Family Matters with Rich & Corinna Ulvild
Show Notes:
Four years ago, Richard Ulvild found himself recovering both physically and mentally from a concussion that had resulted from a serious car accident. It was a new reality, one they had he had never faced before, and his road to recovery was an uncertain one. What significantly helped him along the way was sharing his struggles with others, as well as listening to the stories of how others had faced the same reality and succeeded in their own recovery.
In today’s episode, Rich and his wife, Corinna, open up about the uncertainty they felt following Rich’s accident and the impact that his concussion had on their family. After realizing the power of finding commonalities in the stories of others, Rich has also created a space where people can open up about mental health issues, which he has called the Welcome To my World Podcast. Tune in today to learn from Rich and Corinna’s experience and hear the words of wisdom they have to share about concussions, family, and the recovery process!
Key Points From This Episode:
• Rich tells the story of his injury and the accident that caused it.
• His diagnosis and what he and Corinna anticipated for the concussion recovery process.
• The loneliness and frustration that Corinna experienced during Rich’s long recovery.
• Find out what helped Rich in his recovery, including seeing a vestibular therapist.
• The importance of knowing what to expect from your recovery journey.
• How their family dynamic changed, with Rich’s wife and children becoming his caretakers.
• Rich encourages listeners to do their own research in order to understand their injury.
• Why the turning point in Rich’s recovery was being told that he was going to get better.
• Corinna’s advice for those recovering from a concussion: be proactive, be patient, have hope.
• She also emphasizes the importance of taking care of your own mental health as a spouse.
• How seeing a chiropractor that specialized in concussions helped Rich with his headaches.
• The power of creating your own support network and sharing your story.
Connect with Rich:
Check out Rich’s podcast Welcome to My World
Follow Post Concussion Inc on Social Media to stay up to date on the podcast
Transcript - Click to Read
[INTRO]
[00:00:00] BP: Hi. I’m your host, Bella Paige. Welcome to the Post-Concussion Podcast, all about life after experiencing a concussion. Help us make the invisible injury become visible.
[DISCLAIMER]
[00:00:17] BP: The Post-Concussion Podcast is strictly an information podcast about concussions and post-concussion syndrome. It does not provide nor substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. The opinions expressed in this podcast are simply intended to spark discussion about concussions and post-concussion syndrome.
[EPISODE]
[00:00:58] BP: Welcome to today's episode of the Post-Concussion Podcast with myself, Bella Paige, and today's guests, Rich and Corinna Ulvild. Rich found himself, four years ago, recovering both physically and mentally from a concussion that resulted from a serious car accident. It was a new reality, one they had he had never faced before, and his road to recovery was an uncertain one. What significantly helped him along the way was sharing his struggles with others, and listening to their own stories of how they faced the same reality and succeeded in their recovery. Today, both Rich and his wife, Corinna, are joining us. Welcome to the show.
[00:01:38] RU: Well, thank you. Thank you very much.
[00:01:40] CU: Thank you for having us.
[00:01:41] BP: Yeah. So, to start, Rich, do you want to tell us about your injury and what happened?
[00:01:46] RU: It all happened in April 2017, I was driving on the highway between an area called Plum and Merritt on a Friday afternoon, coming back from a business trip. I hit block ice doing about 120 kilometers an hour, and immediately spun around and went off the highway. At that time, there was one of those big slushy snow banks on the side of the road. I went through that. That's pretty much all I remember, that's my last memory until I was sitting in the front seat of my truck, the truck was upright. All I could really be confused by, was that it was snowing in the snow was landing on me, but yet I was sitting inside my truck and that was because the back window of my truck had been blown out. I was at an angle facing down, so the snow was coming in.
I made an assumption up until that point in time that I just slid off the highway, but it wasn't until some people had stopped to help me. One of them told me that they could see the point where I went through that snow bank, and they could see where I first touched down. It was quite a ways away. Then I did barrel rolls and flips and everything. I assumed that I was knocked out at that point in time, because I don't remember any of that, except just, again, the next memory was sitting behind my steering wheel in the driver's seat.
We looked at the vehicle and did realize how much damage had been done and how serious the accident was. Then they were helpful in getting me positioned to the point where I could get to a hospital and get some help. That's what they did. They actually one of the couples drove me, because I was in between cell service and in between a period of time where it probably would have taken longer for an ambulance to get to me. One of the passersby stopped, took me to the hospital. That's where Corinna was informed that I had been in that accident.
[00:03:28] BP: Did you get diagnosed with a concussion when you went to the hospital?
