Bouncing Back with Vanessa Woodburn
Show Notes:
One of the founding principles of this podcast is to share information on post-concussion and bring the conversation out into the open so that the people who need it can find this information. Vanessa Woodburn has the same goal in mind. By writing her inspiring and informative book, Bouncing Back, she has shared her story and provides useful lessons for anyone suffering from the effects of a head injury. After a bicycle accident while holidaying in Italy, Vanessa was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury, something that she had to learn about and adapt to, in the same way as so many others. Her initial experience of the injury was the difficulty of finding information and support — something that drove her to write the book and fill that gap for others. In our conversation, we talk about how to communicate about the issues that arise from concussions and when it might be worth sitting down with those close to us to address potential difficulties. We also speak about the important areas of self-care and acceptance, with Vanessa sharing the journey that she has been on in this regard before we look at some specific practices that can help ground us and calm the mind. Listeners can expect to come away with a sense of this shared experience as well as some insight into the small things that have improved for Vanessa over time. Tune in hear it all!
Key Points From This Episode:
The message of Bounce Back, and the inclusion of Vanessa's story in the book.
Vanessa's motivation for writing the book and the ongoing mission to share information.
The process of writing the book and Vanessa's self-care lessons.
How to get a free copy of Bounce Back on Vanessa's website!
Responding to situations in which potentially insensitive comments can trigger emotions.
The realization that Vanessa had about taking responsibility for her recovery.
Asking for help when needed and allowing loved ones to support you.
Normalizing kind treatment of the self — getting away from negative self-talk.
Tactics for focusing the mind and calming the emotions.
How earplugs have helped Vanessa and the fun she is able to have with her kids because of this.
Closing thoughts from Vanessa about lessons she learned in trust, self-confidence, and curiosity.
Connect with Our Guest
Contact Vanessa Woodburn: bounceback@woodburn.ca
Follow Vanessa Woodburn on Instagram
For a digital copy of Bounce Back click here
Follow Post Concussion Inc on Social Media to stay up to date on the podcast
Trancsript - Click to Read
[INTRO]
[00:00:00] BP: Hi. I’m your host, Bella Paige. Welcome to the Post-Concussion Podcast, all about life after experiencing a concussion. Help us make the invisible injury become visible.
[DISCLAIMER]
[00:00:17] BP: The Post-Concussion Podcast is strictly an information podcast about concussions and post-concussion syndrome. It does not provide, nor substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice, or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. The opinions expressed in this podcast are simply intended to spark discussion about concussions and post-concussion syndrome.
[EPISODE]
[00:00:58] BP: Welcome to today's episode of the Post-Concussion Podcast with myself, Bella Paige and today's guest, Vanessa Woodburn. Vanessa is an IIN health coach and best-selling author of the book Bounce Back: Reclaim Your Life After a Concussion. Vanessa shifted from a career in education to holistic health and coaching after her traumatic brain injury experience.
She coaches people who are working to rebuild their lives after brain injury, through her Bounce Back Program, in which she compassionately guides survivors through the process to feel healthy, whole, capable and confident again. Welcome to the show, Vanessa.
[00:01:34] VW: Thank you very much, Bella. I’m happy to be here with you today.
[00:01:38] BP: I read your book just a few weeks ago. Would you like to tell everyone what Bounce Back is all about?
[00:01:44] VW: Yes. Thank you. Bounce Back is about what it feels like to have a concussion, not just physically, but emotionally as well, like what it feels to miss your old self and to grieve that loss and the things that you used to be good at. It's about how a concussion can shake your confidence and really rattle you to the core. That question that I hear time and time again from people is who am I now? I talk about that.
There's a chapter in Bounce Back about my story, how my concussion happened, because I want people to know that I can relate to them. I had a cycling accident while I was on vacation in Italy with my husband and some friends four years ago in 2016. I share a bit about that experience and about being diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome a few months later.
