed, I was confused, I was hiding the fact that I was having injuries, I was drinking a lot, I was, I was very sad and using the alcohol to combat my depression while I was in school, and so it was. I was very living this incredibly secretive life of of loneliness and and and despair and depression and symptoms like heavy, heavy symptoms, like being on a field, not knowing anywhere, no depth perception, and being on a field and nauseated and completely fuzzed out. And I did that for years and yeah, it was. It was a really challenging experience, but that's kind of where I was at. It was like this thing to dig me out. It's this thing to hopefully be like the light at the end of the tunnel, which was kind of funny because it was making it worse and it was making my head injuries worse and I was becoming almost more disassociated and and disattached from what was reality.
13:36
And so I just kind of came to the point where I was practicing one day and I couldn't I couldn't catch the ball, I couldn't see where it was, and these were fundamental, easy, standard things that I could do and it just was not clicking and I knew that something was wrong, like like terribly wrong, and I just had this vision.
13:55
I don't know why, but I had this vision of myself like being 40 years old and playing with my children. You know, that was like this crowning image of like what would it be like to be able to play with my kids? And like if I kept going, would I be able to even foster relationship or even take care of children. So it was this kind of flash, you know, and it was more or less like maybe a cue point to take care of myself. So I I stepped away from across and that started the healing process and since then I haven't had any head injuries, luckily, you know, and it was that kind of identification, you know, and that's kind of like you know a lot. That's a real big package to kind of unravel yeah, that's okay.
Bella Paige
Host
14:37
It's great. I really appreciate it for you for sharing all that. It's definitely something to open up about. We talk about mental health a lot here on the podcast and dreams and things like that, and I am going to address it a lot more and then talk about kind of where you're at now, but we're going to take a quick break first.
14:56
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16:04
Welcome back to the Post Concussion Podcast with my self Bella Paige and today's guest, Michael Lashomb. So you mentioned dreams before we took the break and I think that's something that's really important to talk about because it actually came up in Concussion Connect. The other day we had a member having a really hard time deciding what school program to go to, because one was more sports-orientated than before their concussion a big passion and then another program which is a little calmer on their brain, less active, but they were trying to decide between their old dreams and, if they were allowed to have new dreams, what it meant to get rid of a dream or kind of let it go, things like that. And that can be challenging, especially when you're young, when you decide to go to school. A lot of times you're only 16, 17, 18, you're very young trying to decide what you want to do with your life. And you mentioned the depression and the sports and for me, show jumping was kind of my escape from the world of what was actually going on in my life. I was very ill, I couldn't get out of bed. I was super dizzy. I was lucky if I could make it down the stairs most days. But my parents would still let me ride horses. And now, did that help my brain? Definitely not, but I think they didn't know what else to do with me, and neither did my doctors, and that's why a lot of them let me keep riding. Most of them said it was fine because it got me out of the house, it got me active, it got me to do something, because my depression was really severe and I was having a really hard time.
17:38
Some of those therapies that I see people do. I encourage a lot of that stuff. But I know if you went back in time to where I was at, I couldn't have done them. If I stood on one foot, I closed my eyes, I would have fallen over Totally.
17:53
It's not that the therapies weren't important. It's not that the dreams weren't important. It's that sometimes your mind can get in a way that, like this, will solve it, and then you get hooked. That's kind of how I felt about my headaches. As if my headaches went away, my depression might go away and then life would go back to normal. But that wasn't the case. That's not how it worked.
18:12
Depression is an illness. I had to address it like an illness, but I didn't do that for a really long time, you know. You know there's something wrong and you mentioned that like clarity moment. I was just picturing kids and being a parent and I don't know if I had that moment, but I definitely had a moment where I started to realize that what I was doing was making things worse. So I had taken a break from show jumping for a little while and I was doing better and then when I went back, all the headaches came back. The nodule came back, the pain, the depression it was like a wave. I was so happy to be finally being back to being a professional athlete riding 24-7.