[00:03:32] RU: That's what they figured. They did some X-rays to make sure there wasn't anything broken. I did have a cracked rib, but other than that, there wasn't any major broken bones or injuries. So, they told me that there was a good chance that I had concussion, but they wanted me – so this was again Friday afternoon. I got into my family doctors on Monday. She's the one that confirmed that I had a concussion.
[00:03:54] BP: What did you both expect once you knew that you had a concussion? Did you have any idea what was about to change in your life?
[00:04:02] CU: There was a lot that we didn't know. We had talked about concussions in the past. All I really knew was that you need to rest and stay off technology and eventually you'll get better. We needed to do a lot of educating to find out exactly what we should be doing to help him.
I had hoped that he would be better in a couple of weeks turned out to be like nine months. That was all a bit of a shock, learning about the recovery process from a concussion.
[00:04:35] RU: I thought that I would recover in a short period of time, that I'd be back to work in a couple of weeks. That's what I truly thought. I was banged up pretty good. I had whiplash. I was in a lot of pain. I don't remember much of the first week. I don't think I did much of anything. I don't have much of recall of any memories that first week, except being in a lot of pain. I just assumed, like any car accident, you'll get over that, and pain will go away and then I can resume mine normal life.
That’s what I thought I had to get through was just the injuries, the bodily injuries, I didn't realize how bad my concussion actually was.
[00:05:07] BP: Yeah, it's really common. A lot of people, especially if you've had concussions before, like I had had a few in two weeks, I didn't even think about it after the day of concussion, like you have a headache for a few days, and then life carried on. Then, there's some situations where that's just not what happens. You don't expect that, even when you leave the doctor. They don't really warn you of anything like that. I find it's missing when you go to the ER, that you might not be recovered in a week or two.
Something we mentioned when we talked before was you feel alone, especially as a survivor, but as a spouse, I am sure it felt really similar because I know my siblings had a hard time and my parents feeling helpless, because you want to help, but you don't know how to. So, how did that feel for both of you, with that loneliness and then inability to fix what was wrong?
[00:06:00] CU: You said exactly how I was feeling. That is, yeah, it is lonely and, as a mom, you take care of your children and now, all of a sudden, you're thrown into a role where you're taking care of your spouse, but it's not like recovering from just a flu or anything. You don't know how long this is going to last. Every day is a little different. Some days, Rich, he'd wake up and he'd say, “Now, you know what I'm feeling okay, today.” You would think, finally the day is here, he's on a good path to recovery, and he's going to get better. Then the next day would be worse. You learn to be really patient and understanding and take one day at a time.
It was a lonely process, because I didn't know anyone else who had had a spouse who had had a concussion. The general public doesn't know a lot about concussions either, except for the odd thing that they see on the news. Usually that's more related to children in sports, and that they just need to sit at home and in a quiet place and recover for a couple of weeks. Well, this was entirely different. We had family members, of course, who would phone all the time and friends, “How's Rich doing? How's Rich doing?” There really wasn't a whole lot of information that I could give them other than, “Well, he's resting, and we're hoping that he's getting better.” They really didn't have any information that they could give to me either, because I really relied on the information that Rich would get through his doctor's visits, and researching things online.
Sometimes the stuff you would find online would be worse and you would regret even doing that search. I think I learned that every concussion is different. They're all different. No one recovers the same way as someone else. For me, it was a lot of hope and wishing that what we were doing was right and we're on the right track in his recovery. I think, for the most part, I put myself into supermom mode and continued on with my career and taking care of my kids and taking care of him and keeping myself busy, because I really didn't want to allow myself to worry too much or feel those feelings of loneliness. I didn't want those to overtake me, I just wanted to stay positive and plow through it as long as I could.
[00:08:19] BP: That's really great. I love the supermom thing. That's what I call my mom, after helping me with everything. I always call her supermom. The sports and kids, it's something we talk about a lot here is that all of mine were sport related, but the news focuses on sports, and we really miss everything else, that it's car accidents, slips and falls in the house, it can be really anything at any time in any place.
We're bad for focusing on only one aspect of concussions and not every other aspect. Speaking of hospital visits, and doctor visits, what did you find helped Rich in your recovery? What did you try? What did you find worked?