Yeah, the book is about how it feels to have a brain injury, where you can begin to look for qualified help and while it's not specifically about treatments and rehab, because I do want to leave that to the healthcare professionals, as a health coach, I do share my experience as a survivor and then, a lot about how you can help yourself. What are some of the day-to-day things you can do to put those pieces back together again, in terms of self-care and self-compassion and mindset? By that, I mean, really helping yourself with the narrative that you create in your head.
[00:03:15] BP: I love that about your book that you really share a wide range of things, actually in your book. You share your story and your story is very unique, actually. You hear Italy and everyone's like “Oh, that must be a beautiful, wonderful vacation.” It wasn't exactly the case in your situation, but definitely unique.
[00:03:36] VW: Yeah, it was –
[00:03:37] BP: Sorry.
[00:03:37] VW: No, it's fine. It's supposed to be the trip of a lifetime and it certainly ended up being a life-changing experience.
[00:03:43] BP: For sure. Yes, it definitely sounded like one. Can you tell us why did you take the time to write Bounce Back?
[00:03:52] VW: It's the message that I needed to hear in the weeks and months after my concussion happened. My experience four years ago and I believe this is changing now through the work that people like you are doing, putting podcasts and hopeful information out there. Four years ago, that felt very hard to find and I looked.
[00:04:12] BP: It's changing.
[00:04:13] VW: It is. I’m so grateful for that. I think, there's so much more research and learning now about concussions and people are more comfortable talking about all the aspects of healing and recovery. Four years ago, I felt a lot of doom and gloom, not just from the Internet and articles that I was reading, but also in some of the Facebook groups and that thing. I can remember just really sobbing at some of the stuff that I read online. I was really trying to find helpful information.
I needed a realistic message, but also a message of hope and possibility and potential that it would be possible for me to feel healthy and whole and capable again. I wrote Bounce Back to be that message. Here's what happened, here's who can help you and here's how you can help yourself. I think I wanted people to feel that I – to know that I understand how it feels and that we can help each other through these kinds of experiences as well.
[00:05:18] BP: I love that. It is a huge difference four years ago, let alone when I started about nine years ago when I was dealing with it. It was stay in a room, stay in a dark room, close the blinds, don't look at anything. We learned that that was terrible. At that time, that's what every single doctor was telling me, besides the few doctors doing research across the world, who were realizing that this wasn't a good idea.
Another thing I find that your book's great is that people are starting to realize that it's not just sports, because it's starting to become more normal that it's everyday people. It's not just professional athletes that are struggling. I think, it's really important that we're encouraging people to understand that everybody you walk past could be going through this. How was writing the book with your symptoms? Were they mostly gone when you were trying to write?
[00:06:07] VW: Yes. Mostly gone when I was trying to write. I still do from time to time have little things that pop up, but I know now which practitioners to go to. I just take those messages from my body like, “Okay. It's time for a little more self-care here.” Yeah, while I was writing the book, I didn't really feel there was any symptoms that prevented me from writing and remembering and things like that.
[00:06:37] BP: I tried to write a book a few times, but could never write enough. It was such a problem. I would sit there. I would go outside, or I would go inside and I would try being comfy, or being in nature. I had all these mind maps written out for ideas, but that's how I turned into the vlog was better for me, because I was better at short snippets all the time, rather than really long paragraphs about everything and really getting into detail. It worked better for me.
[00:07:07] VW: Before I wrote the book, I started talking about these kinds of tools, like mindset, self-care, self-compassion in workshops that I was leading in my home, actually. They weren't specifically for people who had had a concussion. I realized afterwards, that to speak to people who had gone through a similar experience, that's really what this information – that's really who needed this information.
[00:07:35] BP: I’d just like everyone to know that Vanessa has graciously offered a free copy of her book, Bounce Back: Reclaim Your Life After a Concussion. You can go to vanessawoodburn.ca. That's www.V-A-N-E-S-S-A-W-O-O-D-B-U-R-N.ca to download a free digital copy of her book. You can also find her website in today's show notes. It is definitely worth a read. Before we get into a deeper discussion about your book, let's take a break.