18:54
And then, you know, my health tanked when I did that and I was like, okay, all of a sudden it's not worth it, and sometimes we talk about that a lot. You have to choose what's worth it in this, because it's an ongoing thing. You're always battling with your health, so you have to choose what's worth laying in bed for a day, what's not and that's really a personal choice. Of course, medical professionals have their opinions on that as well that you need to take into account. But you stepped away from lacrosse, which I think is a huge thing for anybody to step away from a sport, especially when you are doing very well in a sport, I think that adds to it like Division 1. Definitely adds a lot of pressure to stop and you don't know what to do with your life after that. So how was shifting your focus to something else? You've mentioned guitar, so do you want to talk a little bit about that?
Michael Lashomb
Guest
19:44
Yeah, totally, and I appreciate you sharing that because it is. You know, there are so many similarities and symmetries between your experience with head injuries and mine as well, and there's a couple of different things you said there that I thought were really valid. I think what happened with me is I started writing songs. I started just writing where I was emotionally and writing whatever I could, you know, and then it became poetry, and so the music slowly kind of pulled myself out of it and I started kind of building my own new world, my own new kind of universe, but ironically, I wasn't really sharing it with anybody else.
20:18
Music started kind of taking over and it was something I could do and keep me healthy. It was something that didn't give me symptoms and it was a different outlet. And I feel like that's kind of where we should be putting our energy, just like your podcast, and putting our energy into my music, because we can all collectively build different opportunities and build different environments, build different kind of realities for people, rather than being this well, you got to go back to school, you know. You got to do your thing again. That was not conducive to my ability of functioning, you know. So it's something that we really have to highlight. We have to kind of like take a step back.
20:58
I'm so fortunate where I'm at now, but that's where I think it comes into play is we live in a society that is hyper-focusing on the individual and what the individual presents physically to the world. But I personally believe that my optimism is exciting. I believe that consciously, we can evolve to a space where there is more space, there's more lightness, there's more openness for people to create, there's more openness for people to share, there's more openness and non-judgment, so that if somebody wants to be who they are, they can be who they are. You know, that's my long-winded kind of answer, right there, no, it's good, it's true, with the openness that you mentioned.
Bella Paige
Host
21:39
It's nice for people to be open, but it's not only nice for other people to hear it, but it helps you a lot too, and I think that's something we don't realize that sharing can help us. You know, sometimes we share to help others. That's how I started this, but I didn't realize how much it would help me. In the process of you know different things I've learned opening up more, actually diving down a little bit deeper into who I am, passions, things like that and you mentioned energy, and energy is something a lot of concussion survivors don't have Sometimes. It's where a lot of that reassessing your energy and kind of figuring out where you want to focus, it is something that can really help survivors and you can do it every month, you can do it every week, I do it every month and kind of decide where do I want to put my energy, because we don't have enough energy for everything, but being able to have energy for anything is really nice, so kind of making decisions like that can really be helpful.
Michael Lashomb
Guest
22:40
Yeah, totally, totally.
Bella Paige
Host
22:41
And that's where having people around you is really essential, and that's why concussion connects exists for people who have people and then people who need people. That understand Because I think I had a lot of issues with that is that people around me were very supportive and they were wonderful, but they didn't get it because they hadn't gone through it. And they can think they get it, but until you've gone through it it's very hard to understand. And we've talked about a lot from changing focus, dealing with dreams and depression and things like that, and so is there anything else you'd like to add before we end today's episode?
Michael Lashomb
Guest
23:18
Oh, totally. I mean, there's so many things, but I really appreciate what you're doing. I think that it's exciting. I checked out all the stuff. Obviously, you even have a cookbook for concussion recovery, which is amazing.
23:32
I think the biggest thing for me was the concussions were deeply spiritually rooted as well, and because I started to recognize and realize that when it happened, this is my own personal prerogative, this is my own personal spirituality, this is my own take on my own personal existence and why I came here. Because it was just me. I was always trying to find meaning in what was happening to me. I was always trying to find out why did this happen to me? Why did I have such a earth-shattering experience to put me in this place where I'm at now? Because, like I said, it's like train tracks. I was no longer the person that I thought I was, that I grew up and built a consciousness around from age zero to age 12. My adolescence had shifted completely, but it started at that. That's where I believe, as dark as it was and as depressing as it was and I wouldn't have wished it upon anybody and from that experience, from that deep, deep experience, you know that almost purgatory like experience I have built such an awareness of the depth of the human experience I mean and that was still just a scratch on the infinite and how infinitesimal sometimes we can be, but at the same time, how radiant and how incredible we are that we can do this. Like what you've done is you've built this incredible support system up into a contingency and a vortex and an energy that's going. I mean that I was able to become a part of, because I was aligned to that.