[00:09:00] RU: With my family doctor, I was a little bit surprised. She's a general practitioner, so I can't expect her to know everything, but I was a little bit surprised that, after a few months, I'm going to see her because the prescription was is to go home and don't do anything. Rest your brain, rest your body, rest your brain, don't watch TV, don't read, don't go on any devices or anything like that, because you don't want to do anything to stimulate your brain. What I did is I did very little. I’d sit on the couch and stare at the wall for long periods of time. I would go outside and I would try to keep myself relatively busy and what I would do, I called it mindless activity.
It wasn't anything that took a lot of thought, could be raking up leaves or cutting the lawn or something that didn't take a whole lot of energy or thought. After going two or three months of having the same advice, go home and don't do anything. I wasn't feeling that that was helpful. I wasn't getting any better. My symptoms were the same. My bodily pain had gone away. My bruising had gone away. I felt that I was at a bit of a loss because we just weren't seeing anything that was becoming helpful.
Therefore, we had to do a little bit of our own research. We found a vestibular therapist, which I never knew what that meant, or who that was before I was dizzy. My eyesight was bad. I walked like I was drunk. My balance was way off. I couldn't focus. The room seemed to be moving and spinning and light was moving faster than what my brain could process. Just learning about what a vestibular therapist can do, and then going through the process of being tested and given exercises, mental exercises to go through.
To realize once the testing is done, realizing how bad I actually was, because we didn't really have any form of testing at that point in time. That was probably the first test that I did, is going through the vestibular therapist, and then his results, sitting me down, “Okay, this is what's happened to you, this is where you are right now. This is what we need to do to get you better.” Other than that, it was you go sit at home for 30 days. So having that, and doing those exercises and getting to the point where I was getting better. There were so many times that we would try to go out, for example, go grocery shopping and you think that's simple enough, but I would walk into a grocery store, and I would almost immediately get dizzy, because you've got so many different shapes and sizes and colors and my brain just couldn't process it.
There was many times where I would have to turn around and go sit outside. Then Corinna, would go in and finish it, because I just couldn’t. My brain wasn't processing fast enough. Understanding that when the vestibular therapist said, “This is what's happening to you. This is how we're going to do these exercises and get you better.” Knowing, when I went into that store, when I was dizzy, it wasn't new to me at that point in time. I knew what was happening. It wasn't alarming. It was okay. I'm getting dizzy. I'm going to set this one out, doesn't mean I'm not going to try again, but right now, it's not going to work for me.
Then we just kept trying through the exercises that I was doing, it got better to the point where I could make my way through a grocery store or clothing store or whatever, even a Home Hardware or Home Depot or something like that. I could not do that before, as I got better. I could. I think the biggest part was just understanding what was going on.
[00:12:18] BP: Yeah, it can be scary at first, because you don't know what's going on. I'm really glad that you realize that you need to get more help, because it's a really common problem that a lot of like you said, general practitioners, they have to know so much. They don't know a lot about concussions most of the time. They know the basics, but they're not going to do the rehab in the therapy that you need to get better. It's just not the way it works. I get the grocery store thing, I actually tried to go, we still have like shopping friendly hours at most of the grocery stores where I'm from, and if you go, the lights are dimmer, they turn off all of the beeping of all the machines at the checkout. Then, they turn the music off.
It's like brain friendly shopping and it is wonderful. I still go even though I don't need it anymore, because it's just nicer, but it's really important to learn what you can do and then also keep trying. That part is so important, to not just give up and let it take over, because a lot of us do and then it becomes harder and harder to get better if you completely stop trying everything. You can learn more about Rich and his podcast, Welcome to My World Podcast, by clicking the link in the episode description. With that, we're going to take a break.
[MESSAGE]
[00:13:41] BP: I just wanted to say, thank you. The podcast is just over six months old and I couldn't be happier with the response. If you truly love the podcast, please consider leaving a tip in our support the podcast tip jar, found at the bottom of our episode description. All tips are greatly appreciated and help cover costs of the show.
[INTERVIEW]
Welcome back to the Post-Concussion Podcast with myself, Bella Paige and today's guest, Rich and Corinna Ulvild. To ask you about family, because that's what these episodes are about is how did your family dynamic change? I know Rich was unable to work. How did that feel and go for all of you?
[00:14:26] RU: Between Corinna and Braden and Heidi, they became my caregivers. They were there for me every single day checking in to make sure I was doing okay. If there's anything that I needed. I had an amazing support group when it came to that, and to this day, our kids don't live with us anymore, but they still call and check in or they'll send me a text to make sure I'm doing okay.