[BREAK]
[00:08:11] BP: Do you have trouble sleeping at night? Then you should check out Hush. H-U-S-H. Hush's weighted blanket is not only science-fact, I personally can't sleep without it. Get 10% off using postconcussion at checkout. That's P-O-S-T C-O-N-C-U-S-S-I-O-N and improve your sleep today.
[INTERVIEW CONTINUED]
[00:08:41] BP: Back with myself, Bella Paige, and our guest, Vanessa Woodburn, we’ll continue to dive a bit deeper into her book, Bounce Back. In your book, you mentioned how certain comments, such as someone telling you that they forget things all the time minimizes your situation. I was in this situation not too long ago. I walked into the store. I needed to grab about five things; paper towel, I think hand soap, some drinks. I can't remember the others. I went in, grabbed the drinks, came back out.
My friend was in the truck and looked at me like I was crazy. “Where's everything else?” My brain just went blank. No recollection that I had forgotten anything, until he had mentioned it. He made a joke that this happens all of the time, but it didn't make me feel any better. Actually, I was really emotional about forgetting, because I thought my memory was getting better and that just made me feel like I hit a wall.
I received similar comments to these on a frequent basis. If I mention a symptom, or something I’m suffering with, like a headache, which is why I think it's so wonderful that you mentioned it in your book. Do you think it’s better to say something in response, or not?
[00:09:49] VW: That's a good question. I think that there's two ways that you can handle this situation when it happens. I think, you can choose to let it go. I think, if the person who is minimizing your experience, or making it about them is not really someone you care about, or if you know you're only going to see them maybe once a year, it's one of those relatives that you see at a party once a year, or something like that, then maybe the best thing in that situation is just to let it go, if you know that they have no intention of really listening to you. If it is someone close to you and it's a relationship that you care about, I believe it is worth the conversation. This has happened to me and I have learned that it's best to wait until it's what I call a teachable moment.
[00:10:42] BP: That's a good idea.
[00:10:43] VW: I think, I say that a lot, because I have a teaching background and I’m a parent of three teenagers, so I have learned in the heat of the moment is not a time when people are receptive to learning a lesson, or learning something from you and it's often not the best time to teach it as well.
[00:11:01] BP: For sure. Are you emotional at the time, maybe?
[00:11:04] VW: Yes. Yeah, and defensive. My suggestion is to wait until things are calmed down. Just take a breath in the moment and realize like, “Okay. This happened. I know how I feel about this. I’m going to come back to this and wait until you feel it's a calm moment when you can share with them.” I’ve done this with my husband, where I’ve said, “When I tell you about my symptoms, or about how I’m feeling, what I really need for you is to just listen. Not fix, not compare, because our experiences are very, very different.”
Sometimes, I even begin a conversation with him now saying those things like, “Okay, honey. This is one of those times when I just want you to listen.” We both laugh. Yeah. He knows. I think if it's someone that you care about, it is worth having the conversation and telling them how it feels for you. I feel that I just need you to listen. That's worth having those conversations.
[00:12:09] BP: Especially if you're going to be, I agree, around that person on a frequent basis. You don't want to be struggling emotionally all the time. It's already hard enough.
[00:12:18] VW: I feel like, it's made me a better listener as well to other people, because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of well, let me tell you all about me. I find that when I’m listening to people now and I want to jump in and offer a comparison or something, I’m able to hold back and just listen. That's often exactly what that person needs. It is for me too when I’m in that spot.
[00:12:43] BP: For sure. It can be a hard situation, or when other people tell me about their headaches. I had a headache every day for seven years. I understand that their pain is real to them, even though it may have not been as severe as mine. I always take a minute, think to myself that this is real to them, maybe they didn't go through what I went through, but they are in pain right now and that's fair. I have to be understanding both ways.
[00:13:08] VW: Yes, I agree. It's very wise.
[00:13:11] BP: One of the most important things that you mention in your book is that you realize that your recovery was up to you, after being dismissed by one doctor. How did this affect you?
[00:13:21] VW: Well, it was scary. I’m sure, anyone who's had a concussion and you've gone to your doctor and maybe they've done those tests that they do in the office. I learned that those are tests designed to make sure that you are what they call, neurologically intact. A lot of those tests and maybe it's changing now, but four years ago, it didn't get to the heart of I was really feeling that one where he – what the doctor asks you to, they tell you five words and then a couple minutes later, come back to it.