25:18
I've never told anybody the story but and I'll tell you because the big thing about this is sharing my story as well I was a division, like I said, I was a division one athlete and when I was done playing lacrosse, it was done. I literally gave my gear away and I shifted gears. It was like it never happened and I didn't emotionally and spiritually and energetically cope with the fact that I just had potentially traumatic, catastrophic injury. But it was the struggle I went through by on my own, behind the scenes. I wasn't sharing my story, I wasn't telling you this, I had no outlet. I didn't go to therapy because I did go to therapy once, they just were trying to give me Medication to stimulate me more than actually listen to what was going on inside of myself. You know, it was something that I started to realize that I wanted something more, because I'm so depressed, you know, and I was, I.
26:13
It was there's this week where I was contemplating how I would, how I would leave this planet on my own terms in a certain solution. You know, I was contemplating suicide and it was A very deeply about all the things, so that I mean, anyway, I was at this point where it was a couple days even before, I thought maybe I would do it and follow through with the whole process. And I know it sounds kind of dark, but it was. It was. I was driving, I got in my car and it was almost like I was on autopilot. I can't explain the sensation, but it was like this is five years into my concussions, and I was just driving and I was driving around my hometown and I was just like I don't know why, but I went into the Barnes noble, I went into the library, the store, and I just Went and randomly went to this aisle, but it was the art of happiness by the Dalai Lama and it was just this way. That's it, just for me.
27:07
At that moment it broke things down and understanding what my true happiness was, you know, and that mindfulness, and from that I started. I started practicing meditation, I started practicing centering, I started practicing awareness and that was such a huge change for me that it helped me to realize that I can use my brain in different, deeper ways. And from understanding that process I have it's changed my life so drastically. I was able to take my depression levels down. I was able to take day by day Situations, you know, I was able to not take the overwhelming dark cloud and I was able to lift it a little bit, find practices whether it's breathing or whether it's just relaxation or whether it was just, you know, clearing my mind.
27:55
And ever since I come out and shared it with you know the same you and now this podcast. I I've had so many people reach out to me all over the world that I've never met before my life. I've had people that are my friends, that I have known, that I never understood what they went through, that are coming to me with with wonderful stories. That's where I feel like there's a deeper calling that we all have, and head injuries can be a on unraveling to kind of let something more pure and beautiful and untangled kind of come through. But I just want to say thank you for doing what you do. I I'm super grateful for this platform and I know that many, many others are as well, and I just I think you're alchemy's in your situation such a beautiful way and I'll I think you've energized me and motivated me to Share my story and I'm just very grateful for you and not this community you're building.
Bella Paige
Host
28:53
Thank you, and thank you for sharing. It's definitely. It's okay. We get dark on the podcast all the time.
29:00
I still remember the day when I told my brother that I did an episode and he's like I was like, like he's like, no, it was dark. I'm like Like I laughed and he's like it was still a really dark episode. I'm like, yeah, okay, well, yeah, I mean, sometimes you gotta go Can be really dark. Brain injuries can be really dark and they can put you in really dark places, but they also allow us. Like you said, one of the benefits from concussions and brain injuries can be getting to know yourself more than you ever have before, because it's who you spend the most time with. So I do want to thank you so much For coming on today and sharing your story and being so open with everyone today.
Michael Lashomb
Guest
29:41
Absolutely. I'm infinitely grateful and and I appreciate you and I hope that people can take from this what resonates to them personally and I wish as many people all over healing of All sorts, whether physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally, and thank you so much for your time.
Bella Paige
Host
29:59
Need more than just this podcast, be sure to check out our website on the website To see how we can help you in your post concussion life, from a support network to one on one coaching. I believe life can get better because I've lived through it. Make sure you take it one day at a time.
The Post Concussion Cookbook is getting amazing reviews!
This cookbook was something I had been looking for! It pairs nutritional information specific to concussion recovery with tips for symptoms, and the recipes are delicious!! My husband and teenager loved it too! Very grateful to have this resource! - Halli
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