That was comforting for me to have that support. I was off for quite a while. I wasn't the breadwinner anymore. I wasn't working. Financially we were okay because, I mean, I work for a really good company so that was fine, but emotionally, not being able to go to work, not feeling part of the family in that way and doing my role as a father and a contributor, that weighed on me for quite a bit. I really felt bad and guilty, because again, I wasn't contributing. The good part is that I still had created the kids there for me. So, that was the saving grace.
[00:15:22] CU: Yeah, I think Braden, Heidi, and I, we became this little unit that we checked in on each other too, and a lot of our decisions as a family were made first by the three of us. We'd just talk those out first to decide whether it would be good for dad or not, whatever it was that we were going to do. We all would do regular temperature checks on how Rich was feeling, because we did go through some times where his patience was limited.
You'd have changes just in the way you were dealing with each day. You’d be agitated some days. Some days you weren't. I mean, we've always been a very close family, and our kids have been very close with us. I think myself and Braden and Heidi became this special little unit, and we knew how to operate and how to make our way through each day and decide as a group, what was best for Rich with the decisions that we would make with just daily life things, trips going out and things like that.
[00:16:33] BP: For sure. I really like that. I know, my siblings probably talked about me every day, and so did my parents, and I was the common topic of conversation, because that's just how it worked. It's really important to have that family support, because they made a huge difference in my life as they did yours. It makes a big difference, rather than feeling like you have to figure this all out on your own and knowing that they still love you. They're still there for you, and they care for you while you're trying to navigate this injury that you don't really know what it's doing to you.
Emotional control is a really common thing with concussions, I had a lot of anger issues with mine, and I would lash out a lot. I was definitely really hard on my mom. I'm very lucky that she was a supermom, as I like to say. Is there anything that you guys really wish people could know about concussions in general?
[00:17:30] RU: We learned so much from it. We did a lot of our own research, because we just weren't feeling that we were getting the help. One thing that I would encourage people to do is to try to understand what it is that you're going through, that even you just recently talked about anger. It took me a while to figure out why that was happening. Learning about what my brain was doing and the challenges that it was having. Every time we would learn something new, we would share it amongst ourselves so that I was picking up on cues of when I felt anger coming on. I would express that.
Rather than just shocking everybody with just angry outburst, I would say, okay, here's what I'm feeling right now I'm feeling a little bit agitated, I feel like I can probably get angry. I'm going to step away. I'm going to step out of the room, and I'm going to go calm down, and we'll come back to it. But, luckily for me, because I was on a business trip at the time, I got a really good support from a program in here in BC called HIATS, that's Head Injury and Treatment Systems.
The biggest thing that I think was a turning point for me is, when I went through that program, they did an assessment on me, which at that point time had never been fully assessed. They had neuropsychologists that did assessments on me, they had therapists, they had counselors, physiotherapists, and I went through about four days, four or five days of testing. It confirmed what it was that where my brain was struggling, which helped me understand that, but more importantly, they said those nice words that we had never heard up to that point, is that you're going to get better.
Nobody had told me, and this was seven months after my accident. So, at that point time, we had never heard those words. You would hope that someday that was going to happen, but when they said you're going to get better and they explained to me, “This is what's happening. This is why your brain is doing this. We know what it is what's causing it. We're going to work through that. We're going to put together some exercises, whether it be a physical exercises or cognitive exercises. Over time, you're going to get better.”
I came home. I told Corinna that and that was the changing point in my recovery, because we had never heard that, that ray of hope that we'd always been waiting for.
[00:19:40] CU: Yeah, it was a huge turning point for the whole family, because just to know that, okay, things really are going to start to get better. Then, I think it really changed our whole focus and our purpose, and we became much more positive as a family too because we knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. For me, I would want people to know that things will get better and don't give up, especially at the spouse. Yes, it's important to at the beginning they do need a lot of rest, but still be proactive, go to the appointments with your spouse, ask as many questions as you can, search the internet for podcasts, like the one you're listening to right now.
That will lead you to other people that you can get information from as well. Be proactive, be patient, and know that things will be better than the day you're living that particular day. It just takes time.
[00:20:41] BP: For sure. I think it's so important that knowing that things can get better is really important, because there's lots of moments where, when going through this, you don't feel like you will, especially when, some survivors, it's something you don't deal with for months. It's something you deal with for years.
Sometimes it feels you're not making any progress, but if you look back, you have made a mountain of progress. It's important for that whole piece. It is also important being a partner of a survivor is a whole another thing in itself. Do you have any other advice for partners who are in the same situation?
[00:21:18] RU: Be patient and understanding.
[00:21:20] CU: Yeah.