Well, I used to have an almost photographic memory. Repeating five words. I could do that in his office. What he didn't know was that I was like, “Oh, my God. Six months ago, I would have been able to tell you 20 words.
[00:14:08] BP: I know what you're saying, because I did all of the testing. They do it for Alzheimer’s. You sit there and it's all day and they show you words and read stories and you have to read back to them and there's colors and squares and it takes hours, actually, for the whole process to be done. I did it a few times. They compare you to the average. I remember being mad all the time, because I’m a bit of a brainiac and I was like, “No.”
[00:14:36] VW: No, I am not average.
[00:14:38] BP: I am not. I’m trying to explain to you that if I’m in the average now, there's something wrong. I was like, I could read a whole book and tell you from the beginning of the book to the end exactly what it had said. School was very easy for me, so trying to explain that to them was super frustrating, actually. I remember, I’d get 30-page assessments back and it'd be like, everything's okay. I’m like, “No, it's not okay.”
[00:15:05] VW: Yeah, it feels scary when they tell you that, when they dismiss you like that. That was a turning point for me. Eventually, became empowering because I think that's where I put a stake in the ground and I said, “Okay. This is up to me and I am determined to figure this out and I don't know how long this is going to take, but I am going to figure this out.”
[00:15:28] BP: I’m sure now that your background in health has really helped with that, understanding how your recovery process works. I had a doctor in the ER not believe my pain level once. I’d actually come in in an ambulance. It was when I received one of my concussions. I had already had headaches for about four or five years every day at that point. I remember getting asked that, “What's your pain out of 10?” I said 11. I wasn't crying. He looked at me like I was crazy. He’s like, “You're lying.” I wasn't lying. I was in pain every single day.
I’d come with a few doctors, we'd assess that I’m usually at an eight out of 10 for quite a few hours of the day. I was not joking. I was in a lot of pain. If I cried at home, it was because I was emotional. It was more being upset about always being in pain, or being upset because I couldn't do something. It wasn't the pain itself, because it was normal. I was always in pain. I remember that feeling of being told, “No, you're lying.” I was just shocked. I never had a doctor tell me that my pain level wasn't true. That was an interesting ER visit. That's for sure.
I had another doctor, actually tell me that all of the pain was in my head. I’d seen her for a couple years. Usually, how a lot of the neurologists go, I don't know if you saw anywhere you go and then they give you a new med and then you see them three months later. If it doesn't work, they give you another one. That's how the process goes.
I remember telling her, I have a headache every day, all day. She looked at me and told me, I think this was in high school that I made it up and that there's no way I was in pain every single day, because I know I didn't look like I was in pain. She actually requested that I go see someone to talk to them about me making up my pain in my head. I never felt so defeated in my life, because I barely talked about my pain to begin with and to have – She was a neurologist, highly rated, people loved her to tell me that I was making it up, then maybe my pain wasn't as bad as I thought, was emotionally draining. I think it's important to know that your recovery is up to you in these situations. If your doctor is telling you that something's not wrong, go find another doctor.
[00:17:52] VW: Exactly. Yeah, let's hope the doctors have some more empathy training.
[00:17:58] BP: Yes, for sure. Well, they're all different. I’ve seen lots. Some are great and they believe everything you say and other doctors look at you like you're crazy. You're a mom as you had mentioned, and though I was never a parent suffering from post-concussion syndrome, I was an aunt. It often affected me spending time with them. It still affects me some days. They're really loud, because they're younger. I’ll play with them, or some days I have them in the morning, because both their parents worked.
I get up at 6 or 7 in the morning with them and then I need a nap by noon, because my head just can't handle it. I could not actually imagine them being my children and having to do that. What would your advice be to other parents out there going through the same situation?
[00:18:44] VW: Yeah. Now my kids were a little older when this happened. They were in school all day. I think, I believe it's a critical point. It becomes this turning point right in your life when something like this happens. It's the critical time for you to learn to ask for the help that you need and to receive the help from your family, from friends, from professionals, whatever it is and let go of that notion that we have to be the ones who have it all together and who pretend that everything's fine when it's not fine.
When you take the time to learn to care for yourself this way, I think it becomes a gift for your children and the people around you, especially for kids, because you're teaching them how to value self-care and self-worth. When you can let people in and let them know how you're doing and I realize this is different depending upon your conversation with a young child would be different than with a teenager, but letting them know how you feel and how you're doing and what you're doing to help yourself, it's really also teaching them how to move through difficult times. That life isn't always going to be easy, that we are going to fall and literally fall, or have one of those setbacks in life. That hard things happen and here's what we do when hard things happen.
We take care of each other. We slow down. We rest. We ask for help. We're kind. We lean on each other. I believe these are all great examples of self-compassion. Learning to talk to yourself, like someone you love, rather than having negative self-talk in your voice where you're beating yourself up for having a hard day, or not getting things done, or needing more time, needing more rest. Can you talk to yourself like someone you love with kindness, like a friend with love and compassion and really normalize treating yourself that way?
I have found that it becomes this practice of being kind to myself has helped me in many, many ways, both with regards to recovering from a brain injury, but also just in other things in life. It becomes a tool, or my go-to of how I know to support myself when I go through hard times. I hope that my children are learning that as well. I think that that's a gift for them to grow up and know how to go through hard times with compassion for themselves and the people around them. It's like this beautiful ripple effect.
[00:21:32] BP: For sure. Did you explain to them what was going on at the time, or as you dealt with PCS?
[00:21:38] VW: What I know now, I didn't know then. In those first few months, no I wasn't really letting them in. I was being really hard on myself. It was about three, four months after my concussion, I started seeing a therapist. Someone recommended another healthcare professional that I was seeing. Said, “I think it would be really good for you to talk to somebody.”
[00:22:00] BP: Oh, I think it's great. I totally encourage it.
[00:22:03] VW: She was the one who caught this, that I was being hard on myself and introduced me to this idea of self-compassion and talking to myself, like someone I love. We walked through scenarios where I know how to talk to my children when they're hurt and when they're going through a hard time and how can I turn that back on myself. I think my kids saw me go from being probably pretty closed off and being the, “I have it. I’ve got this.”
[00:22:31] BP: I’m fine.
[00:22:32] VW: I’m making this look easy for you. I’m fine. I don't want you to know I’m struggling. They saw me go from that to okay, I’m having a hard time and I’m going to talk to you about this. It's been a process. A couple years ago, we were talking about this thing at dinner one night and my daughter said, “I like the new mommy.” I thought, okay. She sees that I’m changing and growing and learning here. I think, in a way, it's given them permission to be kinder and gentler with themselves –
[00:23:08] BP: That would melt my heart. I love the self-compassion. Other than the extreme headaches, I would definitely say that mental health was my biggest, still is a challenge. I went to therapists. I had some very bad situations, ended up in the hospital, because I didn't want to let anyone in. I was angry at myself. I was miserable, actually, I guess. I wasn't on the outside. I was still going out. I was still going to school, but I was so unhappy because I couldn't do what I loved to do. People could see it, but they didn't understand it, because I wasn't talking about it.
I was talking to myself. Like you said, as a victim. I was like, “Why can't you do this? Just suck it up. Why can't you get better?” It took me a while to understand that this isn't your fault. You're going through something. You're not healing right away and that's okay. You didn't do anything wrong here. This is how this works.
I actually did a lot of mindfulness training, is how I got through it, because I needed to learn how to relax, because anxiety and emotions and something would just set me off and then everything would flood in. All the mental health and the depression and everything would just flood my whole brain. I needed something to calm myself down. That really worked for me. I find something works different for everybody. You talking to yourself worked for you. Me, imagining things in my head and looking at things in detail, or I used to spell a word. I still do it, actually. I spell a word in my head, front and back and then imagine I’m writing it in the sky and it helps my brain just focus on something else, because concussions are emotional. It completely changes your life. Like you said, who am I? It took me a long time to understand the new me.