[00:21:20] BP: Yeah, that's a good one.
[00:21:22] RU: Don’t give up on us.
[00:21:23] CU: Be patient and understanding and know, it's okay to walk out of the room and be frustrated. It's, okay to go and feel mad and have all those emotions, it's important to work through those ones too. Don't feel guilty if that's the way you're feeling. There were many moments where I just wanted Rich to be better. I was frustrated with what was going on. I just wanted to be a normal family again. I felt like my patience were running out too. You start to just to feel bad and feel pity a little bit.
It's important that when, if you do, as a spouse, feel like that, walk away for a bit, go do something little to take your mind off at something that makes you feel happy, that makes you relax, whether it's going to Starbucks on your own for a coffee or whatever, going for a walk. Just to kind of regroup and then knowing that the next day will be better. You’ll be able to cope a little bit better the next day, but take those cues from your own body too, and go and have that time that you need, because it's important for your own mental health too, especially when the recovery process can take a year, two years, three years, you don't know. Your own mental health is important as well.
[00:22:49] BP: It definitely is and I really like the not feeling guilty for feeling emotional, because it is emotional. There's so many emotions that run through when going through this. It's very important to accept them and then work through them rather than shove them all down into a bottle, which is very easy to do, but not in the long term. Is there anything else you guys would to add before ending today's episode?
[00:23:14] RU: Well, what I'd to suggest is, I had headaches every day for about a year and a half and when I was in the HIATS, I got to talk to a lot of people. We weren't all at the same stages, or we didn't have all the same severity of concussions, but I got to talk to some other people were in the program. I was there for six weeks, there's probably about 12 people. We would talk at the breaks or we'd get together for in the lunch room or so. Then, even we had a quiet room that we go into for brains were struggling a little bit. That taught me to talk about what I'm experiencing, what I'm feeling.
One day, I happened to be talking to a friend of mine who's in the same business that I'm in. I was talking to him about my headaches. He suggested that I go see a chiropractor and, at that point in time, it hadn't even occurred to me. It was dealing with my headaches that I knew that was concussion related, I knew it was from my accident. I was medicating throughout the day. I was going in between headaches and out of headaches depending on how I was medicating. He went and he suggested a chiropractor that actually has history with dealing with people that have concussions. He deals with a lot of NHL players.
I made an appointment I went to him, told him about the whole thing, what happened to me. About three weeks, I was seeing him twice a week or every about two days or sometimes twice a week, sometimes those three and, within three weeks, I didn't have headaches anymore, because that was a byproduct of just sharing a conversation with somebody. Had I not had that conversation I'd probably still would be chasing my headaches with medication, but I don't have to now, because I don't get them anymore. I also know what triggers them if I do get one and it's maybe I'm spending too much time behind my computer or maybe I'm in a really bright room, but I am aware of when I start to feel them and I know what to do not know how to adapt.
I think the greatest point there is to, we've talked earlier about being alone and there's no need to be alone. Create your own support network. Don't be shy to talk to other people. A lot of folks may not immediately have the knowledge or the experience of having a concussion, but they may know somebody else. In this particular case, this guy, he played hockey, he'd been hit, he had a concussion, he was having headaches, and that's how it was resolved for him, and it worked out for me as well.
Don't try to solve it all on yourself, include others around you, because you'd be surprised of what information you may receive from having that conversation, whether it's your advice if he can see, or just some understanding some empathy towards how you're feeling.
[00:25:47] BP: Yeah, that's some great advice. It is really important to talk to others. That's why I actually started the podcast, because my biggest problem was, I felt like no one was going through what I was going through, especially when I was a teenager, because all of my friends that I thought had head injuries were fine two weeks later. I didn't – it took me a long time to understand that, I wasn't the only one going through it, just I needed to talk to even more people than my small circle.
I just wanted to say, thank you so much for joining us today and sharing your insights on family and life post-concussion. Don't forget, everyone, Corinna and Rich’s kids will be on the podcast next week to give their perspectives as well.
[00:26:29] RU: Well, thank you very much, Bella. We truly appreciate you giving us this opportunity to share our experiences with you and your guests and your listeners. Thank you very much.
[00:26:37] CU: Yes, thank you, Bella.
[END OF INTERVIEW]
[00:26:40] BP: Has your life been affected by concussions? Join our podcast by getting in touch. Thank you so much for listening to the Post-Concussion Podcast, and be sure to help us educate the world about the reality of concussions by giving us a share. To learn more, don't forget to subscribe.
[END]
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