I think it's really important that we express that, so that other people understand that this is normal. You might change after this. You might not be the same person and there's nothing wrong with that. I think it's good that we're just pushing that out there to the public, because no one told me that.
[00:25:22] VW: Yeah. I think what you're doing with this platform and normalizing these conversations about mental health is so important, because everyone struggles. The more that we talk about it the more we realize, “Okay. We're all human and we're all going through this, or we're going through something.” Yeah, it's important.
[00:25:41] BP: I guess, I’m a gadget product person, but what is your favorite product that you believed help you the most? I used Eyemasks, Hot Packs, medications. What did you think worked?
[00:25:53] VW: In terms of gadgets, I did have ear plugs that I carried around with me. Yeah, I went to a music supply store. I went and talked to the guy in the drum section.
[00:26:05] BP: Oh, perfect.
[00:26:06] VW: Because I think drummers and indie earplugs. Anyway, and he recommended a pair and I could keep them just in a little container in my purse. I found that my sensitivity to sound, it still is very sensitive. In the beginning, it would be a massive trigger for my entire nervous system and I would just lose it, if I was startled by something. It allowed me to go to concerts with my kids again and my family, because it took away that feeling of being overwhelmed by this sensory sensation of too much sound.
[00:26:42] BP: Mine allowed me to go to the bar.
[00:26:44] VW: Yeah. Well, at your age, that's important. I’m not going to the bar, but my kids wanted to go to a concert with me, and so we got tickets to go to a concert to see Imagine Dragons. Super fun.
[00:26:55] BP: Okay. Yeah. Great.
[00:26:56] VW: At Ontario place in Toronto. This was really cool that near the beginning of the concert, one of the security guys came up to me and said, “I have a couple wristbands here to get in the pit, right down by the stage.” I was like, “Well, there's five of us. It's not just me.” He's like, “That's okay.” I’m so glad I had my headphones, because we were literally right there through all that great music.
[00:27:22] BP: It’s loud.
[00:27:23] VW: That was a gadget that was helpful.
[00:27:25] BP: Yeah, something you liked. Yeah, I find everybody's different. I do find earplugs, it can be very overwhelming, all the noises. You're already dealing with symptoms, so it helps cancel out some of that.
[00:27:38] VW: Sound was more difficult for me than light right from the beginning.
[00:27:44] BP: I wear mine, actually all the time, they're attached to my purse so I always have them. I don't know how yours work, but mine only cut out certain frequencies, so I could change the inserts in them depending on what I was doing.
[00:27:56] VW: Same.
[00:27:56] BP: It was great, because I could put them in and talk to people and still hear them, so I didn't have to pull them out, talk to them, pull them back in, so it wasn't as noticeable, because I didn't really want everyone to notice that I had these headphones in my ear, especially when I went out with my friends.
Is there anything else you'd like to mention before we end today?
[00:28:19] VW: I wanted to remind people that when they're going through this and I think, having this experience happen to me while I was in training to become a health coach, really did help give me some awareness. What I learned and I think anybody can do this is that I needed to learn to trust my voice and my body about what I needed. We talked about this before. Allow myself to be curious about okay, so my family physician can't help me with this, but what else can I try?
I had someone say to me once. He said, “It feels like you're on a quest.” I did feel like that, in trying to figure out who can help with this and just giving myself permission to explore different things and what worked and based on what I needed and how I was feeling. I would just encourage people to try. Listen to their body. To trust their body and their gut about what they need and try different things.
[00:29:29] BP: That's great. Thank you. I’d just like to remind everybody about Vanessa’s book, Bounce Back. Make sure you check that out. I’d just like to say, thank you so much for joining us today and sharing a bit of your story, your book and thoughts on living with post-concussion syndrome.
[END OF INTERVIEW]
[00:29:44] BP: Has your life been affected by concussions? Join our podcast by getting in touch. Thank you so much for listening to the Post-Concussion Podcast and be sure to help us educate the world about the reality of concussions, by giving us a share. To learn more, don't forget to subscribe.
[END]
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